Tag Archives: Evidentialism

Losing My Anti-Religion

Goddamnit.

I never thought the day would come, but I’m going to have to renounce my atheism and cast my lot in with the believers.

The latter half of that proclamation is nothing new; I’m such a believer in (and product of) the Scientific Method that I take it as nothing short of faith. The first part, though, I never thought I’d have to utter.

But watching an episode of The Atheist Experience, a YouTube channel, finally sent me over the edge.

The show, hosted by Matt Dillahunty, features some lively debates between Dillahunty and select other atheists, who field ardent and sometimes angry calls nationwide from believers. I called in once. They take calls only from believers.

The shows of late have gone like this: A caller rings in and says something to the effect of: “I know you guys say there’s no God, but...”

At that point, Dillahunty unfailingly cuts off the caller to correct the record about his position on God — and the definition of atheism: the disbelief or lack of belief in the existence of God or gods. “I’m not saying there is no God,” Dillahunty is fond of saying. “I’m saying the burden of proof is on the believer making the claim.”

The caller is usally so thrown off by the nitpick that they never get to the meat of the philosophical difference.

I’m calling bullshit. Yes, that is the Oxford definition of atheism. But we know that everyday atheists mean ‘There is no god.’ when they identify as such.

I know that as fact because I used to say and think it all the time. And if you’re still talking Oxford’s definition ((in Christianity and other monotheistic religions) the creator and ruler of the universe and source of all moral authority; the supreme being), I’d say it still.

But in the spirit of the law (which is what we all seek, yes?), I’ve abridged my thinking. If religion is undeciphered science (which I also take as faith), then that undeciphered science is the higher power. Whatever you want to call it — empiricism, evidence-based, factual, provable, predictive, falsifiable — that what I believe. That’s what I am.

And I’m tired of hearing people tell me who they’re not.

It’s that very behavior that has proved such political mildew at either end of the spectrum. On the right, you have a GOP that will tell you what they’re against: abortion, gun control, Obamacare. Ask them specifically what they do want, and you’ll get a CPAC-smeared version of “I don’t want to get ripped off anymore.”

The mold is no less toxic on the port bow. What is the woke cancel culture but a societal rejection of what we’d like to forget about ourselves?

Both are easy way outs, a sound bite after a close game, a political answer to an apolitical question. We like all music. We like all foods. We are non-binary, off-the-guage, undefinable-but-still-uniquely-individual fingerprints on the steering wheel that is humanity.

Fuck that. Pick a side, suit up, and get on the field. Regardless of jersey, we’re human, right?

We all believe in something.

Love in the Time of Corona

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Welcome, ye converts!

We knew we were onto something with Evidentialism. But we never expected such a widespread conversion. No worries; we can accommodate you all, though it’s clearly a limited-time offer.

For here we are, called to collective Mass by Circumstance. Our heads are bowed, our hands are clasped. Of course, we have a lot of time for solemn reflection lately; we can’t go to most public gatherings, schools are closing, sports are canceled. What’s a body to do besides pray for a body?

Yet those heads are bowed not for a higher power to smite an enemy, not a savior to bring forth justice with great vengeance and furious anger.

No, we’re praying to science.

Look at the way we changed our everyday lives when science told us of an imminent, existential threat. We now elbow-bump. We wear medical masks to the grocery stores. We have suspended human interaction until further notice. Image result for elbow bump

The urge here is great to make this column one long endorsement of Evidentialism, the faith that posits that science is a faith. It’s tempting to point out that folks aren’t flocking to their houses of worship (haven’t you heard? Pope’s taking confession on Instagram.). Normally, I’d point out that, suddenly, we’re not hearing from anti-vaxers clamoring to get to the bottom of the list. I might even take a shot at friends much smarter than I who dismiss the science-as-faith concept out of hand; if that praying for a cure you’re doing isn’t an act of faith, I might ask, what is? Image result for pope on video

But I’m not going to do that.

The larger precept here is much simpler; COVID-19 underscores the dangerous habit of acting without evidence. The American political system has made a cottage industry out of turning science into ideology. Corona smashed that to hell in a week.

Whether it’s politics or religion or the weather, beware those who act without evidence. If anything, resist it. Yeah, it makes you an asshole. But it’s time we pucker up and give resistance to stupidity.

As Evidentialism loves to cite, we do it in our everyday lives anyway. Imagine: You live in a place that gets a real winter. You’re in day 3 of a winter storm that’s dumped 8 inches a day and dropped temperatures to sub-zero. Image result for snowstorm guy in t shirt

Your brother walks into the living room, icicles dangling from his nose and eyebrows, dressed in nothing but a t-shirt, jeans and sandals. “Man!” you’re brother proclaims. “I’m freezing!” After laughing your ass off at the dullard, you’d probably ask why he didn’t bother checking the forecast — or looking outdoors.

Yet on deeper issues — issues that shape the core of what makes you you — it’s impolite to ask whey they hold the opinion they do. It’s rude, we’re told. It’s intrusive. People are free to think what they want.

Exactly. So why not find out where they’re coming from?

It’s time to push back against the hunch. Our president — the one who in 2017 dissolved the National Security Council Directorate for Global Health Security and Bio Defense (the government’s pandemic team) — has a “hunch” COVID-19 will “magically” evaporate with the warming spring air. Get back to staring at the sun, Cadet Bone Spurs. COVID doesn’t give a shit about stock markets, border walls, party affiliations or wealth. This is science, bitch. There are no cuts in line. Image result for trump stares at sun

Assuming this does not wipe out the human race (and we’re making no assumptions), we will likely forget how we once prayed to science. That, as usual, will be due to science saving the day to allow us to worship whatever coconuts we hold sacred. That’s the other wondrous thing about science: It’s a faith that doesn’t seek glory, but equilibrium. Just pray we’re not too late in seeing its beauty.

How Much Is That Doggie in the Driver’s Seat?

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If the author of Evidentialism: An Atheist Guide to Faith ever gets off his ass and makes it an official book, there will be a chapter on recognizing HeavenNow moments.

HeavenNow moments are a lot like Halcyon Days (another chapter in the book, I swear). Whereas the Halcyon Days theorem posits that today is the halcyon day, that this is the halcyon day, the HeavenNow theorem makes the same assertion, just fractionally. Evidentialism acknowledges it’s a difficult state of mind to achieve. Consider HeavenNow moments a baby step towards Halcyon Days.

HN moments are easy to spot. You know you are in a HeavenNow moment if, given all options imaginable, you could not create a greater scenario in heaven. And if that’s the case, burn it in your mind. Even momentarily. You’re in heaven! Now, no less! Simply recognizing it is the first step. Do it often enough and you’ll begin to remember them. This was my latest:

Driving to my overpriced grocery store, a non-descript gray sedan pulled alongside me this week. In the car are three women, perhaps in their mid-70’s, and three tiny, yipping, bouncing dogs caroming in the car like Superballs bazooka-ed in a prison cell. They’d have leapt from the car had the ladies not rolled the windows up, leaving just a tiny gap of tantalizing air for the coked-out canines.

When I saw the fracas to my left, I must have cast a wide grin, because the ladies pulled up flush with my car so I could see the entire commotion. The dogs were loving their smello-vision. The ladies were loving their dogs.

Except maybe the lady in the back seat. She sat stoically as the rest of the car lost its collective mind. She looked like Miss Daisy at a monkey house. Maybe she was trying to bring some air of dignity to the scene. But the dogs just exploited her imperturbable body , using her rigid frame as a diving board.

One landed in the passenger seat. Or rather, was plucked by the passenger, who caught the Corgi (?) midair and brought it into her lap. She then lifted the dog, decked in a red Christmas sweater and no longer looking playful. The woman grabbed a paw and waved hi to me. The woman was grinning broadly, though her pup suddenly looked like it was in a hostage video. Muffy clearly wanted no part of this.

I didn’t know what else to do, so I waved back, though I’m not sure to whom. I guess it didn’t matter. Goddamn, I’m going to miss this place. And its HeavenNow moments. Below are some HeavenNow sitings posted online across the globe.

Perhaps that’s why our pets ignite so many of them. Deep down, we know they have a choice in the matter.