Tag Archives: midterms

The Argument for Herschel


I’m not usually one for idiots, particularly conservative ones (sorry for the redundancy).

But here, I gotta say: Let dummies reign.

I’m talking, of course, about the runoff between Raphael Warnock and Herschel Walker. For a moment, it looked like the race could decide the balance of power in the Senate, and thus control of the Supreme Court.

But Democratic Senator Catherine Cortez Masto held serve in Nevada, making this race more moot than usual at a time when mootness (and muteness) are the soup of the day at America’s political bistro.

So The HollywoodBowles officially endorses Herschel Walker as Senator from the slack-jawed state of Georgia.

Not because he’s the most-qualified candidate, obviously. But because he is the opposite — and a living Scarlet Letter from the Republican Party.

Make no mistake, Georgians: The GOP lawn-jockeyed you with Walker, a pick of such blatant political blaxploitation that it may as well have nominated Dolemite or Petey Wheatstraw. Just as they ventriliqued Sarah Palin to life, they puppet Walker to action.

Never mind he spent a career taking blows to the head. Never mind that he’s a walking fertility clinic. Never mind that, this weekend at a rally, he exclaimed “America is the greatest country in the United States!” Like Dr. Toto — I mean Oz — he was chosen by the hairpiece behind the curtain, which is qualification plenty for conservatives.

Which is why Walker should win. To put on display yet again what Republicans consider stable genius. Just as a Trump presidency was a necessary constitutional enema, so is Walker’s public service. This is what passes muster among today’s conservatives. Consider it an anal bleach, on the house.

Losing to a wontwit would be an unfair fate for Warnock, an ordained minister whose works over the past two years would impress Samson.

But the universe has always been a brutally indifferent place, particularly for dopes and those who find enlightenment in them. Stupid is as stupid does.

So, by all means, Republicans, hoist your candidate high and mighty. For He is the Chosen One’s ornament, a testimony to the will and wisdom you brought to bear in 2016. And may bring back in 2024.

Give this to the dimwits: They’ll do anything to stay on stage. Even step and fetch.

Your Test Results Came Back

 

Well, that round of radiation therapy went pretty well. Turns out that not only is the body an amazing self-righting mechanism, but the body politic is an efficient self-lefting one.

Sure, the GOP picked up seats in the Senate, but that was inevitable. We have gerrymandered ourselves into participation trophies in the most antiquated branch of the U.S. government.

The House, however, typically is more responsive to electorate desires because its members represent neighborhoods, not states. And it would be hard to deny the country’s (and, in the long haul, the planet’s) left-leaning tendencies:

  • The House turned blue (as did its investigatory authority) for the first time in eight years.
  • Women took their seat at the table. As of early Wednesday, 96 women won House races, with 31 women newly elected to the House and 65 female incumbents. That bests the previous record of 85 representatives, according to the Congressional Research Service. And votes are still being counted.Image result for democratic women midterm
  • Colorado Democratic Rep. Jared Polis became elected the nation’s first gay governor.Image result for Jared Polis
  • Democrats Sharice Davids and Deb Haaland will become the first Native American women elected to Congress.Image result for Sharice Davids and Deb Haaland
  • Michigan Democrat Rashida Tlaib and Ilhan Omar of the Minnesota Democratic-Farmer-Labor Party will become the first Muslim women in Congress.Image result for Rashida Tlaib and Ilhan Omar

Of course, none of this will change course for the GOP, which is now more bound than ever to Trump — including his firing today of Attorney General Jeff Sessions. And do we really expect the president not to shut down the government for capricious reasons — now with empowered Democrats in office to blame?

But those are worries for another day. Yes, we still have cancer, and may still succumb if we’re insistent on smoking (a Trump re-election, for instance). Yes, we’ve suffered hair loss and the nausea remains. And we still have to own the fact that we brought this illness on ourselves (with a little help from Donnie’s comrades). We’re not nearly done with our medicinal regimens. We will have wretched recovery moments. Some days, it won’t feel like remission.

But the medical definition of remission is that the cancer has stopped spreading, not that it’s gone. There’s still a fight to be had, punches to be thrown. So let’s go with partial remissions.

And that’s a fine doctor visit.  The beauty of a bad health day is you gain the insight to recognize a good one.