Monthly Archives: February 2020

Elizabeth Warren: The Democrats’ Most American Story

Image result for elizabeth warren

The seven-year-old daughter of the wisest soul I know had one question when Mom asked child who she would vote for in the Democratic primary if she had a vote.

“Which one has a cat?” the girl queried.

From the mouth of babes. (Perhaps) unwittingly, her question underscores the embarrassment of riches — and choices — facing Democrats this election year.

Consider the GOP slate of top contenders when they were vying for the top office. A brain-dead brain surgeon. A Senator who fries his bacon on AR-15 muzzles. A Senator who suffered the greatest flop sweat since Broadcast News.

And of course, Agent Orange This isn’t just low-hanging fruit. These are coconuts, rolling off the truck and down the street, ripe for the scooping.

Now consider the Democratic slate: two successful (and legitimate) billionaires, the former vice-president to America’s first African American Chief Executive; an eloquent, gay mayor with Mideast war experience, and a Senator whose looniest notion is Medicare for all.Image result for biden buttigieg bernie bloomberg steyer

And we haven’t even gotten to the best candidate: Elizabeth Warren.

This endorsement is wholehearted, but the girl was right. Their pets could as well be the deciding factor in who to choose. Even if one owned a rabid baboon, they’d still get my vote should they win the nomination. You know, since we’re currently presided over by one anyway.Image result for mad baboon trump

But look closely at the Democratic candidates, and you’ll see Warren’s story arcs eerily similar to our last Democratic president. And both are, at their core, un-corporate American success stories.

Warren grew up in a working class home and neighborhood. She began her career in education. She is criticized for being too ponderous, too deliberate, and too detailed in her answers.

Warren’s victory would be as equally historic as Obama’s, though you’d never know that from the 24/7s. It’s wonderful that the news has paid no attention to the popularity of Bernie Sanders and Michael Bloomberg, two Jewish contenders who would be the first from their faith to become president (remember when being Catholic was a deal breaker?) Image result for kennedy

But let’s not underplay Warren’s story so much that we forget its history. America tried to elect the first female president four years ago (and her 3 million+ margin of victory should have been the end of the electoral college). An arguably stronger candidate has taken her place, only without the scandals. There are no Burismas, NDA’s, stop-and-frisk scandals in Warren’s closet, so far as we know. Her undressing of Bloomberg in the debates demonstrated she can scrap with a billionaire.

She’s also laid out her plan as president to the smallest details (perhaps too small for a U.S. electorate). But just her first two oaths of her prospective administration — that it will not hire any current lobbyists and that it will not hire employees of for-profit federal contractors — are enough to counteract the nepotism and cronyism that has left the country on life support (literally if coronavirus isn’t brought under control).

Warren, too, is about as progressive as America is ready to go. While Sanders has been refreshingly blunt about his political status — he considers himself a “democratic socialist” — it won’t be long until the GOP labels all his supporters socialists. We do the same thing with Republicans, calling them Trumptards. Well, this outlet does. It’s just so damn on the money!

Warren is just to the right of Sanders, to the left of Biden. Both her and the Biden administrations are more likely to close some of political divisions that riddle the political landscape and draw lawmakers  from across the aisle, if not make red states competitive in the Senate. It’s hard to picture Sanders suturing wounds with those in MAGA hat country.

Oh, and in answer to that child’s brilliant question: Most of the candidates have dogs. And Warren’s is a Golden Retriever named Bailey, who accompanies her and her husband on countless campaign stops. ‘Nuff said.Image result for warren bailey

Finally, Warren represents where we are as a nation. The time has never been more right for women to take the reigns. They took the streets with #MeToo. They took Hollywood predators (and others in boardrooms and high-rise offices) off those streets. What would be more fitting — more American — than to pound an authoritarian rapist into the gravel?

Oh, and a side note from my mom, a secret progressive in South Carolina. She reports that, on the cusp of the S.C. primary, Trump was in her state, pleading for them to vote Bernie in what he’s termed “Operation Chaos.”

He’s right. However you vote, vote. Be heard. Cause some chaos. Just not where he expects it.

The Dunce Confederacy’s Hoax Addiction

Rep. John Garamendi, (D-Calif.) lost his shit over the Trump administration’s refusal to embrace reality this weekend, and he and his colleagues have got to learn to get theirs together too.

Garamendi took acute umbrage at the latest Trumptardian conspiracy theory, this one posited by Donny Jr. The chip off the old blockhead vented on Fox that Dems hope the coronavirus “comes here and kills millions” and ends his dad’s “streak of winning.”

JG just couldn’t help himself, telling eager cameras the Diaper Don “should not be near me when he says that. There would be a serious altercation. That is just totally outrageous. That is totally outrageous.” He later added: “Don Jr. better not get any place close to me. It would not be a healthy situation.”Image result for Rep. John Garamendi, (D-Calif.)

While it’s hard not to cheer anyone who gives Trump a what for, this is not the path. This is where you need to demonstrate you are the cooler head, the empirical side, the believer in science in the crusade back to facts. Threatening fisticuffs is their way. Not ours.

It’s especially tough now, as this time will be known as the Hoaxian era, where our leaders and half the country believed spies lurked within the Deep State of our own government to spread conspiracy. Where political slackwits challenged scientists over everything from solar eclipses  to evolution. Global warming is a hoax. Russian collusion is a hoax. Coronavirus is apparently a hoax, too.Image result for trump looking at eclipse

Unfortunately, Rep. Garamendi, there’s nothing seismic you can do about our declining collective wisdom. But you can nudge us in the right direction withing something more cutting than a threaten to kick his ass.

The Trumps love Twitter. How about a simple tweet directed Frito Corleone’s way?

@DonaldJTrumpJr, that is completely untrue that we want the coronavirus “come here and kill millions.” One will do.

Never Forget, Jackass.

The Republican elephant made its first appearance in this 1874 cartoon by Thomas Nast. A fox in the bottom right corner represents the Democratic party.

Hawk-eyed HB correspondent Earl Troglin spotted the hilarious video below a day ago. And it got me thinking about politics, of all things. Maybe that shrill den from the Democratic debate is still ringing in my ears.

Regardless, I couldn’t help but think that the creatures in the video make an odd symbol for the Republican Party. Have Republicans ever been this funny, let alone enjoyed life so much? All humans, for that matter?

But back to the symbols. I know WHY the GOP is represented by an elephant. A Harper’s  cartoonist, Thomas Nast, penned the image as a mockery of them, not a plaudit for them, during the 1860s. Same for Democrats, who were represented by the donkey. This political cartoon by Thomas Nast, taken from a 1879 edition of Harper's Weekly, was an early use of the elephant and the donkey to sybolize the Republican and Democratic parties.

The mystery is why both parties would agree to adopt the symbols. Perhaps  Nast was simply too popular with the public to even attempt re-branding. Nast also drew the iconic images of Santa and Uncle Sam.

Though the word was born in Europe in the mid 16th century, modern urban myth held that the word “nasty” came from the name Nast, so popular was he. He would become known as the nation’s first political cartoonist. But why would his primary targets not only accept the labels, but embrace them? How times have changed. Ish. Now we have one of Nast’s creations running the show. Image result for nast political cartoons

I get Democrats’ grudgingly accepting donkey status. We are asses, of myriad suffixes: Jack_, Dumb_, Arrogant_, you name it.

But elephant? The cult of Trump can’t remember that slavery ended in 1865, or that women got the right to vote in 1920. And have you ever seen footage of Trump laughing? Why are there no right-leaning versions of SNL, late shows, or Bill Maher on the air? Perhaps it’s tough to be funny when you’re not allowed to criticize The Great Leader. Or god. Image result for bill maher

But enough with the windbagging. You’re here for elephants!