Ask any parent of a newborn: There’s no reasoning with a fussy infant. You can either feed him, change him, or swaddle him in his comforting blanket. What you can’t do is cry louder than him to shut him up (though that would make for a great YouTube video).

Perhaps that’s the approach the House of Representatives should take when claiming their newly-won seats next month: Be the responsible parents in a nursery of crabby newborns.

Starting with the border wall. Give it to president petulant.

As much as it would pain Democrats — and delight Republicans and Trumpanzees — it’s time for the House to become the adults in the room. And loudly announce that approach.

The reason is simple math. The shutdown is not only winnowing our already-depleted confidence is public servants; it’s literally harming the people who simply want to do their jobs.

As of tomorrow, we will be one week into the shutdown. And look what it’s cost us: 380,000 “non essential” federal workers received an unwelcome vacation over Christmas in the form of unpaid furloughs. Another 420,000 had to work through the holidays, also unpaid, on a Trump promise they would get a retroactive paycheck when government reopens. Is there any promise he’s ever kept? Particularly involving free labor?

That’s 800,000 Americans held hostage by pride.

And the math gets more grim from there. In late 2017, Standard & Poor’s Global Ratings U.S. economics team calculated that the country loses $6.5 billion a week in lost productivity. We have already eclipsed the cost of Trump’s ransom note of $5 billion for his wall.

The House has an opportunity to hold a mantle it hasn’t grasped in decades: working for people, regardless of party. And considering the ransom amounts to one-half of one percent of the U.S. debt, it’s clear what this stalemate has become — an incessant backseat bickering amounting to  “Mom, he’s touching my side of the seat!” on a road trip both parents are already regretting.

So become the parents. And scolding ones, at that.

As the televised “negotiation” between Trump, Nancy Pelosi, Chuck Schumer and a mannequin of Mike Pence underscored, restrained debate does not work, either politically or practically.

What the Democrats need is an unofficial spokesperson who can firebrand with the Pumpkin-in-Chief. Perhaps Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez, Kamela Harris, Corey Booker, or any of the party’s young turks. 

And make it plain that the $5 billion is not for the wall, but to pacify a petulant child. In fact, officially give it a title that says just that. Perhaps the Baby Binket Bill. And in introducing it on the floor, be as cutting as Trump in its introduction. “We know the president will likely spend much of it to silence porn stars and playmates, and that the wall will be as successful as his ‘university’ and ‘charity’ — in Chapter 11. But Americans who believe in working should not be punished by a pathological scam artist.”

Sean Hannity and his colleagues at Pravda News will collectively lose their minds. The Senate would surely change the name of the bill. The president might veto it on the insult alone. 

But the statement would have already been made official — and would stick. Trump has always been canny with insults that stick (“Lyin’ Ted, Lil’ Marco). Beat him to the punch. More importantly, become the party that reclaims the high ground. God knows it’s low hanging fruit for the taking.

Swallow your pride, throw the punch, employ the people.

This is the time for resolutions, none of which we keep. Mine, for instance, will be the same I had last year: Take up smoking; try meth; and get even with that hobo.

Dems can go a step further by making (and keeping) just one:

Do your fucking job.