Tag Archives: george carlin

Well Goddamn

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What’s your favorite cuss word?

It says a lot about a person. Is it one of the original seven George Carlin said could not be spoken on television (shit, piss, fuck, cunt, cocksucker, motherfucker, and tits)? Is it quaint (ass or dammit, with two m’s)? Is it an epithet? And what do you use it for? To express anger? To express frustration? To express…yourself?

Mine is goddamn. I can still remember when the word was unofficially one of Carlin’s verboten. Well, the full word. The networks would let you get away with “damn.” But god forbid you add the unholy predicate.

So it automatically became my go-to phrase for anything that doesn’t go my way. My team lost? Goddamn. I screwed up my taxes? Goddamn. There isn’t syrup in every one of the squares of my waffle? Goddamnit!

Today, the word become even more precious to me when I stumbled upon this FactSlap: Latin had about 800 obscene words; English has only about 20.

Well goddamn.

Onward, FactSlaps!

  • A 2018 study of Hitler’s teeth, held in Moscow, claims to prove he died after taking cyanide and shooting himself in the head in 1945. Image result for hitler's teeth
  • The fastest a dolphin can swim near the surface is 33.5 mph.Image result for dolphin
  • Netflix is responsible for 15% of global Internet traffic.
  • About 20% of the world’s tech founders are immigrants, even though immigrants only make up about 4 percent of the world’s population.
  • In 1924, half the cars in the world were Fords.Image result for 1924 Ford
  • No one knows what Machu Picchu was used for, but some believe it was a royal estate or a secret ceremonial center.Image result for Machu Picchu
  • In 4 of the 5 largest cities in the U.S., it’s cheaper to rely on Uber than to own a car, a 2018 report found.
  • During WWII, Japan bombed China with fleas infected with Bubonic Plague.Image result for During WW2, Japan bombed China with fleas infected with bubonic plague.
  • Bart Simpson’s name is an anagram of BRAT. His full name is Bartholomew Jojo Simpson.Image result for bart simpson
  • Germany had highest numbers of asylum requests in 2015.
  • Elon Musk was ousted as CEO of PayPal because he insisted on switching from Unix-based infrastructure to Windows.Image result for elon musk
  • In 2004, Los Angeles planted a pine tree in memory of Beatle, George Harrison. Ten years later, it died of a beetle infestation.Image result for In 2004, Los Angeles planted a pine tree in memory of Beatle, George Harrison. Ten years later, it died of a beetle infestation.
  • There is a version of the Bible translated into Hawaiian Pidgin called ‘Da Jesus Book’.Image result for There is a version of the Bible translated into Hawaiian Pidgin called 'Da Jesus Book'.
  • Bill Gates continued to fly coach until 1997, when his net worth was already US$36 billion.
  • In more than half of U.S. cities, it is illegal for homeless people to sit or lay on the sidewalk.Image result for sit or lay on sidewalk

Is You Is, Or Is You Isn’t?

 

George Carlin found fame with his list of the seven remaining dirty words. They are:

  • shit.
  • piss.
  • fuck.
  • cunt.
  • cocksucker.
  • motherfucker.
  • tits.

Time has taken the edge off all but one. And a few — shit, piss and tits — are now deemed suitable for network television (but not “goddamn,” for some reason. And that’s my favorite swear).

In truth, there are only three forbidden words remaining in the English language. They are the C-word, the N-word and F-word (not fuck). They remain forbidden because all violate the First Law of Economic Darwinism: To offend a viable demographic is to court death within that financial ecosystem. Charlie Rose, Matt Lauer, Roseanne, Louis C.K. all violated that basic principle, and disappeared, literally, within days.

But Trump need not worry about the First Law. Perhaps any law. His wacky lackey made ripples on Meet the Press today when he said, in regards to the investigation of Russian collusion, “truth is not truth.”

And he may be right. His employers have sold us on “alternative facts.”

When the Sunday squawkers weren’t cawing over Giuliani’s latest song and dance, they were speculating whether “the tape” would surface soon.

You know “the tape.” The one from the Apprentice franchise in which Trump reportedly uses the N-word. Perhaps regularly. Omarosa is on a book tour claiming to have them. Penn Jillette, a former Celebrity Apprentice contestant, has made the Breaking News circuit with cagey confirmations of the president’s epithet of choice.

To which I must ask: Would the tape make a difference, regardless of what’s on it? We’ve already heard a tape that would bury anyone else’s political aspirations. It only made him a purer martyr in his flock’s eyes. We have already witnessed that Trump is tweet- and tape-proof.

Let’s say there was a tape that proved definitively that Trump helped supply the Las Vegas shooter with automatic weapons and munitions. How much do you think his base would diminish? How many would cite Revelations 2.0: “The truth is not truth.”

The truth about truth is this: it becomes irrelevant in the face of faith. Here, then, are some Factslaps that deserve a little faith:

  • Usain Bolt was offered a position as wide receiver in the NFL and rejected it due to the hits NFL players take.  Image result for usain bolt nfl
  • “King” in a snake’s name signifies it preys on other snakes. Image result for king cobra
  • The Korean title for the 1993 film Groundhog Day is “Black Hole of Love.”
  • Back pain is the single leading cause of disability worldwide. In the US, back pain costs over $50 billion in missed work days.
  • Henry Hiemlich used the Hiemlich Maneuver for the first time at 96-years-old in 2016. Image result for Henry Heimlich
  • Sylvester Stallone considers his 1992 movie Stop! Or My Mom Will Shoot as “maybe one of the worst films in the entire solar system.” Image result for Stop! Or My Mom Will Shoot
  • Every day, the number of people around the world living in extreme poverty (less than about $2 a day) goes down by 217,000.