My plus twos

It’s rare that bipeds come to the park without their emotional support pups (and what dogs are not?). But you’ve surely noticed the odd goings on there of late. 

Surveyors in yellow hats. Their government trucks parked horizontally over vertical stripes. Cameramen in full gear. Reporters REALLY hoping to not step in something; not in these shoes. 

Don’t worry. None of them are vets. 

No, the humans are here for politics. Politics is what we do we’re not focused on more important things, i.e., you.

The people in helmets are surveilling how much of the park can be cut and how long it can be closed. See, the Summer Olympics are coming here in 2028, and the city wants to look its spiffiest. 

Which means more bike paths. And I hate to tell you guys: They want land from your park. Our petitions didn’t dissuade. Our pressure could not prevent. 

That’s why you see all the cameras and tasty shoes. Reporters want to know what your parents think of that — along with our thoughts on a new Los Angeles ordinance banning backyard breeding (shelters are 210% over capacity).

We’re all pretty united on both fronts: You can bike the street, but a dog already has a scarcity of choices. And Charlie would like a moment in private with his former backyard bait dog owner.

So be extra patient with the unaccompanied majors you see tromping your backyard. They’ve got a job to do, even if it is to pave paradise. Some might even have pups of their own.

But Charlie, feel free to jack a leg on one of those trucks. And, for this time only, any nice shoes dropped on the ground are fair game.