Tag Archives: Republicans

Never Forget, Jackass.

The Republican elephant made its first appearance in this 1874 cartoon by Thomas Nast. A fox in the bottom right corner represents the Democratic party.

Hawk-eyed HB correspondent Earl Troglin spotted the hilarious video below a day ago. And it got me thinking about politics, of all things. Maybe that shrill den from the Democratic debate is still ringing in my ears.

Regardless, I couldn’t help but think that the creatures in the video make an odd symbol for the Republican Party. Have Republicans ever been this funny, let alone enjoyed life so much? All humans, for that matter?

But back to the symbols. I know WHY the GOP is represented by an elephant. A Harper’s  cartoonist, Thomas Nast, penned the image as a mockery of them, not a plaudit for them, during the 1860s. Same for Democrats, who were represented by the donkey. This political cartoon by Thomas Nast, taken from a 1879 edition of Harper's Weekly, was an early use of the elephant and the donkey to sybolize the Republican and Democratic parties.

The mystery is why both parties would agree to adopt the symbols. Perhaps  Nast was simply too popular with the public to even attempt re-branding. Nast also drew the iconic images of Santa and Uncle Sam.

Though the word was born in Europe in the mid 16th century, modern urban myth held that the word “nasty” came from the name Nast, so popular was he. He would become known as the nation’s first political cartoonist. But why would his primary targets not only accept the labels, but embrace them? How times have changed. Ish. Now we have one of Nast’s creations running the show. Image result for nast political cartoons

I get Democrats’ grudgingly accepting donkey status. We are asses, of myriad suffixes: Jack_, Dumb_, Arrogant_, you name it.

But elephant? The cult of Trump can’t remember that slavery ended in 1865, or that women got the right to vote in 1920. And have you ever seen footage of Trump laughing? Why are there no right-leaning versions of SNL, late shows, or Bill Maher on the air? Perhaps it’s tough to be funny when you’re not allowed to criticize The Great Leader. Or god. Image result for bill maher

But enough with the windbagging. You’re here for elephants!

 

And Would It Kill You to Say ‘Please?’

Special Counsel Robert Mueller leaves the U.S. Capitol on June 21, 2017. (AP/Andrew Harnik)

Robert Mueller didn’t have to enter the Vietnam War. He wasn’t poor and wasn’t drafted. As a student at Princeton, Mueller had ample opportunity to point to his education to defend avoiding a pointless war. Given his academic record, it would be a helluva lot more convincing reason than bone spurs in a foot he could not recall.

But Mueller was shaken by the death of friend and schoolmate David Spencer Hackett during the war, and gave this reason to a reporter for a life dedicated to military service.Image result for David Spencer Hackett

“One of the reasons I went into the Marine Corps was because we lost a very good friend, a Marine in Vietnam, who was a year ahead of me at Princeton,” Mueller said in a 2016 interview. “There were a number of us who felt we should follow his example and at least go into the service. And it flows from there.”

In July 1968, he was sent to South Vietnam, where he served as a rifle platoon leader as a second lieutenant with Second Platoon, H Company, 2nd Battalion, 4th Marines, 3rd Marine Division. On December 11, 1968, during an engagement in Operation Scotland II, he earned the Bronze Star with “V” device for combat valor for rescuing a wounded Marine under enemy fire during an ambush in which he saw half of his platoon become casualties.

In April 1969, he received an enemy gunshot wound in the thigh, recovered, and returned to lead his platoon until June 1969. For his service in and during the Vietnam War, his military decorations and awards include: the Bronze Star Medal with Combat “V”, Purple Heart Medal, two Navy and Marine Corps Commendation Medals with Combat “V”, Combat Action Ribbon, National Defense Service Medal, Vietnam Service Medal with four service stars, Republic of Vietnam Gallantry Cross, Republic of Vietnam Campaign Medal, and Parachutist Badge.

After returning to the States, he served for 12 years in United States Attorney offices. After all that, he was saddled for two years with the duties of Special Counsel of the investigation into “Russian interference in the 2016 United States elections and related matters.” In other words, two years of servitude freighted by Donnie Dumbo and his oily lackeys. Image result for mueller trump funny

Despite two years of Donnie’s, the GOP’s and Fox News’ subterfuge, he netted netted indictments against 34 people and three entities on nearly 200 separate criminal charges. Five associates of Trump have been convicted, and another, Roger Stone, is awaiting trial. All without a single controversy, instance of press leaks, political grandstanding, or Lester Holt interviews. The guy became a legal Hermit King, earning uniform praise from Democrats despite his being a Republican.

And now, with the 300-page report finished, he will likely see subpoenas to testify before Congress. Hint to Bob: Bring a gas mask and hazmat suit to the hearings to protect yourself from lethal, political gasbaggery during testimony.

What’s worse is that Dems, who pretended to praise and safeguard Mueller to let his investigation run its course, have not even taken to a mike or podium to thank Mueller for all the bullshit he’s had to endure in the name of country.

What despicable cowardice. Even on issues that divide us, from school shootings to hate crimes to collusion, Dems usually know to feign graciousness before serving rapaciousness. How many times have we heard them say, for instance, “First, our prayers go to the family of…” Or when McCain died, how easily the praise trickled from their mouths despite professional difference.Image result for democrats and mccain funeral

Not with Bob. The left has taken Mueller’s report like a colonoscopy, bitching and moaning at every rectal discomfort. Nancy, would it be too much to tell underlings to start with a similar caveat? Something along the lines of, “First, we should all thank Mr. Mueller for his tireless energy in a thankless job…” We know the work was thankless, full stop. But that doesn’t mean you can’t thank, nonetheless.

Or better yet, pass a resolution officially recognizing Mueller’s service — as Special Counsel and beyond. People have won keys to cities for less sacrifice. It would surely be shot down by the GOP, if Sen. “turtle flap” McConnell even allowed it on the floor to the vote.Image result for mcconnell turtle gif

But strike first. Strike nobly. Let the slackwits bicker and bawl, but the high ground is open and unclaimed. So claim it, you slimy, spineless fucktards.

And thank you very much for your time.

See? That wasn’t so hard.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=u1z4vkPWkLQ

 

 

 

‘Please, Please, It’s Too Much Winning.’

 

I’ve never been much on attack ads, Political Action Committees or cliches, especially in U.S. politics.

Alas, it may be time to embrace all of them. In fact, it may be the only time.

As demonstrated in the terrific documentary Get Me Roger Stone, the GOP has been masterful at whisper campaigns, PAC money laundering and sloganeering. How else to explain that our last two Republican presidents managed to take  office despite not winning the popular vote? (If the Dems do win enough of the two branches of government and do not eliminate the electoral college — an antiquated concession to appease slave states after the Civil War — they will deserve its consequences.)

But we’re getting ahead of ourselves. The Dems’ first goal has to be 2020. And never have they been more poised to claim it.

Consider: The Democrats have never been a more diffused enemy to target, nor the Republicans a more unified one. So why not start the attack ads now?

The reasoning is simple math. The Dems are looking at the most crowded slate of presidential hopefuls in the party’s history. And it’s too early to begin ads from any of them for fear of voter fatigue. But that’s an advantage; it makes a smear against any of them impossible.

Image result for democratic presidential candidates

Republicans, on the other hand, have become victims of political singularity: The Donald. Challengers have either died, retired, or quietly become supplicants of the inbred tanning bed. Image result for mcconnell graham

So why not start sowing the seeds of discontent now against Trump, which would be a shotgun blast at the GOP writ large. Liberals have free reign to use PAC money to point out the broken promises of the president, with no singular target vulnerable to a return volley. What would a GOP ad do? Attack Nancy Pelosi or Chuck Schumer? There’s no indication either will even seek the Democratic nomination.

You don’t even need a narrator for the ads.

Picture this: a prime-time, 30-second spot simply replaying a broken promise Trump has made, followed by a headline or news clip showing the reality of truth. There would be so many to choose from you’d run out of PAC money before you could address them all. (Speaking of which, while you’re at it, change the acronym, Dems. Instead of Political Action Committee, already seen as a scourge, why not Public Action Committees?)

Sample ads could include:

  • Trump’s promise that Mexico would pay for a border wall. Then cut to any number of rebuttals, from Mexico laughing at the proposal of Trump proudly — and publicly — announcing he’d take the mantle of shutting down the U.S. government if Congress won’t force taxpayers to foot the bill.  Image result for mexico laughing at paying for the wall
  • Trump’s public denial of global warming. Then cut to the 17 TRUMP-run agencies declaring it real. Or footage of a state on fire.  Image result for california wildfires 2018 from freeway
  • Or underwater.Image result for hurricane flooding 2018
  • Or Trump’s promise of a tax cut, along with his oath of a simpler tax form. Image result for trump kissing tax form
  • Follow that with the new IRS study showing refunds declined 17% in 2018.Image result for smaller tax refund 2018
  • Or the promise of bringing jobs back to America. Abutted against, among others, Harley-Davidson’s announcement of moving abroad because of tariffs.
  • Or his pledge of hiring “only the best” advisers, trailed by mugshots of Trump campaign staff charged, indicted or already in prison. Image result for trump indictment bingo

 

The options are endless. And the precedent already set: Remember the Brett Kavanaugh support TV commercials? And the guy wasn’t even running for office.
Image result for angry brett kavanaugh

At the end of each ad, end with Trump’s most notorious lie: the promise that voters would win so much they’d get sick of it.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=daOH-pTd_nk

After the clip, simply end with the tagline: SICK OF ‘WINNING’ YET?

Throw a punch back, Dems. You already struggle with a mealy mouth reputation, a stigma that has likely cost you myriad elections. Yes, it would require embracing the demons of American politics: negative ads and PAC money. But you already do, just too late in the game. Sometimes it’s better to own the pit bull than be running from it.

And yes, it’s a tired cliche, to fight fire with fire. But as we learned watching innumerable firefighters struggling just to hold their own last year, controlled burns work.

That’s the ugly reality about cliches. All have a kernel of truth. So speak it.