Saturday Night Live had a wonderful recurring skit featuring Chris Farley as a motivational speaker who lived in a van down by the river.
My favorite was one lampooning air quotes. Farley was explaining why a suburban couple should hire him as their child’s private tutor — even though he didn’t technically have a “high school diploma,” nor did he “bathe daily.”
I used to think it clever parody. Now I see it isn’t parody at all. It’s mimicry.
As a word nerd, I have a few grammatical hangups: misusing “I” and “me;” using the word “impact” as a verb (sardines and teeth notwithstanding); and misusing air quotes. Webster’s definition of air quotes is “a pair of quotation marks gestured by a speaker’s fingers in the air, to indicate that what is being said is ironic or mocking, or is not a turn of phrase the speaker would typically employ.”
Forget speaking. Why, just look at the carnage trying to write air quotes. Never mind caravans and language barriers. We have our own invaders: English-speaking slackwits.
And keep in mind: These people can vote. But so can you.
What is this store’s policy?
So what can be stored in here?
Is Sandra going to kill me in my sleep?
Does this person really want me to have a happy Halloween?
Okay, so what IS the drinking age?
What’s this mystery product in aisle 9?
Who is Timmy really going on a road trip with?
Do they “want” you to steal the products?
Is that a threat?
What on Earth does this man want from me?
Huh?
Why does this seem very alarming?
What can we do in the bathroom?
What am I really touching?
Do you really want to ring this bell?
