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Fuck Thor

Some have days of the week named after them and others are Marvel superheroes, but many Norse gods haven’t been thought about much outside of academic circles since the Icelandic poet and historian Snorri Sturluson wrote about them in the 13th century. That’s a shame, since the pantheon of Norse mythology extends far beyond the likes of Thor and Odin — and includes such deities as the crone who brought the god of thunder to one knee in a wrestling match. (Snorri wrote the Prose Edda, which, alongside the Poetic Edda, whose author is unknown, remains the foundational text for modern understanding of Norse mythology.) Here are five lesser-known mythological figures Snorri wrote about, and why they’re worth knowing — or perhaps even making a movie or comic book — about.

Elli

Vintage illustration of Thor being defeated by Elli.

Few mythical figures, whether gods or otherwise, can claim to have held their own against Thor. Even fewer can say they beat him, but the giantess Elli is one of those who can rightfully make the boast. 

Admittedly, there’s some trickery involved in the story. The giantess, considered the personification of Old Age, is said to beat Thor in a wrestling match while the god of thunder visits the giant king Utgard-Loki in his castle. As part of a series of tests of strength, Thor agrees to wrestle Utgard-Loki’s nurse — a challenge he accepts without realizing his opponent’s true identity. Thor struggles throughout the contest until Elli forces him to one knee, at which point Utgard-Loki declares the match over, and commends Thor for faring as well against old age as he did.
The tale is recounted in the Gylfaginning section of the Prose Edda, and sadly marks Elli’s only mention in the text.

Lofn

Heart is locked in a cage, similar to Norse mythology Lofn.

Norse mythology tends to evoke images of strength, battle, and violence. One exception is Lofn, a kind of matchmaker who specializes in forbidden love affairs. She’s described by Snorri as “so gracious and good to call on that she gets permission from Alfodr [Odin] or Frigg for the intercourse of people, men and women, although otherwise it would be banned or forbidden.” Also known as “The Comforter,” the goddess of love and gentleness has a special fondness for small and/or helpless beings. “Lof,” meaning “praise,” is derived from her name.

Víðarr

Víðarr on horseback.

Sometimes known as the Silent God, Víðarr (also anglicized as Vidar and Vithar) is the son of Odin and the jötunn (a being akin to a giantess) Gríðr — making him Thor’s half-brother. He’s often associated with vengeance, and with good reason: Odin’s ultimate fate is to be killed by the wolf Fenrir during Ragnarök, the “Twilight of the Gods” that’s essentially Norse mythology’s end of the world; Víðarr’s destiny, meanwhile, is to avenge his father by slaying Fenrir. Víðarr is also one of the few gods who survives Ragnarök (at least in some accounts), though little is written about him beyond his actions during these cataclysmic events other than to mention his status as the second-strongest god after Thor.

Víðarr is mentioned in both the Prose Edda and Poetic Edda, with the latter describing his most important deed thusly:

“Then comes Sigfather’s | mighty son,

Vithar, to fight | with the foaming wolf;

In the giant’s son | does he thrust his sword

Full to the heart: | his father is avenged.”

Angrboða

The giantess Angrboda.

With a name that’s been translated as “she who brings sorrow” and “grief-bringer,” Angrboða has a lot to live up to. For better and (mostly) for worse, she does. A giantess (jötunn) and one of the trickster god Loki’s lovers, she ultimately gives birth to three monsters: Fenrir, the wolf fated to kill Odin during Ragnarök; Hel, who rules over the dead; and Jörmungandr, the serpent who encircles the entire world and is Thor’s archnemesis. The mother of monsters is indirectly responsible for some of Norse mythology’s most catastrophic events, though there’s no indication that Angrboða herself is evil — after birthing that terrible trio, she’s mostly known to reside in Jötunheim (the land of the giants) on her lonesome without any contact with either Loki or the monstrous spawn they had together. Some people’s children, as they say.

Hoenir

Drawing of Hoenir.

Hoenir — whose name is spelled several different ways (Hönir is also common) — works alongside Odin and Loki to create the first humans, Ask and Embla, by imbuing two pieces of driftwood with “essential gifts” whose exact properties remain a matter of debate centuries later. Here’s how the moment is described in Völuspá (Prophecy of the Seeress), the first poem in the Poetic Edda:

“They had no breath,

they had no soul,

they had neither hair nor voice,

nor a good appearance.

Odin gave them breath,

Hoenir gave them a soul,

Lodur / Loki gave them hair

and a good appearance.”

Here’s where it gets confusing. Hoenir’s gift imbues the humans with óðr, an untranslatable Old Norse word that can encompass everything from understanding to poetic inspiration to frenzy on the battlefield. But since óðr is the root of Odin’s name and another Norse tale suggests that humans derive their óðrfrom Odin himself, some consider this mention of Hoenir to be an extension of Odin himself. Hoenir remains important not despite this ambiguity but because of it — much of Norse mythology is murky and ambiguous, with few figures embodying those qualities quite like he does.

Of course, he’s no Persephone.

Oh the Humanity!

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Stop the presses, hold the phone, and crank up the AC. Hell hath frozen over: Donald Trump was correct about something.

Not the broken-clock kind of correct. God knows Donnie Dimwit couldn’t keep up the blistering pace of being right twice a day. He’s lucky if he’s right twice a month.

But last week, in classic Trump style,  he managed to say something accurate. It was in defense of the (correct) claim that he’s a racist. Just as he did in claiming Bill Clinton had something to do with Jeffrey Epstein’s death, he pointed at someone else as the culprit of an undeniable truth about racism in America. “Liberal Hollywood is Racist at the highest level, and with great Anger and Hate!” he sausage-fingered from his safe haven aboard Air Force One. “They like to call themselves ‘Elite,’ but they are not Elite. In fact, it is often the people that they so strongly oppose that are actually the Elite.”

Well I’ll be damned. I guess I shouldn’t be surprised by his assertion about show biz. After all, it birthed his very presidency.

Still, as usual, the Molester-in-Chief got it only partly right. In truth, Hollywood isn’t liberal, though he and his base would scream to the contrary. But statistical research bears out what he said — and what we all know instinctively to be true. After all, this is an industry that glorifies gun ownership and vilifies environmentalism. How many times have our cinematic heroes solved their problems by being armed to the teeth? Ever seen an electric car in a Fast & Furious installment?

Delve a little deeper, and you’ll see that Hollywood mirrors corporate America in its white male ownership, and not only at the studio-head level. Here are just a few numbers to illustrate:

Women make up 52% of the U.S. population. But on the silver screen, here’s their representation, according to the Center for the Study of Women in Television and Film. Women make up:

  • 4% of directors
  • 15% of writers
  • 3% of cinematographers
  • 18% of producers
  • 18% of executive producers
  • 14% of editors
  • 6% of composers

When it comes to minorities, the numbers are just as bleak. According to a 2019 UCLA study of minorities in film, people of color make up 40% of the nation’s population. But in the movies, they comprise:

  • 19.8% of leading actors
  • 12.6% of directors
  • 7.8% of writers

In television, minorities make up:

  • 21.5% of characters on scripted shows on the networks
  • 21.3% of characters on scripted shows on cable
  • 28.4% of characters on reality shows on networks
  • 22.4% of characters on reality shows on cable

They’re dismal figures, but would we expect anything else from America’s largest exporter? In 2020, the entertainment and media market in the United States is expected to be worth over $720.38 billion, according to the economic research firm Statisa.

Not that we need statistics to prove all this. Remember the outrage when Idris Elba was being considered to be the next 007 in the James Bond series? Image result for idris elba bond

Or when the Star Wars franchise dared incorporate a black stormtrooper? Image result for star wars black stormtrooper

The difference between Hollywood and the rest of America, of course, is that at least showbiz is attempting to appear like they’re doing something about the problem. What was the hottest film of last year? Black Panther. Image result for black pantherWhat was the biggest movie of this year? Avengers: Endgame, with a superhero cast as diverse in race and gender as Up With People.Image result for up with people

Marvel has taken further steps, announcing 10 films to follow Endgame, which include two more Black Panther installments, Natalie Portman and Cate Blanchett anchoring the next Thor movie, and Scarlett Johansson getting her own Black Widow film.Image result for natalie portman thor

Trump’s attack on Hollywood puzzled many, but it’s likely due to him gaining wind of a movie scheduled for release this fall called The Hunt. It was indefinitely shelved because of the mass shootings in El Paso and Dayton, but the premise must have enraged Trump nonetheless. The film, which stars Hilary Swank, Betty Gilpin, and Emma Roberts, does not mention political ideology or Trump in its advertising. But a draft of the script (originally titled Red State Vs. Blue State) centered on hunting human game and featured such lines as “Did anyone see what our ratfucker-in-chief just did” and “nothing better than going out to the Manor and slaughtering a dozen deplorables,” as well as descriptions of its hunted characters having shared racist or pro-life views. Image result for the hunt movie

Maybe Donnie was just pissed that he hasn’t been asked to star in any films lately. And that’s not likely to change soon. After all, the camera adds 10 pounds. And the way he’s scarfing Big Macs and KFC, he’d likely only be considered to play the titular role in a drama about the Hindenburg.

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