Given my fondness for — and advocacy of — weed, I’m pretty sure I put the narc in narcissist. I have an inventions list, a set of hostage demands, and even a third website I really should retire but youjustneverknow.

But never a drink. Til now!

I stumbled on it entirely by accident, so I’m pretty sure the whole world knows it. And I have seen a couple memes on Google. But never an actual piece on the legitimate question: Is hot Gatorade good — and better at fighting flu than hot tea?

Listening internet? We’re breaking ground here.

Hot Gatorade is good if you like your hot tea reeeaaallly sweet. Which I do; I Sweet N’ Low my sugar. Sam says it’s okay: He says there’s only now, so season life to every taste. And he said that just half a second ago.

See, he was rearranging abdominal furniture when we needed something hot for the gut and throat. I was out of regular tea, and was going to saccharine up the decaf. And then, like Feynman peering into the quantum infinite, I epiphanied:

Nuke Gatorade.

Only 60 seconds or so. That’s the beauty of a Scotty B: You can nuke, let cool, reheat and not worry about leaves settling at the bottom of the cup, like for those tea-sipping troglodytes.

More importantly, there could be some science to the Scotty B. Think about it. If you’re home nursing, say, strep and sipping caffeinated tea, aren’t you dehydrating yourself at the moment you should be doing the opposite? And even decaffeinated tea doesn’t replace electrolytes.

To be fair, you have to mentally brace for hot sweetness that isn’t chocolate, perhaps already a dealbreaker. And some hot power drinks are as sweet as syrup on meth. But given how much we sweeten flavorless hot liquid, heating sweet liquid doesn’t seem that far a stretch.

I’m pretty sure Gatorade already knows of this, because they’ve come up with a flavor straight from the Sedona spa: Lime Cucumber. And it doesn’t suck.

If you like to Irish up your coffee, vodka doesn’t change the flavor of a Scotty B. much, while still maintaining the neon colors that let you think you’re having morning juice on Tatooine.

Voila! The Scotty B.

I do not recommend this drink cold.