The New Dunce Confederates

Novak Djokovic (Photo by Darrian Traynor/Getty Images)



The great thing about professional sports is that they allow for vilification. Only in sport are we permitted to assign a name, number, even identifying color to help put a human face on villainy.

Yankee pinstripes. Celtic shamrocks. How ‘bout them Cowboys?

Now, say hello to the new knave: the unvaccinated jock. No need to hate them for their mascot. Now you can hate them for their mindset.

Normally, we cut these wont wits some slack. After all, they bounce balls and hurl sticks for a living. Find one that isn’t raging on steroids, beating on a loved one or selling their soul for home, life and auto insurance, and we’re talking political office.

Which may explain the latest degradation in American athletics. Because there’s no other way to describe the corrosive effect these athletes are having on the the very sport they claim to love and represent. Never mind the health of fans who cluster to watch them perform Stupid Human Tricks — or the “teammates” trying to do the same thing. The unvaccinated have become the new libertarians of the sports world.

In the spirit of ferreting fools, here are some of the most notable unvaccinated athletes:

Aaron Rodgers

Rodgers is the most recent famous athlete to make headlines because of being unvaccinated. After saying that he was “immunized” against the virus despite not receiving the vaccine, he tested positive in early November. So Aaron: Don’t think of yourself as having gotten your ass kicked in the playoffs Sunday. Think of it as being immunized from the Super Bowl again.

Novak Djokovic

Currently ranked the No.1 player in the world by the Association of Tennis Professionals, Djokovic has refused to disclose his vaccination status. He was deported back to his home in Serbia after trying to compete in the Australian Opening this month despite the country’s pandemic protocols. Hopefully France sends him packing again for the French Open.

Anthony Rizzo

When he played with the Chicago Cubs, Anthony Rizzo chose not to get vaccinated because he was “taking some more time to see the data.” He then tested positive for COVID in August after having been traded to the Yankees. When he was asked about his vaccination status again at the end of August, he said, “I just had COVID, so they say for three months I’m kinda in the clear, so I think after that it will be the time to really make the decision again.” The MLB doesn’t currently have a vaccination mandate for players.

Kyrie Irving

The NBA doesn’t have a mandatory vaccine policy either, but New York’s vaccine policy requires players be vaccinated in order to play or practice indoors. Brooklyn’s Irving, who refuses vaccination, can only play in away games in cities that do not have COVID mandates. Desperate for success, the Nets use him as road show attraction. Kind of like a carnival without the wisdom of carnies.

Cole Beasley

Cole Beasley has had A LOT to say — on Twitter and in person — about the NFL’s vaccination policy and COVID protocols, but it all boils down to the same thing: He’s unvaccinated and wishes to remain as such. He eventually deleted his Twitter account after posting, “I may die of COVID, but I’d rather die actually living.” Wait, what?

Much has been made about whether the unvaccinated — particularly vociferous anti-vaxxers — should be ridiculed when they fall to the virus. The question became contentious after the death of GOP figure and anti-vaxxer Kelly Ernby died from COVID earlier this month.

Former Orange County GOP Assembly candidate Kelly Ernby
Orange County GOP figure Kelly Ernby died last week of COVID after disparaging anti-pandemic measures.
(Ben Chapman)

And it’s hardly just athletes and politicians. Celebrities from Jim Carrey to Charlie Sheen to Alicia Silverstone proudly wear the anti-vax sash. Carrey once said he does not opt into “the C.D.C. agenda.” Do all of those people — and nearly half the nation, by most accounts — deserve scorn, ridicule, mockery?

Sadly, yes.

There are only two types of Americans who are not vaccinated in this pandemic: People who cannot get a vaccine, for economic or physical reasons; and those who will not.

Those in the first category deserve our sympathy and help, at all costs. This is America, goddamnit.

Those in the second category, misled by disinformation and misinformation, simply must be shunned. Were this, say, leprosy, would we be so welcoming of those willing to put the populace at existential risk?

America’s unvaccinated are the equivalent of smokers demanding the right to light up at the daycare center. Only worse: COVID is lung cancer you catch in a cough and die in a sneeze. If dimwits don’t want to vaccinate their kids — against COVID, polio, mumps, etc., — that’s their choice. Americans have a right to be wrong.

Just don’t visit your wrongheadedness upon the rest of the nation. If you’re a science-denier mid-pandemic, maybe America isn’t for you. So, if you’d be so kind, please let the door hit you in the ass on your way out to the grave, because my boot won’t reach that far.