There was much consternation and confusion over Donald Trump’s apparent refusal to sign a COVID relief bill this weekend, which strikes me as odd. For one, there’s plenty of congressional support that will make some iteration of “relief” inevitable. Secondly, the timing feels off; the infection has already set.

After all, Donald Trump is the novel coronavirus incarnate. Consider the parallels:

• Tremendous infection rate.

There have been more than 19 million people with COVID in America. More than 75 million people voted for Donald Trump. While not all of those infected were hospitalized, all were clinically ill.

• Loss of basic brain impulses.

COVID patients reported side effects that include loss of taste and smell, and doctors say some complications could be permanent. Trump infectees exhibit a resistance to science, reason and factual information. Some of those most afflicted even lose the ability to count, according to state election officials nationwide.

• High fatality rate.

More than 330,000 Americans have died of COVID, or about 1 out of 1,000 of U.S. residents. Roughly 46% of American voters self-reported cases of Trump Deficiency Syndrome (TDS) on Nov. 4, 2020. In addition, Trump held dozens of super-spreader events leading up to the mass diagnosis. While the exact casualty rate is uncertain, COVID undoubtedly peeled off a key percentage of Trumpeteers, including Howard Cain.

• Strain on existing management systems.

COVID has stagered the nation’s health care system, leaving some counties in America without an available Intensive Care Unit bed. TDS, meanwhile, has put a terrific strain on America’s political, a similar duress that tests the nation’s tensile strength.

• Difficulty eradicating from the host body.

Once COVID enters the bloodstream, it is a bitch to eradicate, often requiring months of therapy and treatment. Kind of like a president bunkering inside a White House, fighting eviction.

What a Human Covid Looks Like

Now imagine for a moment that coronavirus is a thinking, calculating human killer (which it may be). If you were COVID, and needed a human being to act as double agent, insurgent and propagator, who would you create?

Probably an influential leader of the species, willing to cast doubt on the invaders’ very existence, let alone its danger to hosts. Like a Remora convincing a shark that it’s not siphoning its food and hitching a ride on its pectoral fins.

Fortunately, there’s a vaccine for both growths, delivered through hypodermics and elections.

And we’ve delivered both. Now we’re just waiting for the invaders to stop struggling and die off.