To the surprise of absolutely no one, Donald Trump is being petulant in defeat. Who’d a thunk?!? But come on: If he graciously accepted loss and showed his conqueror the palace, wouldn’t you suspect something?

And the CornMush-In-Chief may still land a legal haymaker and steal the will of the people. There can be no argument: The man knows the art of the steal.

But should he find himself on the asphalt of Black Lives Matter Plaza Northwest in DC on January 21, 2021, he and historians looking for reasons can look for one: The time a bully picked the wrong kid to shove.

That kid was COVID-19, and it cost Donald Trump the election.

The president, a germaphobe who routinely shuns handshakes, made a profoundly cowardly move when he learned of the virus in February. Like the draft, he ducked and ran. Unlike the draft, money doesn’t get you out of a date with COVID.

Even then, the president played make-believe matador, taunting that he had taken its punch, found himself to be a superman, and urging mortals not to let it dominate their lives. Remember the great unmasking atop White House stairs? Sure, you could see he was still sucking wind from the gut punch, but it made great theater.

But when when he invited the virus to step outside the bar, the president learned why you don’t pull the mask off that ol’ Lone Ranger. Consider how COVID mopped the floor with Trump:

• It may have literally killed off a portion of his base.

Consider his super-spreader events, on White House grounds and in stadiums nationwide. COVID’s death count is around a quarter-million. Statistically, at least half of those deaths include Republicans, presumably Trump Republicans. Perhaps much more than half.

• COVID was the election issue.

Trump would even muse aloud that his re-election was in the bag before the “kung flu.” And his disdain for his own CDC left voters — particularly in the decimated MidWest — without consistent medical information. That’s as unsettling as pre-existing conditions.

• COVID is still Trump’s problem.

That Biden came out with a COVID plan the Monday after the race was called not only made Joe look presidential; it made Trump look impotent. If Pfizer’s claim is true, Biden could walk into the best circumstantial political timing since the Iranian hostages were released minutes after Reagan was sworn in.

This isn’t to say that Trump, a political Houdini, couldn’t pull another escape while hanging upside down in a straight jacket. The man puts the easel in weasel. It’s an art form for the guy.

But as Fox Mulder liked to point out, the truth is out there. We know the popular vote, and its expanding gap. We have seen the beauty of democracy, and exercised it.

Meanwhile, COVID, the last undecided voter in America, decided where it stands on political symbolism. And you don’t spit into the wind.