Monthly Archives: October 2020

Siamese Dream

NATIONAL SIAMESE CAT DAY - April 6, 2020 | National Today

“A rare, two headed snake was discovered in Florida today when a cat dragged it into a Palm Beach home. Said the homeowner: Gah! Get that cat outta here!” — Seth Meyers

Dos, the two-headed snake

This site occasionally teases that dogs are better than cats, usually because of jokes like the one Myers told last night.

It’s just too easy. If a meteor unleashed a virus that ballooned domestic pets to the size of Buicks, goldfish would hog pools, hamsters would consume couches, and cats would shred us like mama grizzlies. With dogs, your biggest threat would be slobber drownings. That and concern that dogs hump only your leg.

But in all honesty, as I begin to brush the cobwebs from my windshield to start looking toward a new companion, I wish adopting a cat were an option. Because one of the coolest I ever met has befriended me.

Alas, I can’t own a feline because of the transplant. The immunocompromised and pregnant are strongly discouraged from cat ownership because of the lethal risk of toxoplasmosis, a nasty organism that lives only in cat feces.

That’s a shame, because the truth is, when a cat loves you the way a dog does, it can be more of a dopamine rush.

I realized this after meeting a diminutive Siamese with what feels like a broken tail. She’s a tiny thing, as light as a sparrow. But she isn’t shy about being pet, and will drive her head forcibly into your hand to commence her massage. It’s wonderful.

Esme loved being pet, too. She would hop on the couch (when her legs worked), and sprawl against your side, exposing a pink, bulbous belly that demanded attention.

Esme | The HollywoodBowles - Page 4

It was unfailingly, unfathomably adorable. But it came with a price: She farted like a diesel truck engine, and her many bumps and warts made her look like an upended frog. The Siamese, on the other hand, is all petting pleasure, without the silent-but-deadlies.

And cats just feel better. Like a stuffed animal coming to life to huddle with you, but with a warmer, softer coat. The sound of a content cat purring is like hearing a perfectly-tuned violin.

I’m sure I will still joke about the evolutionary differences between wolf and mountain lion progeny. And the fact remains: Feline fanatics will boast about their cats being dog-like; canine connoisseurs don’t brag about their dogs being cat-like.

And I remain a dog guy. Through the windshield, I’m beginning to make out the prospects of a new live-in: tiny roommates; gigantic ones; siblings; duos, entire families.

But the truth about cats and dogs is this: They’re best when they’re a little bit of both.

The Voting Empowerment Act

5 Ways to Defend Voting Rights this Election - Unitarian Universalist Service Committee

To: House Speaker Nancy Pelosi

From: The HollywoodBowles

Dear Speaker Pelosi,

First, an admission. I freelanced for another. I wrote a column Friday calling for the Quarter-Million Campaign, but sent it to the Lincoln Project instead. They just do commercials better. I stand by my decision.

But as an olive branch, I’d like to offer you something better. It’s called The Voting Empowerment Act, and I think it would serve your party well and, more importantly, the people.

Is voting a right or a privilege? (2 letters)

What’s great about the VEA is that it works regardless of next week’s election. In fact, it may even work more effectively in the case of defeat, but let’s not get ahead of ourselves.

The VEA is simple. It would mandate that every county in America establish a minimum of TWO polling places. You could get downright aspirational in higher goals: a 10% increase in every county; a low-income mandate; county-wide voter initiatives, etc. But a seismic first step, as you know, would be requiring just two polling places per county.

Live Updates: We're Tracking The Vote And Voting Problems | FiveThirtyEight

There are really no need for statistics for the passage of this act, which I think is part of its beauty. All you need do is tell voters: “We all saw the horrific lines our citizens had to endure, just to be heard. In the middle of a pandemic, no less. It’s time we follow the Founders’ spirit of law, not just the letter of it.”

Long lines at Baltimore voting centers as many opt to cast ballots in person - Baltimore Sun

As I said, the VEA works regardless of election outcome. If Democrats were to take power, what better first step, what better administrative introduction than to put power in the hands of the public? They largely align with your views anyway.

Should you lose, the VEA makes a great sword upon which to fall. You could propose the bill, whisk it through the House, and allow the GOP to suffocate it in a public execution. Just watch what happens should they choke out the Affordable Healthcare Act.

Don’t do it for the Party. Do it for the Republic.

I know it’s a lot to ask, bringing sanity to D.C, particularly now. And putting power in our hands may be fool’s folly. God knows we actBut hell, die nobly for a cause if you can’t live humbly for one, right Madame Speaker?

The HollywoodBowles

ps: Can you believe Giuliani dropped his drawers for Borat?!?

Deja Viewed: There Will Be Blood

There Will Be Blood | Jerusalem Cinematheque – Israel Film Archive

There Will Be Blood is ostensibly about real-life California oil tycoon Edward L. Doheny, and even includes the now-famous “I drink your milkshake!” quote, attributed to Doheny during Congressional investigations of the industry.

But on Deja-View, it sure seems like Blood director Paul Thomas Anderson is actually paying homage to Stanley Kubrick, particularly 2001: A Space Odyssey.

And if you really want to go Kubrickian, one could argue that Blood itself is a prequel to 2001. After all, 2001 documents the dawn of mankind. There Will Be Blood documents the dawn of American capitalism.

But we’ll get back to that. As for the first few minutes of Blood, it seems inarguable now that Thomas was paying homage to the 1968 movie:

  • Both movies begin in utter darkness to a rising musical score. 2001‘s intro is an extended blackout as Also Spake Zarathustra swells. Blood percolates to Radiohead’s Jonny Greenwood’s original score.
  • Both first scenes are of desert mountains.
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  • Both have a “Moon Watcher” scene, as the huddled characters gaze into uncertain skies.
  • Both have pivotal scenes of clubbing.
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And it’s the clubbing scene that suggests the larger, loopier theme (of course, this is 2001, so what is loopy). Throughout Blood, we watch Plainview (played by the inimitable Daniel Day-Lewis) as he graduates from gold to oil as he perfects his weapon of choice.

The film, which uses its characters as avatars of American corruption, also tracks the corrosive effect capitalism has on religion (here embodied by Paul Dano). As both men find themselves growing in wealth and power, they also find themselves inevitably and inextricably at odds.

The frenetic finale even works as a handoff to the beginning of 2001. As Plainview sits over his opponent and offers the apocalyptic final line, “I’m finished!” viewers are left with their own metaphorical riddle: What happens when business and religion are in a war to the death?

Anyone’s guess, but it’s reasonable to expect a great leap forward — or back.