Dear Oscar: Never Mind


I hate to break it to the Academy and the studios that support it, but there’s no need for a Best Picture race for 2017.

It arrived last week, courtesy of the BBC and North Korea, which are like perpetual leads in a meet-cute romantic comedy. Internet dullards have dubbed it “Children Interrupt BBC News Interview,” but it’s real title should be The Buffering.

It’s got great acting, like when professor Robert E. Kelly’s 3-year-old daughter monster-steps her way into the room like the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man from Ghostbusters.

And it’s got action. Kelly’s six-month-old son comes hurtling into the room so fast his head is craning from the g-forces. That’s real infant peril, people. And it makes you wonder whether a friend, perhaps tipsy on wine, talked mom into giving the toddler an intentional shove into the office of Mr. Too-Important-To-Wash-The-Dishes.

And her Kramer impression, from room entry to exit, has gotta be worth at least an Oscar, if not Emmy. At least a People’s Choice.

Most importantly, Buffering works as do all Oscar-worthy films: on multiple levels. It may be the first time the camera has ever captured an example of human buffering.

We’ve all experienced electronic buffering; allowing for technology to catch up with the real world. Some of us wait minutes for a resumption of service, some nanoseconds.

Here, though, we get to see a man freeze his entire life until the chaos around him settles. Kelly has taken a lot of grief for not helping his wife round up the little Diapers of Disaster. And I have to admit, I did love his immediate instinct: to cover his daughter’s face, as if it would block everyone’s vision. Still, you gotta admit: that man has a helluva poker face.

And Oscar need not worry about its sagging ratings with this pick. Imagine the viewership just to see what these mini-monsters would do with a mic and a podium.


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