Category Archives: The Evidentialism Files

O’ Brother, There Art Thou

Halcyon (An Ode to Samuel)

Tell me where the spirit flees
When life has made the choice
To bring the body to its knees
And let the soul rejoice.

Answer.

Here these are the olden days
Here these are the golden days
Here these are the days to remember.

For yesterday’s gone
And tomorrow’s a song
Today is the only glowing  ember.

 

O’ Brother mine! dearest Samuel,

T W E N T Y! Can you fucking believe it? Dude, we may be approaching a record: I looked up double transplants, trying to find the longest living double-organ team, but the records are sketchy. Mayo Clinic is still searching; no word back. I found a case online, in a Dutch medical journal, that said one kidney-pancreas transplant team made it 16 years.

Scrubs.

I still can’t wrap my head around it:  We’ve been wed two decades! Guess what movie came out 20 years ago? O’ Brother, Where Art Thou?. So did Memento (one of my favorites), Cast Away, Almost Famous and High Fidelity. The hottest shows in television were The Sopranos, Curb Your Enthusiasm and Frasier. Music sucked (Britney Spears’ Ooops…I Did It Again was all the rage), but we were too busy recuperating  to listen to that shit anyway.Image result for O Brother, Where Art Thou? imdb

Speaking of recuperating, before I begin this unabashedly schmaltzy love letter, an apology.

I’m sorry I nearly annulled this marriage two days in. It’s just my body wasn’t used to being so close to someone, and I guess I tried to wriggle loose; the band with which Dr. Sutherland bonded us briefly schism-ed at the suture. But with some quick counseling, we were back together. And haven’t had a real fight in 20 years. Cite me another couple with such cohesion.

And I can tell you this, without hesitation or qualification: In 20 years, I have never betrayed you. Not once.

That medicinal fidelity wasn’t always the case. Ask Mom. I sucked at taking meds when I was diabetic.  I’d miss injections, eat like crap, soar over or crawl beneath my assigned sugar levels. Of course, my failures led to us meeting; sorry, I can’t help but see the past through glasses hued rose since we met. It’s one of the things I love about you.

Now, I take our meds as religiously as pastors take confession. Probably, certainly, more. Ask Mom. I haven’t missed an unhospitalized pill or eye drop in 20 years. That’s 7,300 days of meds, administered 14,600 times, totaling more than 150,000 pills. And that’s a conservative estimate. All that, and not one rejection episode yet.

It may still come. But if you had told me in January 2000 that I’d get 20 years of perfect blood sugars, 20 years of no self-injections, 20 years of not having diabetes nibble off fingers, toes, perhaps feet, I would have not only said ‘Hell yeah!’ I would not have believed the offer.

I know your perspective is vastly different. I am sorry and so torn about that, Sam. The decision your mom Valerie made — despite reservations from your father — remains the bravest act of human love I’ve ever witnessed. To weigh that Decision, have that Talk, all while bracing for the Goodbye. She is as cool under pressure as any nerve-steeled Apollo pilot, and I carry her boy as I would a newborn, swaddled and close to my heart, hoping some of that Flegel bravery will wear off on me. In me.

I told Spencer that we were approaching 20 years. He said he would have guessed it had been longer. I would have guessed it had been shorter. Like, 19 years and six months shorter. Time does flatten a man.

But not you. Over the years, you have grown mythical in my eyes. Once you were a 21-year-old kid from Fargo, 14 years my junior. Now you have risen to deity-level. I now see a truly noble soul, angel pure, who loved dogs, waved “Hi” for family pictures (who else is that sincere in happiness?), and overcame educational hurdles to become an engineer at Red River Valley and Western Railroad. You are Paul Bunyan. And i get to soldier forward arm-in-arm with you? Who should be so blessed to be your wing man!

Here’s what I love about you, O’ Brother mine:

You make me feel strong. Whenever I see stories of what passes for bravery nowadays, particularly in our halls of law, I think of you. And I’ll say to ourself, ‘That’s great. Ever laid on a gurney, split open from the belly button downward, for eight straight hours — on a gamble?” You are my definition of strength, and I draw from you for it constantly.

You make me feel wise. Knowing how precariously you and I cling together has altered my definition of…well, everything. Time. Life. Death. Illness. Health. Deadlines. Pressures. You have taught me when to let go (though I often fail). To be content when I’m a bug in amber. To, in truth, see the time-strangling beauty of those moments. You are my definition of wisdom, and I need your counsel daily.

You make me feel loved. In every step of this journey, I have never felt alone. You probably figured out early that I tend to get introverted; I still have danced publicly only once in my life (not everyone is as brave as you). But fleeting is the moment when I feel isolated. You are my definition of love, and I look to you every time I need a heart or shoulder.

You know what’s creepy? A doctor  predicted all this, five years before I was born: that I would meet a soul named Sam; that he would open my eyes to the beauty of life’s fleeting ways; that I would take him profoundly into myself.

The doctor? Theodore Seuss Geisel. Fucking Dr. Seuss!

Surely, you know the story of Green Eggs and Ham. Or at least the refrain: “I do not like green eggs and ham. I do not like them, Sam-I-Am.Green Eggs and Ham.jpg

But read a’ might closer, and you’d swear there was a serendipitous through-line here about us. The story goes like this: Sam-I-Am pesters his friend, Guy-Am-I (!) to eat a dish of green eggs and ham. Guy refuses, even as Sam persistently follows him, asking to eat them in eight locations (house, box, car, tree, train, dark, rain, boat) and with three animals (mouse, fox, goat). Guy still refuses, saying, “I wouldn’t not like them here (Current location) or there (Previous location)! I would not like them anywhere!” Finally, Guy vainly accepts Sam’s offer and samples the green eggs and ham, happily announcing he would eat them anywhere and with anyone and ends the story, saying, “I do so like green eggs and ham. Thank you. Thank you, Sam-I-Am.

Damn straight, Dr. Ted. Sam, I am.

Those tools in the jewelry business say that a 20-year-anniversary is to be recognized with platinum (a diamond is their recommended gift of 10 years!). I can’t afford their bullshit menu, but I did want to give you the only thing I really own: my word, located just beneath my left rib cage.

It says this: I am with you, to the end. I have your back, and you have mine.

Even that pledge is a pittance, I know, a lowball offer for what you have given me without asking for a thing in return.

So take my arm this time. I have taken yours so often. Rest here for a moment. Rejoice here. Because I have an idea…

You know, a marathon is 26.219 miles. Whaddaya say? We’ve only got 6.219 miles left. Up for more? Why stop now?

We got this, O’ Brother mine.

 

“Fall on me (if it’s there for long) (it’s gonna fall)”

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(To kick off 2020, the HB announces The Liminal Times, a media outlet that focuses on news that illuminates, not intimidates)

To watch news nowadays (which means to turn on your phone), you’d think we’d already set the microwave to “popcorn” when it comes to the globe. But the truth is, we are making real steps toward enlightenment regarding climate change (even if our Assassinater-in Chief refuses to acknowledge it’s getting stuffy in here). Image result for qassem soleimani

But witness what those with functioning frontal lobes have done on the climate front in the past decade alone:

WE’VE CUT OUR COAL USE

In 2010, 46% of the electricity generated in the United States came from coal. Now, that share has dropped to 25%. In 2020, coal is expected to only make up 22% of our electricity generation. Part of the reason why is the increase in renewable energy sources, and the fact that because wind and solar are so cheap now, coal and natural gas can’t really compete. Another factor: how much more energy efficient we’ve become. Whether it’s our light bulbs or washing machines or computers or entire buildings, we’re using less electricity to power all of our things. According to new data from the Resources Defense Counsel, every 1% growth in our economy used to require a 1% growth in electricity. That’s no longer true; in some cities, a 1% economic growth is actually reducing how much electricity people need.Image result for coal global warming

WE’VE GOTTEN RID OF OZONE-DEPLETING CHEMICALS

The Montreal Protocol, ratified in 1987, committed the world’s governments to a phase out of ozone-depleting chemicals like chlorofluorocarbons, or CFCs. That phase out was completed in 2010. Along with helping restore the ozone layer, that action allowed us to avoid 1 degree of warming because CFCs are more powerful greenhouse gases than CO2 (though they were never as abundant as emission CO2 is). The RDC data suggests that 1 degree slowed warming by a decade. Related image

EMISSION STANDARDS HELPED ELIMINATE MORE THAN 400 MILLION TONS OF CO2

The Trump administration is moving to roll back emissions standards for the transportation industry, but that won’t change the fact that those standards have already eliminated more than 400 million tons of CO2 in this decade alone, according to the RDC. And electric car sales continue to surge: About 775,000 electric cars were sold in 2016. The next year, (the most recent data available), that number rose to 1.22 million, a 57% spike.Image result for electric cars

BIG BUSINESSES ARE STARTING TO GET ON BOARD

Climate activism may still seem a grassroots affair, and it’ is. But seismic change relies on global corporations to cooperate — and they have. This decade saw Google buy as much renewable energy as it uses globally. Apple made the first-ever purchase of carbon-free aluminum, and more than 700 major corporations, from McDonald’s to Microsoft, have committed to cutting emissions. And already, they’ve made verified cuts of 265 million metric tons of emissions to keep companies in line with the commitments of the Paris Agreement, despite Trump’s withdrawal. Because 100 companies are responsible for 71% of the global emissions since 1988, altered  behavior by large corporations will also be an outsized part of fixing the crisis.Image result for mcdonald's climate change

WE ARE AWARE, AND WE CARE

Climate change has been understood for decades by scientists and policy makers, but it wasn’t until the 2010s that the majority of the public accepted it as fact. A new study by the Yale Program on Climate Change Communication found that 71% believe global warming is happening. About 47% said they were “very” or “extremely” sure of it, while only 13% believe it is not happening. Image result for greta thunberg

Our president and his death cult are among the non-believers, but don’t surrender hope. Who know? Maybe Donnie Dimwit will watch another solar eclipse, blind himself and live unaware of the bills he signs. He sort of does, anyway. Image result for trump looks at eclipse

How Much Is That Doggie in the Driver’s Seat?

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If the author of Evidentialism: An Atheist Guide to Faith ever gets off his ass and makes it an official book, there will be a chapter on recognizing HeavenNow moments.

HeavenNow moments are a lot like Halcyon Days (another chapter in the book, I swear). Whereas the Halcyon Days theorem posits that today is the halcyon day, that this is the halcyon day, the HeavenNow theorem makes the same assertion, just fractionally. Evidentialism acknowledges it’s a difficult state of mind to achieve. Consider HeavenNow moments a baby step towards Halcyon Days.

HN moments are easy to spot. You know you are in a HeavenNow moment if, given all options imaginable, you could not create a greater scenario in heaven. And if that’s the case, burn it in your mind. Even momentarily. You’re in heaven! Now, no less! Simply recognizing it is the first step. Do it often enough and you’ll begin to remember them. This was my latest:

Driving to my overpriced grocery store, a non-descript gray sedan pulled alongside me this week. In the car are three women, perhaps in their mid-70’s, and three tiny, yipping, bouncing dogs caroming in the car like Superballs bazooka-ed in a prison cell. They’d have leapt from the car had the ladies not rolled the windows up, leaving just a tiny gap of tantalizing air for the coked-out canines.

When I saw the fracas to my left, I must have cast a wide grin, because the ladies pulled up flush with my car so I could see the entire commotion. The dogs were loving their smello-vision. The ladies were loving their dogs.

Except maybe the lady in the back seat. She sat stoically as the rest of the car lost its collective mind. She looked like Miss Daisy at a monkey house. Maybe she was trying to bring some air of dignity  to the scene. But the dogs just exploited her imperturbable body , using her rigid frame as a diving board.

One landed in the passenger seat. Or rather, was plucked by the passenger, who caught the Corgi (?) midair and brought it into her lap. She then lifted the dog, decked in a red Christmas sweater and no longer looking playful. The woman grabbed a paw and waved hi to me. The woman was grinning broadly, though her pup suddenly looked like it was in a hostage video. Muffy clearly wanted no part of this.

I didn’t know what else to do, so I waved back, though I’m not sure to whom. I guess it didn’t matter. Goddamn, I’m going to miss this place. And its HeavenNow moments. Below are some HeavenNow sitings posted online across the globe.

Perhaps that’s why our pets ignite so many of them. Deep down, we know they have a choice in the matter.