A buddy noted with some surprise recently that I use emoticons, and I’ll admit: I’m a fan of the fad.
But see, here’s the thing. Emoticons aren’t a fad, or even anything new. Journalists have been using them for decades.
Of course, we had fewer to employ back then, when language was a more delicate endeavor. But instead of writing, say, “shit,” a reporter would write “$#!t.”
It was a brilliant concept by Mort Walker, the cartoonist behind Beetle Bailey. In 1964, he coined a term for using symbols instead of swearing: a “grawlix.”
Now, thanks to basic cable, there’s virtually no need for grawlixes. There are but three verboten words remaining in the English language: the n-word; the c-word; and the other f-word. And no one is going to make emoticons for them, so hopefully their expiration dates are nigh.
For now, though, we have an amazing assortment of images from which to choose: You can project symbols from an engagement ring to broken heart to the peace symbol. There’s one that sure does look like a well-coifed coil of manure.
You can dress as everything from cop to theater mayfly. There is even a middle-finger (with flesh-colored options, so you can say ‘fuck you’ with that personal touch).
It is too much, of course. We cannot help but equate possessing amounts with having more.
But it really is that rare technological step, to speak in terms that would be universal in almost any language. Much like the one mankind shared until, word has it, the almighty broke the Tower of Babel into a million shards of tongue.
So it enjoys a revival here. And let’s face it: Sometime it’s better to send a symbol when you really don’t feel like writing — particularly when your response it will likely wind up grammatically and alphabetically butchered. And when that happens, your up the creek without you’re paddle.
But I beseech one tweak, to be formerly entered into the Book of (Steve) Jobs: a ‘fingers-crossed’ emoticons. There are many variations on finger dexterity: Fingers that point, clap, cup ears, probably picks noses.
But none, besides having to get all prayerful: 
None for “Good Luck.”
What the fuck?
Oh yeah, we need one for that, too.
