Category Archives: Muddled Musings

What’s In YOUR Wallet?

Kungälv Image result for funny homeless pics

I have a long and colorful history with the homeless population of any big city I inhabit. There was the woman who hawked a loogie on my apartment front door because she didn’t believe I had no spare change (I really didn’t). There was the guy who broke down crying (leading me to do the same) in front of a 7-Eleven when I gave him $20 on Christmas Day, my unofficial annual tradition. There was the man who routinely coaxed me out of my change in D.C. simply with an ingenious shtick: He called himself “Blelvis the black Elvis,” and could sing any Elvis tune you asked him. How could you not reward that cleverness? Image result for black elvis

Then there was the event several years ago that cemented my decision to acknowledge the homeless: I had to walk home from a motorcycle repair shop and, not wanting to haul a helmet and heavy jacket, dropped them into an abandoned shopping cart and hoofed it home. I was astounded by how many people would not make eye contact (some even walked on lawns to avoid being on a sidewalk with me), lest they be asked for money. I realized then how we dehumanize that population like human flotsam.

But every once in a while, I come across someone who only reinforces the disdain many people have for them. Like the obnoxious guy in Westwood who would shake his coin cup about an inch from your passing ear to ask for change (how I wanted to slap that cup in the air). And Loogie Lucy was never going to be mistaken for Miss Congeniality. Image result for miss congeniality

Add to those ranks Capital One Man, who I encountered today.

I was heading home from a doctor’s visit, and stopped at 7-Eleven for my first caffeine of the day. I had a pounding headache from the medical procedure, and the relentless sun made it impossible for me to make eye contact.

But I heard him fine.

“Got any spare change?” he asked. “I need bus fare.”

I couldn’t look him in the eye, couldn’t even make out his face in the orange haze. But I was determined to acknowledge him. “Sorry,” I said. “I only have plastic (that, too, was true).”

He paused a moment, then said, “Cash back?”

I was so thrown off by the response I broke into laughter. Clearly, the guy had been told this before, and had a ready response. Because you can get cash back with an ATM purchase at a 7-Eleven. But the maximum is $10, usually dispensed in a single bill or two $5 bills. Was he expecting a Lincoln or Hamilton? Image result for $5 and $10 bills

I’ll never know, because he was gone when I exited the store. And I felt bad for laughing at the guy. I know homelessness is no joking matter.

But come on: If you’re that clever, you could at least belt out a couple lines of Love Me Tender.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GSvKkMs2ieo

All the President’s Molesters

‘I have 28 girls coming. … Donald, this is supposed to be a party with VIPs. You’re telling me it’s you and Epstein?’ — George Houraney, a Florida-based businessman, to Trump back in 1992 about an event he had organized at the future president’s request, according to the New York Times.

The exclusive “calendar girl” party at Trump’s Mar-a-Lago resort, which he’d purchased seven years earlier, was apparently even more exclusive than Houraney had expected when he put it together — Jeffrey Epstein, Trump and the women. That’s it.

“I said, ‘Look, Donald, I know Jeff really well, [and] I can’t have him going after younger girls,’” the party planner recalled. “He said, ‘Look I’m putting my name on this. I wouldn’t put my name on it and have a scandal.’ ”

After the party, Trump spoke with New York Magazine. “I’ve known Jeff for 15 years. Terrific guy,” Trump said. “He’s a lot of fun to be with. It is even said that he likes beautiful women as much as I do, and many of them are on the younger side.”

‘Nuff said about President Pederast. At least until we pivot from ‘alleged victims’ to ‘alleged rapist.’ Instead, let’s find closure in something far less sleazy, Factslaps:

Thomas Jefferson believed the Constitution should expire every 19 years and be replaced with a new one more suitable for the current generation.
A grizzly bear has to eat almost 20,000 calories a day.
The U.S. joined Syria and Nicaragua as the only nations that aren’t part of the Paris agreement to limit carbon emissions.
Pluto never made a full revolution around the sun while it was still considered a planet.

There are only 3 countries in the world that don’t offer paid maternity leave:Suriname, Papua New Guinea and the United States.
An Octopus doesn’t have 8 arms, but 6 arms and 2 legs.

The last war chief of the Crow Tribe captured 50 horses from the Germans in World War II.
Cockroaches can make group decisions. When 50 cockroaches are presented with 3 shelters that can only house 40, they’ll split evenly into two groups and leave one shelter empty.
The Eiffel Tower was built for the 1889 Paris Exposition and was not intended to be permanent.
The U.S. spends $500 million annually on military marching bands. That’s more than Ethiopia’s total military expenditure in 2015.
More than $80 of every $100 of wealth created in 2017 went to the richest 1%.