Category Archives: Muddled Musings

A Conspiracy Worth Hatching

The Unidentified Stationary Object

neurontin overnight delivery I want to report a monolith.

Aurogra sale no prescription It appeared in my office, just a few inches from my laptop — the very laptop from which I write this column!

A couple days ago, I noticed the monolith appeared to have moved: at least a couple inches to the right, I’d estimate. As if it were moving away from the globe. There was no sign of disturbance on my desk, and J.D. Barkinger is not yet here, so she could not have erected or moved it.

Ok, ok, I admit it. Your questions are just too incisive.

I made it up. I put the monolith closer to my laptop. The subterfuge was even caught on camera, most likely an Instagrammer or FaceBooker. Damn you, social media!

In the upper right corner: Signs of foul play

You don’t understand. I just wanted to be like the cool kids in Utah, who found a monolith. Or the ones in Romania, who also found a metal obelisk. A few days after that, a THIRD monolith was discovered in Atascadero, Calif.

The Utah monolith
Second monolith mysteriously appears in Romania—one day after another vanishes from the Utah desert | The Art Newspaper
The Romanian monolith
Third Monolith Appears in California, Days After Similar Structures Disappear in Utah and Romania
The California monolith

And I stand by the hoax. Look at the wonderful mystery surrounding the monoliths. Where did they come from? Who built them? Who brought them down? Are aliens trying to tell us to quit touching our faces?

Not only do I stand by the prank, I promise you this: I’m going to pull more of them. After all, what is the harm in this conspiracy theory?

We’ve seen how the belief in other conspiracy theories can corrode. The elections were rigged. COVID is a hoax. The earth is flat. Science is an ideology.

Enough. Time for a conspiracy theory that has us looking at possibilities, not peril.

In fact, start your own monolith conspiracy. Stack a few rocks in front of your mailbox. Stick a branch in the ground and place a penny at its altar. Make a passerby think: What is that? Make a passing dog think: That would look good with urine on it.

Rockhenge, in Lake Balboa, Calif.

And if it is aliens: Hi! We’ll take you to our leader. Just give us a few weeks.

The Real Transfer of Power

Leadership & Continuity: The Peaceful Transition of Power | Eidson & Partners

There are two types of American president: the person you’d like to be; and the person you probably are.

Barack Obama was a president we’d like to be: young, eloquent, quick with a smile. Donald Trump was the president we probably are: aging, weight issues, quick to temper.

Physical and philosophical idiosyncrasies aside, the pattern tends to track historically, too. We wanted to be like Lincoln. We wanted to be like Kennedy. We wanted to be like Reagan.

The person we’d like to be.

Conversely, we probably were like Nixon. We probably were like George W. We thought we wanted to be like Clinton, but bitterly discovered that we probably already were.

The person we probably are.

It’s no mean feat, turning what you are into what you’d like to be. It’s easier to bitch about a problem than confront it. Victimization is a breeze. Aspiration is a bitch. Which is why the “transfer of power” is moving in fits and starts. It’s actually a transfer of mindsets.

And we’ve committed to change, like a New Year’s resolution to adopt a dog or join the armed services. In this case, commitment was in the form of 80 million-plus eviction notices for Trump. And like any deadbeat tenant, he and his roommates will trash the place before leaving.

That’s because Trump still represents 74 million-plus Americans who don’t feel like aspiration. Who knows? Donald Trump may have been the person they wanted to be.

And make no mistake: The reason Trump and his toadies are dragging their feet on change is because the people they represent are just as cold to it. Perhaps more so.

Regardless, the commitment to Biden is a tacit commitment to work: on COVID; on climate; on gender and race relations. All with a Senate that has a vested interest in proving to Americans the system is broken, rotted and irreparable.

And, regardless of party, is Biden not the type of grandparent we want to be? Active, still quick, forgiving, gentle. Don’t we want to be the genteel grandpa instead of the grimacing one?

5 Ways Biden Will Affect Your Finances As President – Forbes Advisor

But that’s the cost of transfer: sweat equity.

There are plenty of signs that 2021 is going to be a terrific year. Proud Boys and QAnon are out. A COVID vaccine and the word of science are in. Dreamer immigrants have a reason to dream again. American government looks more like America again.

It’s enough to make a body hopeful.

And who wouldn’t want to be that?