Author Archives: Scott Bowles

Love in the Time of Corona

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Welcome, ye converts!

We knew we were onto something with Evidentialism. But we never expected such a widespread conversion. No worries; we can accommodate you all, though it’s clearly a limited-time offer.

For here we are, called to collective Mass by Circumstance. Our heads are bowed, our hands are clasped. Of course, we have a lot of time for solemn reflection lately; we can’t go to most public gatherings, schools are closing, sports are canceled. What’s a body to do besides pray for a body?

Yet those heads are bowed not for a higher power to smite an enemy, not a savior to bring forth justice with great vengeance and furious anger.

No, we’re praying to science.

Look at the way we changed our everyday lives when science told us of an imminent, existential threat. We now elbow-bump. We wear medical masks to the grocery stores. We have suspended human interaction until further notice.Image result for elbow bump

The urge here is great to make this column one long endorsement of Evidentialism, the faith that posits that science is a faith. It’s tempting to point out that folks aren’t flocking to their houses of worship (haven’t you heard? Pope’s taking confession on Instagram.). Normally, I’d point out that, suddenly, we’re not hearing from anti-vaxers clamoring to get to the bottom of the list. I might even take a shot at friends much smarter than I who dismiss the science-as-faith concept out of hand; if that praying for a cure you’re doing isn’t an act of faith, I might ask, what is?Image result for pope on video

But I’m not going to do that.

The larger precept here is much simpler; COVID-19 underscores the dangerous habit of acting without evidence. The American political system has made a cottage industry out of turning science into ideology. Corona smashed that to hell in  a week.

Whether it’s politics or religion or the weather, beware those who act without evidence. If anything, resist it. Yeah, it makes you an asshole. But it’s time we pucker up and give resistance to stupidity.

As Evidentialism loves to cite, we do it in our everyday lives anyway. Imagine: You live in a place that gets a real winter. You’re in day 3 of a winter storm that’s dumped 8 inches a day and dropped temperatures to sub-zero.Image result for snowstorm guy in t shirt

Your brother walks into the living room, icicles dangling from his nose and eyebrows, dressed in nothing but a t-shirt, jeans and sandals. “Man!” you’re brother proclaims. “I’m freezing!” After laughing your ass off at the dullard, you’d probably ask why he didn’t bother checking the forecast — or looking outdoors.

Yet on deeper issues — issues that shape the core of what makes you you — it’s impolite to ask whey they hold the opinion they do. It’s rude, we’re told. It’s intrusive. People are free to think what they want.

Exactly. So why not find out where they’re coming from?

It’s time to push back against the hunch. Our president — the one who in 2017 dissolved the National Security Council Directorate for Global Health Security and Bio Defense (the government’s pandemic team) — has a “hunch” COVID-19 will “magically” evaporate with the warming spring air. Get back to staring at the sun, Cadet Bone Spurs. COVID doesn’t give a shit about stock markets, border walls, party affiliations or wealth. This is science, bitch. There are no cuts in line.Image result for trump stares at sun

Assuming this does not wipe out the human race (and we’re making no assumptions), we will likely forget how we once prayed to science. That, as usual, will be due to science saving the day to allow us to worship whatever coconuts we hold sacred. That’s the other wondrous thing about science: It’s a faith that doesn’t seek glory, but equilibrium. Just pray we’re not too late in seeing its beauty.

 

Netflix’s ‘Confidential’ Doldrums

(AP)

Netflix must be pretty depressed about the Oscars. After two high-profile, big-budget attempts at a Best Picture Academy Award, Netflix apparently decided to flush its money down the toilet in a petulant rage.

Time was, Netflix put out a healthy dose of dramatic gems, from The Irishman to Roma to The Two Popes to Wedding Story, all of which got Oscar’s attention, if not gold.Image result for roma

In response, we’ve been gift-wrapped turds for 2020 like The Last Thing He Wanted (which was probably this movie. The latest is Spenser Confidential, another film with a big star and a tiny punch. While it’s less fecal-dipped than Ben Affleck’s Wanted, it’s hardly a coil above. Hopefully, the streaming service is jettisoning excess gas before landing this coming award season.

It’s back to Boston for Mark Wahlberg in Spenser, so you know what that inevitably means, right?

There’s eventually going to have to be a fight with dirty cops in an Irish bar — sorry, it’s pronounced “bah” — while the Red Sox are playing on TV. Those are the rules.

Sure enough, the bar brawl arrives 30 minutes into this meandering film that tries to piggyback on the good will created by novelist Robert B. Parker’s wisecracking boxer-turned-private eye Spenser, played on TV by Robert Urich.Image result for spenser robert urich

Spenser Confidential  is a bit of a mess tonally with a plot that keeps attracting new weird layers, like lint on a sweater. It wants to be funnier than it is. It hopes to be deeper than it is.

Wahlberg as Spenser is an ex-con and an ex-police officer who gets out of prison only to stumble into a conspiracy that includes crooked cops, Dominican street gangs armed with machetes and dirty business investors pursuing gentrification and gambling. How high does it go? “High up,” he learns.

If there’s a Spenser, there has to be his buddy Hawk, and this role is filled awkwardly by Winston Duke. He’s a fine actor but screenwriters Sean O’Keefe and Brian Helgeland haven’t really integrated him well, making Hawk into Spenser’s roommate, an oat milk drinking, MMA fighter who adores animals.Image result for spenser Winston Duke

This Spenser is such a good guy that even one of his enemies calls him a “choir boy.” Just ask his ex-girlfriend (Iliza Shlesinger), who has a love-hate relationship with him but admires his “strong moral code” even though she tells him: “You are incapable of real intimacy.” Contradicting herself sometime later, she screams “Go, Sox!” during sex with him, which is the most Boston thing to do.

Spenser was only sent to prison because he beat up his crooked police chief, who was, in turn, beating up his wife. He comes out of prison and immediately the chief is killed gruesomely. Spenser sticks his neck out to clear the name of a cop who has been framed for the murder. “Why are you doing this?” the widow asks Spenser. “Because it’s the right thing to do,” our good guy replies.

Like a stage musical that is propelled by its songs, this film moves thanks to its frequent violent outbursts. Director Peter Berg evenly spaces out the fight scenes so you can tell one is coming every 10 or 15 minutes. “Man, you get beat up a lot,” Hawk tells Spenser. (Everyone in this Boston seems to be a member of a boxing gym.)

In between the fights, Spenser Confidential reaches for film noir, like a Chinatown in Beantown (one character even has a toothpick sticking out of his mouth at all times). Sometimes it tries be a Dirty Harry movie or to ape the dark feel of Gone Baby Gone. Other times it tries to be a buddy comedy but with few actual laughs, unless you consider the line “Did you just kick me, bro?” funny.

Berg and Wahlberg have previously worked together on Lone Survivor, Patriots Day and Deepwater Horizon. Playing a renegade good guy is right up Wahlberg’s alley and to say he sleepwalks down that alley this time isn’t too harsh. On the positive side, some nifty acting turns are offered from Post Malone and Marc Maron.Image result for Lone Survivor, Patriots Day and Deepwater Horizon

But there are some head-scratching moments, including a man-versus-dog fight that serves no purpose and an attempt to reach for a sequel when the first one hasn’t been earned. And why does Spenser sometimes write down all his clues, pointlessly circling and underlining words on a notepad like “Why?”

It’s not even clear why the film is called Spenser Confidential. There’s nothing hush-hush about it except this: Everyone associated with the film might want to keep that to themselves.