Tag Archives: Trump

Call Me Covfefe

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I can’t stand the heat. I must confess.

I wrote the anonymous New York Times op-ed piece.

It wasn’t for the shitbird that is Donald Trump. It wasn’t for the raft of felony convictions among his political support beams. It wasn’t for that red tie that droops beneath his scrotum sac. Image result for trump really long tieIt wasn’t his tendency  to spit his dentures out when he tries to say “The United Schtates of Amirka.” It wasn’t for his 20 months of grammatical genocide; the guy is the Hitler syntax.

No, I felt compelled pen the note after John McCain died, and Pumpkinhead sent this tweet: “My deepest sympathies and respect go out to the family of Senator. Our hearts and prayers are with you!”


And apparently your tactlessness. Who includes an exclamation point in a sympathy note? That’s like a condolence card adorned with a cartoon duck. Sad.

Getting into the White House was a piece of cake; I hand-wrote on the back of a Post-It Note “Donald has the best words,” and waltzed past security.

To get into classified meetings, I needed a disguise of a “senior official.” Fortunately, Kellyanne Conway masks are a snap to make: Just picture a face smashed by another horse’s face (ever wonder why you’ve never seen a picture of them both together?).Image result for kellyanne conway horse Drop a couple of Mike Pence’s “lodestar” references to throw them off the trail (lodestar 1. Radom noun:A star that is used to guide the course of a ship, especially Polaris.)

And in less scurrilous news, Factslaps, comrade bitches

  • Benjamin Franklin invented a mechanical arm for reaching books on high shelves. Image result for benjamin franklin long arm
  • At least an hour of physical activity a day may be required to offset the harmful effects of sitting at a desk for 8 hours.
  • The Twister game was originally called Pretzel. Image result for twister game
  • A 2018 law in France allows citizens to make mistakes in good faith on documents without being punished.
  • The Matrix took five years to write. Image result for the matrix
  • It would cost about $140 a year if you ate ramen for every meal. Image result for ramen
  • U2 singer Bono’s stage name comes from the Latin term “Bono Vox” which means “Good Voice.” Image result for bono

 

Just Think It

Nike released its controversial ad featuring Colin Kaepernick as its spokesman today, despite his insistence on exercising his First Amendment rights.

Forget who is in it. Forget what it’s selling. Simply hear the message.

The folks at Nike, in a rare Economic Darwinian showdown with Trump and conservatives, have made a startling call: to risk offending customers. High-paying customers.

But there’s something shrewdly calculated in the strategy: The shoe giant has decided that a young, largely African-American consumer base will offset the loss of Trumpanzees, who consider as treasonous bastards whoever kneels for the National Anthem (a melodically awful tune by almost every aural measure, by the way. Why not America the Beautiful?).

And there’s no reason to think Nike is off the mark. Trump has the memory of a mayfly. And check viral videos of the hayseeds burning shoes. Those aren’t inexpensive, secular books you swiped from the public library, chumps. They’re overpriced shoes — that you already overpaid for. The guy below actually brags he set fire to $1,000 worth of footwear. Hey dumb ass: I’ve got used sweat socks you can have for $50 apiece, or two for $120.

And don’t forget what Game of Thrones keeps bugling: Winter is coming. You can only walk barefoot so long.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mreQsQrDF-A&t=19s

 

 

 

T’was the Witch of November Come Stealing

 

 

Brett Kavanaugh’s confirmation to the U.S. Supreme Court seems as certain as a Trump misspelling. Beneath a hurricane of political fuckery, he has sailed a relatively gentle wave to the highest court.

With a simple straight partisan vote, the Court will veer hard right. And when Ruth Bader Ginsberg kicks the bucket (she must be part granny cyborg), the Gang of Nine will completely lack a port bow. Image result for rbg working out

That’s terrible news for Roe v. Wade, whose tombstone is already being etched. Gay marriage must feel the ground tremble. And forget getting the Conservative Christian Citizenry (the KKK for the new millennium)  to bake cakes for people they don’t like.

But the CCC should be careful with its wish list.

In the 1930s, a conservative Supreme Court knocked down many of President Franklin D. Roosevelt’s New Deal programs aimed at hoisting the country out of the Depression. Statutes letting industries and unions set wages and prices, raising farm income and regulating the coal industry were declared unconstitutional, as was a New York minimum wage law. Image result for fdr's new deal

That helped fuel a 1936 FDR landslide that also gave Democrats 76 Senate and 334 House seats, Election Day majorities neither party has ever matched. The triumph paved the way for congressional control that Democrats didn’t relinquish until after World War II.

The same risks threaten liberal courts. Liberal decisions of the 1960s helped power Richard Nixon’s law-and-order rise to the White House in 1968. Rulings buttressing criminals’ rights, like the Miranda vs. Arizona decision requiring authorities to inform arrested people of their rights, provided potent ammunition for Nixon at a time of racial unrest and growing crime rates. Nixon’s “Southern Strategy” remains a firmament of GOP strategy. Image result for nixon racist

The 1973 Roe v. Wade case legalizing abortion has been backed by strong majorities of Americans but spurred the rise of the anti-abortion movement and helped galvanize political involvement by Christian conservatives. Both remain vital factors in American politics and a driving force for the GOP.

The disconnect between the court’s ideological leanings and voters’ preferences is a simple matter of timing. Unlike social tastes, Supreme Court nominees last a lifetime. And courts are slower than Hollywood at taking public cues.

So a nod to GOP strong arming. It’s made quite a splash.

But history moves in tides, not waves. Be careful what you ask for.