Tag Archives: Trump

Slick Mitch, the Hypocritical Homophobe

 

That’s it. I’m turning the car around.

I warned you: If you didn’t stop bickering and playing “he’s touching my side of the seat,” I’d call off the trip to Disney. But you persisted. So now it’s off.

Fucking brats.

Fear not. I don’t have kids. I do, however, have a television. And despite our pleas to government leaders to stop arguing over something as inconsequential as a pile of bricks, to bring an adult into the room, we watched as you continued to call each other names — until 800,000 people were forced to work for free or give up their jobs entirely.

But in truth, there is an adult in the room. He just refuses to come out of the closet.

His name is Addison Mitchell McConnell Jr., Kentucky’s senior Senator and the Senate Majority Leader. At least, that’s his job title.

In reality, he is persona non grata. As Donald Trump and Nancy Pelosi dominate headlines and news coverage, McConnell is conspicuously absent from media scrutiny. We keep hearing about the stalemate between Democrats and Republicans, yet nothing about the person who essentially serves as the father of Congress in its entirety. While he’s only a hick senator, McConnell somehow has the power to determine if House bills are even introduced to the Senate floor for debate (thanks a bunch, founding fathers).Image result for trump vs. pelosi

That puts the showdown squarely at his feet.

It’s easy (and plausible) to also lay it in front of Trump and Pelosi, who bicker like embittered spouses in a divorce. Yet both have at least attempted to open the government (even if their own agendas drive the attempt). Pelosi has sent two bills to reopen government and debate the wall later. Trump has offered temporary DACA relief for a permanent wall. However empty the offers, they are, at least, offers.

Sure, both are trying to sell the other bridges. But at least they’re feigning what the public (and a majority of Congressional representatives) desire: to give the U.S. government a jump start and revive critical government services.

McConnell isn’t even feigning. His rationale: The president will veto a House bill, so he refuses to bring it to the Senate for debate. That’s like a winless  football team scheduled to play an undefeated one. You’re going to lose anyway, so why even take the field?Image result for friday night lights holding hands

Any coach who proposed such a tactic would have their ass introduced to the door in nanoseconds. Yet McConnell skates unquestioned, even by colleagues who’d like groups like the TSA, Border Patrol and the Food and Drug Administration paid for services rendered. But the only thing McConnell seems capable of hearing is Trump’s zipper, which brings him immediately to his knees, mouth agape.Image result for shutdown let me work sign

How does the cowardice go unchecked? Even the president seems to want a way out, feeling the mounting public resentment of politicians continuing to collect paychecks while their minions remain in indentured servitude (Trump continues to be paid $400,000 a year, while the 579 in Congress still collect $174,000 annually). McConnell, by the way, still brings home a $193,400 paycheck.

That Trump and Pelosi want this argued — even if still ends in stalemate — is patently clear. That McConnell won’t even allow the debate is patently criminal — and an insult to every one of his colleagues.

We in the press need to identify all the culprits, beginning with Sen. jowls. And those in government need to stand up to a deadbeat dad.

Maybe someone could stick this video in one of his neck flaps. Just look what wondrous things can happen when an adult allows a kid to tackle a seemingly impossible task.

 

When the Buzz Saw Hits Bone

 

The media outlet Buzzfeed had to down a plateful of crow today, served up by none other than Robert Mueller.

The meal was unexpected for a couple of reasons. One, Buzzfeed is as much of a news outlet as Scientology is a religion. In fact, they share a similar modus operandi: Both try to attract followers for cash, not enlightenment.

Second, and more startlingly, was the waiter. Mueller tends to treat media reports like fresh turds. He avoids them like he’s walking barefoot.Image result for stern mueller

But his office couldn’t ignore Buzzfeed‘s “bombshell” story last night: Citing two anonymous sources, it said Mueller’s office suspected thug lawyer/fixer Michael Cohen had been ordered to lie to Congress by none other than the president.

In a rare rebuke, Mueller’s office issued an official repudiation. While it did not specifically name the errors in the story, special counsel spokesperson Peter Carr told BuzzFeed its “description of specific statements to the Special Counsel’s Office, and characterization of documents and testimony obtained by this office, regarding Michael Cohen’s congressional testimony are not accurate.”

As expected, Buzzfeed stood by its report, calling on Mueller’s office to be specific on the claimed inaccuracies. Even worse, Chris Cuomo, the news anchor at cable TV’s (usually) most unbiased 24/7 news outlet, offered this little editorial nugget, claiming Mueller’s office damaged the already-tarnished view of news media:

“Mueller didn’t do the media any favors tonight and he did do the president one,” Cuomo cawed. “This allows them to say, ‘You can’t believe it, you can’t believe what you read, you can’t believe what you hear, you can only believe us,’” Cuomo then added, ”‘Even the special counsel says that the media doesn’t get it right.’”

With all due respect to Cuomo, CNN and the kids at Buzzfeed: Go fuck yourselves.

To CNN: What’s your message here? That to call us out for inaccuracy is to be the enemy, on the wrong side of a firefight? Our job is to get it right. And when we don’t, or are accused of being wrong, our job is to back up our words with the facts we reported.

Mueller’s job isn’t to do anyone favors. Neither the media nor the president. His job is to get to the truth. Would we even believe his investigation if was doing anyone favors?

And it’s not like Mueller to capriciously refute a media report. For instance, his office said nothing last week when  The New York Times reported that the FBI had opened an investigation into whether Trump was acting as a Russian agent after his firing of James Comey. Was he doing the media a favor then and the president a disfavor? Clearly, his office speaks up when it finds something to be egregiously off.

To Buzzfeed: How can you seriously ask Mueller’s office to provide you with specific details of their claim when you quote unnamed sources? You’re not playing with a double edged sword here; you’re playing with a doubled edged sword with a razor blade handle. Why don’t you man-up behind your story first, and we’ll talk details.

A bit more about Buzzfeed: Here are a few headlines from your edition Saturday. “ Szekszárd 27 Cheap Products To Actually Organize All The Small Stuff/Everything is under $25!” And “ buy Pregabalin online overnight 12 People Who Posted On Social Media Without Giving A Single F (Featuring savage moms.)” And “ 34 Genius Products That Will Fix Your Small (But Annoying) Problems/Button extenders that will add an extra 1″ to my waistline? Where were you when I was suffering at Thanksgiving dinner?”

Understand: Every time Buzzfeed does a story on products for sale, it gets a cut of that sale. They admit it with this caveat before each glowing review of a product:  “We hope you love the products we recommend! Just so you know, BuzzFeed may collect a share of sales or other compensation from the links on this page. Oh, and FYI — prices are accurate and items in stock as of time of publication.”

Just because you admit you profit off of (invariably positive) “reviews” of merchandise doesn’t make your story valid. It just makes it an ad, dimwits.

And to Cuomo, whose catch phrase before each newscast is “Let’s get at it.” Ok, let’s.Image result for chris cuomo

Mueller taking a media report to task has the absolute opposite effect of emboldening the president. In fact, it undercuts Trump’s “fake news” mantra and gives credence to Mueller’s investigation (Trump inadvertently praised Mueller by citing the release to bash Buzzfeed‘s story). If Mueller is in no one’s camp — and willing to call a media report inaccurate — it’s tougher to call him biased, let alone a witch hunter.

This speaks to a larger issue: the public distrust of media. No outlet is as critical of the president as this one. We have no problem calling Trump out on everything from outright lies to uneducated misspellings (hamberders?).Image result for trump hamberders

But not at the cost of accuracy. The truth is the only currency we can carry.

And the truth is this: The president is onto something about us, though, predictably, he is ignorantly off-point. America isn’t riddled with fake news. But when outlets make a profit on trending stories and click-bait, it’s riddled with something much worse:

Non news.

 

 

 

Pride Goeth

 

Ask any parent of a newborn: There’s no reasoning with a fussy infant. You can either feed him, change him, or swaddle him in his comforting blanket. What you can’t do is cry louder than him to shut him up (though that would make for a great YouTube video).

Perhaps that’s the approach the House of Representatives should take when claiming their newly-won seats next month: Be the responsible parents in a nursery of crabby newborns.

Starting with the border wall. Give it to president petulant.

As much as it would pain Democrats — and delight Republicans and Trumpanzees — it’s time for the House to become the adults in the room. And loudly announce that approach.

The reason is simple math. The shutdown is not only winnowing our already-depleted confidence is public servants; it’s literally harming the people who simply want to do their jobs.

As of tomorrow, we will be one week into the shutdown. And look what it’s cost us: 380,000 “non essential” federal workers received an unwelcome vacation over Christmas in the form of unpaid furloughs. Another 420,000 had to work through the holidays, also unpaid, on a Trump promise they would get a retroactive paycheck when government reopens. Is there any promise he’s ever kept? Particularly involving free labor?

That’s 800,000 Americans held hostage by pride.

And the math gets more grim from there. In late 2017, Standard & Poor’s Global Ratings U.S. economics team calculated that the country loses $6.5 billion a week in lost productivity. We have already eclipsed the cost of Trump’s ransom note of $5 billion for his wall.

The House has an opportunity to hold a mantle it hasn’t grasped in decades: working for people, regardless of party. And considering the ransom amounts to one-half of one percent of the U.S. debt, it’s clear what this stalemate has become — an incessant backseat bickering amounting to  “Mom, he’s touching my side of the seat!” on a road trip both parents are already regretting.

So become the parents. And scolding ones, at that.

As the televised “negotiation” between Trump, Nancy Pelosi, Chuck Schumer and a mannequin of Mike Pence underscored, restrained debate does not work, either politically or practically.Image result for trump pelosi schumer pence

What the Democrats need is an unofficial spokesperson who can firebrand with the Pumpkin-in-Chief. Perhaps Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez, Kamela Harris, Corey Booker, or any of the party’s young turks. Image result for Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez, Kamela Harris, Corey Booker

And make it plain that the $5 billion is not for the wall, but to pacify a petulant child. In fact, officially give it a title that says just that. Perhaps the Baby Binket Bill. And in introducing it on the floor, be as cutting as Trump in its introduction. “We know the president will likely spend much of it to silence porn stars and playmates, and that the wall will be as successful as his ‘university’ and ‘charity’ — in Chapter 11. But Americans who believe in working should not be punished by a pathological scam artist.”

Sean Hannity and his colleagues at Pravda News will collectively lose their minds. The Senate would surely change the name of the bill. The president might veto it on the insult alone. Image result for angry hannity

But the statement would have already been made official — and would stick. Trump has always been canny with insults that stick (“Lyin’ Ted, Lil’ Marco). Beat him to the punch. More importantly, become the party that reclaims the high ground. God knows it’s low hanging fruit for the taking.

Swallow your pride, throw the punch, employ the people.

This is the time for resolutions, none of which we keep. Mine, for instance, will be the same I had last year: Take up smoking; try meth; and get even with that hobo.

Dems can go a step further by making (and keeping) just one:

Do your fucking job.