Tag Archives: Trump

The I.I. Word

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There were three epiphanies in last week’s testimony from Special Counsel Robert Mueller regarding his investigation of the president:

  1.  Journalistically is the clearest way to write, hands down.
  2.  Robert Mueller is not a good writer.
  3. Congress has a workaround the “I word,” as Donnie has begun calling it, and it’s pretty simple.

First, the hearing validated journalistic writing. Take your legal, medical, academic and technical literacy jargon and stick ’em in a book somewhere to sell em to your students. Why do you think Mueller’s press conference grabbed so much more attention than his two years’ of research? Because he had to speak succinctly, plainly and clearly, which is isn’t the first rule of journalism; it’s the only rule. There’s a reason America’s greatest writers — Hemingway, Steinbeck, Faulkner, Salinger, Vonnegut — employed  the style.Image result for Hemingway, Steinbeck, Faulkner, Salinger, Vonnegut

Second, Bob could have really used a good copy editor. There’s no arguing the investigation was an opus of thorough legalese: 2 years’ investigation, three dozen indictments, hundreds of witnesses and not one leak. It’s 448 pages of legal prowess. Yet what’s the buy Gabapentin online reddit one line you remember from the entire affair? “If there was evidence exonerating the president, we would have said so.” Again, it came from the press conference. But more importantly, why not write that in the report, first page? In fact, go a step further: The first page of the tome should have been a journalistically-penned synopsis, summarizing the Russian hacking, the 5 specific incidents of obstruction and that Trump was not out of the woods; far from it.

Mueller also could have used a memorable conclusion, essential in solid writing. Here’s where a journalistic final page would have come in handy, when Mueller could explain that he’s not prosecuting Trump, but simply gathering facts for a grand jury. And Congress is the grand jury. Write that! Again, a bulleted, numbered list parenthetically enclosing the gist of the case would have dictated the narrative, instead of relying on two impromptu press conferences to clarify findings that Trump’s lackeys intentionally muddied.Image result for bob barr funny

And finally, the talk that’s dominated the post-Mueller conference has been impeachment. Rightfully, it’s a sticky wicket for the 237 presidential candidates. Trump seems to want one (it would provide his base the red meat of a new “witch hunt”), and Pelosi (who saw Bill Clinton’s post-impeachment surge in popularity polls) knows the gesture would die in the Senate before it passed even one of the flaps of Mitch McConnell’s neck.Image result for pelosi

But there’s a clear third option: impeachment inquiry. In that outdated relic we call the U.S. Constitution is a little loophole that allows the House of Representatives to launch an impeachment inquiry against any president. According to federal law, the House Judiciary Committee first can hold hearings to investigate whether impeachment is warranted. This can include calling witnesses, collecting documents and debating whether the behavior in question constitutes an impeachable offense, which the Constitution only ambiguously defines. The inquiry would culminate in the panel either voting to recommend that the full House approve one or more articles of impeachment, or deciding not to make any such recommendation. It’s been launched twice, against Nixon and Clinton, and is precisely the tool to use on Trump.

What a gift horse Dems seemed determined to look in the mouth. This middle ground would allow Dems on the fence to stay perched there while aggressive Dems subpoena the shit out of the president and his cronies. And there’s no timetable for when the Judiciary Committee has to take a vote. So take your time. If the GOP can string along Merrick Garland for a year without a Supreme Court vote, surely the Dems can take two on a matter exponentially more important. Strategically, it could be politically astute: You couldn’t buy as much negative advertisement as you’d get from seeing Trump’s slackwits sweat it out in a courtroom. PLUS: You get to dismiss any Trump assertion by simply pointing out ‘This from the guy under investigation for impeachment,” a tag that could stick well into 2020 Sure it’s vague. But it’s accurate.

So why the hesitancy to move for inquiry? In short, guts. It died with John McCain.  But I find these questions best addressed in reverse order. If this doesn’t qualify for an impeachment inquiry, what would? Buck up, wingers. You may have expected Mueller to trot Trump out of the White House in handcuffs. But he’s done something nearly as effective: He’s deputized you.

Next.

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I have a rule in writing a film criticism: The entire plot must be reducible to a single sentence. If it takes longer, either you or the filmmaker is slow getting to the point.

I’d advise the same stratagem to the 24/7s and the politicians who love to appear on them. There are, at best, seven interesting points in the Mueller report that weren’t redacted. Both can be explained in two simple paragraphs. Forget where the report stands politically — people made that choice (unencumbered by facts) long ago. But no one has challenged the following findings, so let’s wrap this up and move on to bigger, more pressing issues. We’re flush with ’em.

Citing written notes from then-Attorney General Jeff Sessions’ chief of staff Jody Hunt, the report said that Trump “slumped back in his chair,” after Sessions informed him of Mueller’s appointment.

“Oh my God. This is terrible. This is the end of my Presidency. I’m f—–,” Trump said, according to Hunt. “How could you let this happen, Jeff?” he asked, telling the attorney general he had let him down and that he was supposed to protect him. “This is the worst thing that ever happened to me,” Trump said.

  • McGahn says Trump asked him to ‘do crazy s—‘

Former White House Counsel Don McGahn told investigators that Trump called him on two occasions to tell then-Deputy Attorney General Rod Rosenstein that Mueller had “conflicts” and needed to be removed as special counsel.

McGahn said that he agreed to do it to get off the phone, but that he planned to resign rather than carry out the order. He told former White House Chief of Staff Reince Priebus and adviser Steve Bannon that he planned to quit. Priebus told investigators McGahn didn’t get into specifics, but that Trump had asked him to “do crazy s—.”

  • ‘Lawyers don’t take notes’ 

Trump later asked McGahn about notes he had taken of their meetings. “Lawyers don’t take notes. I never had a lawyer who took notes,” Trump said, according to the report. McGahn told him he took notes because he’s a “real lawyer” and it is important to create a written record.

“I’ve had a lot of great lawyers, like Roy Cohn. He did not take notes,” Trump said, referring to the controversial attorney who worked for Sen. Joseph McCarthy and who has been described as Trump’s mentor.

  • Request for Russia to hack Clinton was ‘in jest’

In his written answers to the special counsel, Trump told Mueller that when he said, “Russia if you’re listening” during a July 2016 campaign event and asked Russia to hack into his opponent Hillary Clinton’s emails, he made the comment “in jest and sarcastically, as was apparent to any objective observer.”

But, according to the report, within about five hours of Trump’s request, Russian military intelligence agents “targeted Clinton’s personal office for the first time.” And according to Trump’s former national security adviser Michael Flynn, Trump “repeatedly” asked members of his campaign to track down emails Clinton was believed to have deleted.

  • Sarah Sanders’ words ‘not founded on anything’

After Trump fired FBI Director James Comey, the then-deputy press secretary told reporters during a White House news conference that “the rank and file of the FBI had lost confidence in their director.” She had told reporters the claim was based on statements from “countless members of the FBI.”

But according to the report, when the special counsel’s office asked her about the claim, Sanders said it had been a “slip of the tongue.” She said she made the statement “in the heat of the moment,” and Mueller’s team concluded it “was not founded on anything.”

  • ‘You have friends in high places’ 

After the FBI raided the home, office and hotel room of former Trump lawyer Michael Cohen, Trump reached out to Cohen publicly and privately, telling him to “hang in there” and “stay strong.” Trump lawyer Rudy Giuliani set up a “back channel” through another lawyer, Robert Costello, who told Cohen he should “Sleep well tonight … you have friends in high places.”

Cohen told Mueller that he understood that as long as he stayed on message, Trump would take care of him – either with a pardon or by shutting the investigation down.

  • ‘I’ll get the president to send out a positive tweet’ 

Former New Jersey Gov. Chris Christie recalled a lunch at the White House with Trump and his son-in-law Jared Kushner, where the president asked him to call Comey and “tell him he’s part of the team.” Christie refused. Christie also recalled that Flynn called Kushner during the meeting to complain about something that then-Press Secretary Sean Spicer has said during a news conference.

“You know the president respects you,” Kushner told Flynn, according to Christie. “The president cares about you. I’ll get the president to send out a positive tweet about you later.” Trump then nodded in agreement, Christie said, according to the report.

The Blue Path Forward

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I have a psychological problem when it comes to sports. I’m such an irrational fan of my favorite teams I cannot stand to watch them on live TV. I get angry at player mistakes, infuriated by referees’ missed calls, and generally so wound up I cannot watch the event for risk of either smashing my TV to bits or suffering an embolism.

So I created a homeopathic treatment for my emotional disorder: I tape the game, check the score on the web after the contest is over, and either enjoy the victory I know is coming or delete the recording before I watch one second of futility.Image result for tony romo grips helmet

Though I know it’s got to be a deep-rooted psychological imbalance, it’s at least easy to rationalize: If you knew a movie was going to have a bad ending before you bought the ticket, would you still go see it? Similarly: If you knew the flick had a good ending, would you watch it? I know the thrill of watching sports is akin to the adrenaline charge of gambling; the dopamine rush is in the unexpected. But I figure life is uncertain enough. Best to hew to that which you know makes you happy.

I’d offer a similar proposal to Democrats, who, in the wake of the Mueller report, are acting like  they just lost the Super Bowl on a blown call. There’s screaming, cursing, crying of injustice. Already, Dems are threatening to subpoena Mueller — a man whose qualities the left raised to the rafters the past two years — to bring him in for questioning under oath. They are demanding to inspect the entire 300-page report themselves. Nancy Pelosi called the GOP “scaredy cats” for its refusal to release the findings, perhaps a fair criticism.Image result for pelosi calls gop scaredy cats

But it’s a useless approach, and a peculiar one. What would the Dems do with the report anyway? In 2000, the Office of Legal Counsel (OLC), a branch of the Justice Department, ruled that a sitting president cannot be indicted; it’s either impeachment or bust. So we knew that Mueller wasn’t going to be walking Trump out in cuffs. And we knew impeachment wasn’t going to result: That requires a two-thirds vote of the Senate. You couldn’t get two-thirds of the Senate to agree sand is dry.

The left’s problem is this: They fail to see the similarity between Trumpism and religion. For years, we’ve heard that this is the piece of evidence that will turn the tide: the Access Hollywood tape; the Stormy Daniels affair; the failed overhaul of Obamacare; the Mueller investigation.

But let’s face the undeniable: Nothing will change a Trumpian mind, just as nothing will turn a believer into a doubter. Faith in Trump is like faith in an afterlife; they have no evidence to support their belief system, but gosh is makes them feel good.Image result for trump and god

Given that, perhaps Dems should try a new approach: acceptance. Better yet, relief.

Fox and the GOP have been gloating since the report’s release, and they have that right. But they were always going to handle the report that way, rejecting news they didn’t like, embracing news they did. As the president has (rightfully) boasted, he could commit murder without consequence. Faith is a bitch; just ask the women of Salem.

Instead, when they’re surrounded by media, why don’t Nancy and Chuck try this tack: Say you’re relieved by the findings. You’re happy with the half dozen convictions and 19 indictments brought about by the investigation. After all, isn’t that actually true? Would you really have wanted to hear, from any top cop investigating any federal officials, from either party, that they are pawns of an enemy state? Does our partisanship infect that deeply?Image result for trump russian spy funny

It’s a tough pill to swallow, to be sure. It’s hard to see righteous, loudmouth fat asses brag. But that’s what we elected and, thus, what we’ve got coming. Remember: Trump’s election was America’ diagnosis of metastatic political cancer. Some vomiting and hair loss is inevitable. And it still may kill us.

But acceptance of foolish faith doesn’t mean you have to abandon sniping. Far from it. If anything, the report allows for some delicious sarcasm from the left, though we’re lousy at that. Imagine if Pelosi were to say the following: “First of all, we’d like to thank Bob Mueller. It was a thankless task, and he was the model of professionalism. Second, we’re actually relieved that Mr. Mueller decided the president of the United States is not a Russian spy. We know the guy is bad, but that would have been tough to deal with, him being a spy and all. Now let’s to fixing things we know he screwed up, like healthcare and tax inequity.” Trump and Hannity would lose their unwrinkled gray minds. And for god’s sake, somebody officially thank Mueller. He served the military, saw battle, and was rewarded with two years of Trump work? He probably envies John McCain at this point.

Or Dems could be even snippier with a single retort: “O.J. was acquitted, too.”

The point is, act like you’ve got a goddamn job to do, which you do. Ultimately, we’re going to have to concede that Trump is that immovable societal object. The answer is not to create an unstoppable force, but an indifferent one.

I better wrap this up. I have several games to delete.