Tag Archives: Trump

Michael Bloomberg’s Attempted Trump Card

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Stop me if you’ve heard this before…

A billionaire with no heartfelt party alliance and no experience in federal government runs for president, seemingly on a whim, leaving pundits muttering and late night comedians laughing all the way to the bank. Give up (you know, in case you didn’t read the headline or look at the picture)?

Meet Michael Bloomberg. We’re going on the record: Keep an eye on Michael Bloomberg.

I know, I know. He’s garnered little more than asterisk-level coverage in his campaign for president. CNN and MSNBC — when they can wrench themselves from impeachment proceedings — prefer to focus on his abysmal poll numbers in Iowa and New Hampshire (one story had him polling in the negative digits, if that’s even possible). Late night hosts have been particularly “woke” about his candidacy, making profitable hay out of a tired lament: “Do we really need another rich dude running for president?” (Side note to the jokesters: They’re all rich.)

And this is in NO way an endorsement for him as president, nor even the Democratic candidate for high office. We gave up forecasting in 2016.

In truth, I don’t think President Fuckface von Shitstick will turn over the keys to the White House, even if he loses the popular and electoral vote in double landslides. The guy denies the legitimacy of the 2016 election — which he won. Can anyone envision a scenario where Trump does not claim the election fraudulent? The real question America may have to answer, however difficult the question, is this: What do we do when the Commander-in-Chief tells one portion of the government to ignore another? What happens when Trump orders the military to act against The Department of Justice? Keep an eye on that, too.

But this piece is meant more as a reminder about those who forget history. And political pundits are doing an awfully good imitation lately of Sammy Jankis, the murderer with short-term amnesia in Memento. Image result for remember sammy jankis

Maybe they haven’t seen the movie, but, spoiler alert, bad things happen when something slips Sammy’s mind.

Bad things (namely, looking inept before national audiences) may await observers who scoff at Bloomberg’s run. Forget polls. Let’s consider a few realities of the race and the political landscape that hosts it:

  • Ludwigsburg We laughed at Donald Trump’s candidacy, too. Enough said.
  • widthwise We have put the White House up for sale. Contemporary politics have always been modulated by bank balances, but 2016 became the year when celebrity and wealth were the only predicate requirements for president. And Bloomberg is buying up airtime like Monopoly houses. Bloomberg has outspent on television ads more than all the top-polling Democrats combined– a figure that has eclipsed $120 million, already a record for a presidential race. This week, he announced plans to donate $10 million to help shore up vulnerable House Democrats being targeted by allies of  Trump because of the ongoing impeachment inquiry. Think they’ll turn on him?
  • Bloomberg remembers the flyover states. Friends from Michigan to Arkansas have reported seeing Bloomberg ads — but not one from any Democratic opponents, who are apparently focused on the state on the day calendar. Hillary Clinton also forgot Michigan.Image result for hillary clinton michigan
  • Trump is scared of Bloomberg. You can measure Trump’s jealousy with a pretty simple metric: He does something. He’s being impeached because his fear of Biden sent him bribing. Last month, his administration banned Bloomberg News from attending official events because Bloomberg announced he will not run journalism hit pieces on Democratic opponents. You can argue the merits of the policy, but it’s hard to argue that Trump isn’t noticing.

The 24/7’s have spent what little time they dedicate to Bloomberg questioning why he’s running in an already saturated race. My question is: Why wouldn’t he?

Imagine, for a moment, you have $51 in your savings account and run a business. And a political strategist comes to you and says: “For $1, you can run for president. You’ll become a bigger celebrity than you are now. You will hold rallies in front of throngs of people who love you. Your business will inherit more publicity than you could get through prime time ad buys. And you get to get Donald Trump alone in a ring. Oh, and you’d be the most powerful person on Earth.” Would you decline?

That’s essentially the offer made to Bloomberg, whose $51 billion net worth will barely feel the list of  a presidential run (much of which will be funded by donors anyway). Next time you see a Bloomberg ad or listen to a spokesman, see if a through-line doesn’t emerge: The ads and strategy clearly come from a businessman who considers Trump an economic idiot and a shitstain on the reputation of billionaires.

But do his motives even matter? The truth is, the Left would support Anthony Weiner’s ball sac if it out-polled the president. Image result for anthony weiner photos with kid

And think of the theater if Bloomberg won the nomination! Debates would be like simulcast UFC bouts. Unlike the other candidates, Bloomberg is someone Trump envies. We can make a pretty safe bet Trump doesn’t envy homosexuals. Bernie’s too blue collar. And you can bet money Trump would rather pimp out Ivanka than be a minority or female.

Bloomberg, however, is the only candidate who actually is a billionaire. And while Trump was spouting debunked conspiracy theories on the Howard Stern Show during the post 9/11 maelstrom, Bloomberg was leading the city through three terms and becoming a hero in the president’s birth state. Plus, Mikey would have the ultimate debate-clincher if he makes his taxes public. Were he somehow cornered by Trump in a debate, all he need do is produce a photocopy of his W-2 and say: “This is what a billionaire’s tax return looks like. What does yours look like, bitch?”

That last addendum is just a visceral add. But the notion of taking Bloomberg seriously is not. There will be oodles of time to debate policy. But for now, let’s forget about tax reform, healthcare overhauls and economic and foreign strategies. Let’s start with some baby steps toward reason, whoever leads us.

In our last presidential election, we decided to lick the frozen telephone pole and see what it would be like to choose the evil of two lessers. Our first order of business should be to go cold turkey on that disastrous practice.

 

‘You Come at the King, You Best Not Miss’

Hi, my name is Scott Bowles, and I am a Dallas Cowboys fan.

If you’re even a casual observer of the NFL, you know this is no easy admission. I’m from Detroit. An out-of-towner pulling for the Cowboys is like a non-resident pulling for the Boston Celtics (which I do) or the New York Yankees (which I do not).

The Celtics are easy to explain; that’s an inheritance from Dad. The Cowboys, though, are harder to explain. Dad hated the Cowboys. Maybe it was teen rebellion, maybe it was canny teen marketing, maybe it was the Roger Staubach-signed pennant Dad got me when I was in the hospital contracting diabetes. Whatever the reason, the bond was sealed.

I know this union is morally wrong. Sometimes, I feel like Melania Trump. No matter how much cult fans chant I’m doing the right thing in the marriage, sometimes I’ve got to admit I’m with a loathsome creep.

Or was. I’m officially switching allegiances this season. This year I’m rooting for the Baltimore Ravens to win the Super Bowl. And you should, too.

I know I know. It’s heresy to switch bandwagons, especially mid-season. But hear me out. Dallas has always been known as “America’s Team,” thanks to the organization’s slick and ubiquitous self-promotion. But I suggest the Ravens best represent this country, both in toughness and underdog-ness.

Consider:

  • Miracle turnaround. No one thought the Ravens  a serious contender in 2019 — particularly when the hapless Cleveland Browns shelled them early in the year. But a turnaround came primarily thanks to Lamar Jackson, a 22-year-old quarterback who has set the team on fire. Half quarterback, half running back, Jackson was considered a bust of a draft pick last year. This year, he’s led the Ravens to a record of 10-2, the best in the NFL. He’s also the first quarterback in history to pass for more than 250 yards and run for 120 in one game. Image result for lamar jackson
  • Dethroned a king. Last month, the Ravens played the vaunted New England Patriots, home to Hall of Fame quarterback Tom Brady and head coach Bill Belichick. The Patriots, who many consider Super Bowl favorites, were undefeated at the time and expected to roll over the young Ravens. The Ravens shellacked them 37-20. Image result for belichick brady
  • The political intrigue. This is reason enough to pull for the Ravens. Traditionally, the victorious Super Bowl team gets a trip to the White House and a visit with the president. Last year, the Patriots and owner Robert Kraft happily took up the invitation. (Side note: Kraft, 78, was later arrested for asking a young masseuse to give him a happy ending. Trump is a true ally of pederasts; he doesn’t drain the swamp so much as dunk people in it.) Image result for robert kraft massage

You remember Trump and “Charm City,” as the state has nicknamed it. Baltimore was targeted by Trump in July, when the president lashed out at Rep. Elijah Cummings, a Democrat whose district included parts of Baltimore city and Baltimore County.

Cummings’ “district is a disgusting, rat and rodent infested mess,” Trump said of the city and the Representative. “If he spent more time in Baltimore, maybe he could help clean up this very dangerous & filthy place.”Image result for trump cummings

Cummings later died, but not the city’s memory of him. When Melania Trump — whose single platform as First Lady is an anti-bullying campaign — showed up in Baltimore for a photo op, the irony was not lost on residents. They swamped the appearance, delayed it for minutes with protest chants and loudly chatted among themselves during Melania’s speech. Charming? Not at all. Of course, neither is taking shots at the dead and dying (insert McCain citation here). Be best!

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What theater that would make! Will he invite the team? Will the team accept? How long before Trump mistakes the team for the help?

Whether it was Trump’s diss, Cummings’ death or simply fatigue from marginalization, the Ravens have been a team possessed. Two weeks ago, when the Ravens were making a rare appearance on national television (Monday Night Football), a commentator made a brilliant observation as Baltimore dismantled the glitzy Los Angeles Rams, who hosted the game with stars in the stands and sporting flashy yellow uniforms. As the Ravens mashed the Los Angeles’ uniforms from lemon to dirt-stained coffee brown, the analyst noted “This is The Wire going up against Dancing with the Stars,” a reference to the gritty Baltimore-set crime drama considered one of the greatest shows of all-time. “And the Ravens don’t feel like dancing.”

No, the Ravens aren’t here to dance. They’re here to follow the wisdom of Omar Little, the anti-hero of The Wire: to walk with some swagger; whistle The Farmer in the Dell; and send dope boys scrambling.

You hear that, Donnie? Omar’s crew coming!

 

 

 

One Character or Less

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We at the HB hope you enjoy President Trump’s latest tweet, which has dominated the airwaves and frustrated staffers and spokesmen at Little Kremlin, er, the White House, since president Trump sausage-pecked it yesterday. It hopefully will be the last you see.

We plan to no longer quote his non-newsworthy tweets — i.e., nearly all of them — for the sake of our own sanity and the nation’s. From here going forward, we’re employing the LTC Policy regarding Twitter, as well as all Social Media.

LTP is an acronym for Limited Twitter Coverage. The policy calls for any tweet that is tantamount to an ad hominem attack on a person, group or cause to be stricken from news coverage. We invite our colleagues  to do the same — not only to improve political discourse in America, but to re-institute a standard of values in U.S. journalism, which unfortunately has become a mirror of the people it covers.

You can use the latest tweet as reason enough for an LTC Policy, though we could have (and should have) implemented such a policy years ago. Precisely, three years ago. Remember covfefe? (“Despite the constant negative press covfefe.”) That was the tip of a cognitively dissonant iceberg. Here are just a couple of his Alzheimer-ish ramblings, in addition to the latest:

Yes, romantic loyalty is important, Mr. President.

Er…what? And who or what the hell is EASY D?

And so on. Books have been published about his “tweetstorms.” Image result for book about trump tweetsA count by The Washington Post and New York Times found that the president has tweeted 17,000 times from 2015, when he entered the race, through July 2017. We must have passed 25,000 tweets months ago. Imagine the ink we’ve spent, the airtime hours we’ve wasted, just to cover his 3 a.m. rants?

Writing about Trump’s caustic journaling is a Faustian bargain. The devil pays well, but always collects. On the one hand, you could argue that America has a right into the insights of the man with the nuclear PIN code. Anything that exposes his predisposition, they argue, informs a voting public.

The argument’s not without merits. And that’s not to mention the money at stake from covering Trump’s tweets. Boiling blood always outsells coagulating, and CNN, MSNBC and about every other outlet in America would chop off its right hand rather than give up that cash cow.Image result for twitter cash

But at what cost the cow? Does it not play into a simple-but-effective Republican strategy of getting beneath Democrats’ skin? Does it not make news coverage of the very subject numbingly repetitive? What’s worse: Are we discriminating against those who aren’t part of the Social Media ecosystem? They’re a larger group than you think: A full 78% of Americans aren’t on Twitter, according to a Pew poll. Yet 51% of Americans read tweets in the media, according to the same study.

What if we have been reeled in by the troller-in-chief? Consider the distraction the tweet caused: Instead of covering the plethora of scandals before us, we’re going ape shit over the word “lynching” and its meaning. Consider how the tweet was really a coded wink to his base: The administration can (and did) argue that the media was misconstruing him again while still giving a nod to Trumpkins. All while we chased cauldrons.

Speaking of which: For us reporters (it’s time we speak in the collective), tweets don’t it even pass  basic reporting essentials, like attribution and sourcing. News outlets — particularly new and shiny digital ones — love to make a point of how hip and topical they are by quoting clever, anonymous Twitter users. You’ll see legitimate outlets quoting tweeters with identifications like or @centralsquarepigeon,  or @LordVoldemort7, or @sarcasticrover, or on and on and on. Some have clever quips to make, some not so much. Either way, a reporter would be given a pink slip  had he/she returned from a Man-on-the-Street story without real names, real attribution, anything that would give the interviewee reason to stand by his or her words.

To add to the confusion, Trump rarely tweets about anything of import. Other than lambaste investigations as witch hunts, when has he tipped his hand about anything controversial or even revealing? Before the  Post story broke, were any of the 25,000+ tweets about Ukraine’s need to battle corruption? Any tweets about how his “internal tax audit” is going? Anything about his emoluments schemes (besides denying them)?Image result for funny trump tax return

Even yesterday’s tweet could use a LTC Policy vetting. What exactly did the president reveal with that controversial missive? That he’s a racist? That he doesn’t know history? That he has no grasp of the definition of words (Webster’s definition of lynching: “(of a mob) kill (someone), especially by hanging, for an alleged offense with or without a legal trial).” Last time I checked, impeachment is a legal trial, and Trump still breathes.Image result for black man lynched

This isn’t to say we should drop coverage of Twitter. It has become the White House’s de facto source of press releases, as opposed to news conferences. Foreign nations — most recently France and Brazil — have publicly bickered and delayed aid over perceived-offensive tweets. Cabinet hirings and firings are done by tweet (ask John Bolton). The #Metoo movement was an historical hashtag. And stories like the Vanity Fair article on Mitt Romney using the pen name @PierreDelecto helped to chillingly  underscore the fear that runs through the GOP. They are legitimate stories.

But what are we really gaining with circus tent coverage over all administration tweets, besides misinformation? 24/7 news outlets have been quick to trumpet new ethics policies, including withholding the identity of mass shooters and not re-reporting thoroughly debunked conspiracy theories.

But that’s not nearly far enough. If we hope to regain even a modicum of respect in the public’s eye, we’ve got to demonstrate some deliberateness in what we cover — if only to give the stories we do write sense of gravitas. It’s a counter-intuitive ask: to drop some stories simply because they don’t cut muster, even if it hurts our bottom line. But we do it with every other form of journalistic coverage, from entertainment to business to sports.

Why not the most important beat of all?