Tag Archives: Trump

The Corona Diaries

Image result for take the money and run movie

Episode X: Take the Money and Run

 

Make no mistake: I have every intention of cashing the $1,200 check the Trump administration promises to send to every working American to get through the coronavirus pandemic.

But make no mistake: This “relief” package must have been thought up by the magna cum laudes at Trump University. Because this has bogus PHD written all over it. Image result for trump university funny pic

I’m not a math guy. I don’t get how numbers work except in magic tricks (and I usually screw those up). But even a rudimentary grasp of division illuminates the screw job by the president.

Consider how much $2 trillion is. And we’re going to get a one-time payment of $1,200 to live perhaps well into the summer? Where, dear lawmakers, do you live? What do you do for food? Have you ever tried so see how far you get on $1,200?Image result for how much is a trillion

About this far.

This is clearly an impossibility in the Economic Darwinism that is U.S. capitalism, but let’s say for a moment that the government decided to  put that money into the hands of the U.S. populace (the people who actually run the economy).

There are 246 million adults in America, according to the latest census data. A $2 trillion stimulus would put a check of $8,130.10. Cut another way, $1,000 a month for eight months (nearly through summer entirely).

We are already flirting with the idea of a Universal Basic Income for Americans. The estimated cost of living, proponents say, puts a UBI at $1,600 a month.

What an opportunity to test the theorem! In a limited window. With capped relief funds. While Americans are open to new realities in a post-corona world.

Instead, we’ll get $296 billion of the $2 trillion relief fund. The other $1.7 billion will go to the corporations our lawmakers say are in desperate need of an influx. Don’t worry, they say: Look how well the $800 billion bank bailout helped the working class in 2008.

That’s not piss; it’s trickle down economics, homes.

Love in the Time of Corona

Image result for coronavirus

Welcome, ye converts!

We knew we were onto something with Evidentialism. But we never expected such a widespread conversion. No worries; we can accommodate you all, though it’s clearly a limited-time offer.

For here we are, called to collective Mass by Circumstance. Our heads are bowed, our hands are clasped. Of course, we have a lot of time for solemn reflection lately; we can’t go to most public gatherings, schools are closing, sports are canceled. What’s a body to do besides pray for a body?

Yet those heads are bowed not for a higher power to smite an enemy, not a savior to bring forth justice with great vengeance and furious anger.

No, we’re praying to science.

Look at the way we changed our everyday lives when science told us of an imminent, existential threat. We now elbow-bump. We wear medical masks to the grocery stores. We have suspended human interaction until further notice.Image result for elbow bump

The urge here is great to make this column one long endorsement of Evidentialism, the faith that posits that science is a faith. It’s tempting to point out that folks aren’t flocking to their houses of worship (haven’t you heard? Pope’s taking confession on Instagram.). Normally, I’d point out that, suddenly, we’re not hearing from anti-vaxers clamoring to get to the bottom of the list. I might even take a shot at friends much smarter than I who dismiss the science-as-faith concept out of hand; if that praying for a cure you’re doing isn’t an act of faith, I might ask, what is?Image result for pope on video

But I’m not going to do that.

The larger precept here is much simpler; COVID-19 underscores the dangerous habit of acting without evidence. The American political system has made a cottage industry out of turning science into ideology. Corona smashed that to hell in  a week.

Whether it’s politics or religion or the weather, beware those who act without evidence. If anything, resist it. Yeah, it makes you an asshole. But it’s time we pucker up and give resistance to stupidity.

As Evidentialism loves to cite, we do it in our everyday lives anyway. Imagine: You live in a place that gets a real winter. You’re in day 3 of a winter storm that’s dumped 8 inches a day and dropped temperatures to sub-zero.Image result for snowstorm guy in t shirt

Your brother walks into the living room, icicles dangling from his nose and eyebrows, dressed in nothing but a t-shirt, jeans and sandals. “Man!” you’re brother proclaims. “I’m freezing!” After laughing your ass off at the dullard, you’d probably ask why he didn’t bother checking the forecast — or looking outdoors.

Yet on deeper issues — issues that shape the core of what makes you you — it’s impolite to ask whey they hold the opinion they do. It’s rude, we’re told. It’s intrusive. People are free to think what they want.

Exactly. So why not find out where they’re coming from?

It’s time to push back against the hunch. Our president — the one who in 2017 dissolved the National Security Council Directorate for Global Health Security and Bio Defense (the government’s pandemic team) — has a “hunch” COVID-19 will “magically” evaporate with the warming spring air. Get back to staring at the sun, Cadet Bone Spurs. COVID doesn’t give a shit about stock markets, border walls, party affiliations or wealth. This is science, bitch. There are no cuts in line.Image result for trump stares at sun

Assuming this does not wipe out the human race (and we’re making no assumptions), we will likely forget how we once prayed to science. That, as usual, will be due to science saving the day to allow us to worship whatever coconuts we hold sacred. That’s the other wondrous thing about science: It’s a faith that doesn’t seek glory, but equilibrium. Just pray we’re not too late in seeing its beauty.