Tag Archives: Trump

The iPhone Paradox (or How America Built a Cognitive Immune System)

Those who are wise will shine like the brightness of the heavens, and those who lead many to righteousness, like the stars for ever and ever.

— Daniel 12:3

I’ve always been fascinated with immune systems.

When I was 13, I contracted diabetes after my immune system attacked and disabled my pancreas. My mother’s immune system attacked her eyes with bird shot retinapathy, rendering her nearly blind. After the transplant, my immune system had to be utterly muted, lest it reject the new organs.

Now, the nation has developed its own immune system — against logic, reason and science. Call it a Cognitive Immune System. And it comes courtesy of the Republican Party and its Dullard-In-Chief.

Trumptards and the man they worship have decided that the most effective defense of their long-held belief system — one largely scaffolded by religion — is to challenge the progress we’ve made as a species as progress at all.

They have even built up anti-bodies to protect their CIS, in the form of conspiracy theories, social media and, of course, religious idolatry. Even the notion of intellect has become a criticism of our elected officials.Why conspiracy theories on coronavirus have spread so quickly - Vox

It’s difficult to lay this at the feet of anyone but those on the political right. Consider: Anti-vaxxers, flat-Earthers, climate deniers, creationists — all are branches under the Republican umbrella. Name one anti-intellectual theory that does not belong to the right, which has somehow turned science into an ideology. Even in the midst of a global pandemic, protective masks have become a political statement. Is it any wonder the U.S. has nearly triple the coronavirus deaths of any country on the planet?

Now consider the most renown mouthpieces of the dimwitted, which have overtaken the helm of the GOP: Donald Trump, Rush Limbaugh, Alex Jones, Glenn Beck, Pat Robertson. Republicans began priming the dummy pump decades ago (remember when Ronald Reagan was largely dismissed as the bubble-headed co-star opposite a chimp in Bedtime for Bonzo?). GOP  strategists struck electoral gold in that mine shaft, and increasingly fracked the political landscape with the likes of George W., Dan Quayle, Sarah Palin, Ben Carson, and on and on and on andonandonandon. They became the party too dumb to fail.Trump-Coalition-short.jpg Trump coalition - short list http://www ...

Even their media outlets have cornered the market on stupidity: Breitbart, The Sinclair Group, Fox News, not to mention the blogs, radio talk shows and news hours of the cognitively-challenged (Jeanine Pirro, anyone?). Their latest darling is Newsmax, which landed a Trump interview recently thanks to investigative gumshoe and cockholster Sean Spicer.Sean Spicer makes his 'Dancing with the Stars' debut

In conservatives’ defense, some have seen the mauling that has happened within the ranks. Washington Post columnist George Will made news — and enemies — for a recent piece in which he wrote that “Trump must be removed. So must his congressional enablers.” (By the way, George, your invitation to the National Prayer Breakfast must have gotten lost in the mail.)Conservative columnist George Will wins over liberals with ...

Unfortunately, Will & Co. have run smack-dab into The iPhone Paradox, which confounds at least 45% of the nation.

The iPhone Paradox is based loosely on Fermi’s Paradox, which posits that, given the billions of stars similar to the sun in our galaxy alone, we should have found intelligent life — or any life — somewhere in the universe. Yet that cupboard remains bare.The Fermi Paradox - Wait But Why

Similarly, we have managed to fit enough computing power (more than was aboard the Apollo 11 moon landing) into a candy bar-sized gadget to illuminate our brains to enlightenment. Yet we still doubt the credibility of scientists on everything from the Earth’s shape to its temperature — as we reach for an iPhone to give us our global positioning to find grandma’s house.

All that knowledge, at our fingertips. Yet it sits untouched in our back pocket.

Perhaps cognitive thinking is like alien life. We don’t really act like we’re interested in finding it. And if we’re not interested, why would it be interested in finding us?

 

Take 2 Tide Pods and Don’t Call Me in the Morning

Globetrotter legend Curly Neal made us want to be point guards

Awww, and we were doing so good.

Like, really good. Maybe even Snausage good. Dog Food – All Hail The Dog

And then we took our eyes off the ball. Or rather, we became hypnotized and paralyzed by the spinning ball atop Curly Neal’s finger as he juked by for an easy layup.

After all, what are we in the news media if not a reiteration of the Washington Generals, the hapless team that squares off against The Harlem Globetrotters? And while Donald Trump has no certifiable skills yet discovered by science, we still went for his head fake last week — the claim that he’s been taking Hydroxychloroquine for a couple weeks now.

Before that tumble, we had been near-noble against a high tide of proud oblivion. The 24/7s (at least those not named Fox von Foxington) had managed to feature real scientists in a pandemic. We looked to Johns Hopkins for death tolls, hot spots and steps to protect ourselves.

Sure, Trumptards proudly donned bacterial suicide vests, threw away their own masks and demanded that the public be gathered for target practice. Some drank aquarium cleaner on the advice of Dr. Bone Spurs. But that’s Darwin and America: Ignorance is not only deadly bliss, it’s guaranteed in our Bill of Rights.“All I can tell you is so far I seem to be OK,” President Trump said on Monday.

Then May 18 happened. What’s most puzzling about the media reaction to Trump’s allegation is that it broke the only two Commandments of News:

  1. It must be true. Minutes after the hydroxy stunt, the 24/7s nearly trampled each other to get doctors on-air, urging people to not take the Tide Pod Challenge to fight coronavirus.

It’s one thing to warn the public about the president’s quack recommendations. But Donnie simply claimed it as a personal practice. If he’d said he uses peanut butter to treat hemorrhoids, would we have doctors urging people to not salve their anuses with Extra Crunchy Skippy? Amazon.com : Skippy Peanut Butter, Extra Crunchy and Super Chunk ...

When people die from overdosing on a malaria drug (does anyone doubt they will?), the deaths will be at the feet of those who reported Trump’s unproven claim as true.

Imagine, for a second, that president Kool-Aid said he’d paid $45 in taxes in 2015 — a figure that’s probably $45 more than he did. Would we scurry to get financial experts on TV to talk about the broken tax system? Or serve up lectures on the dangers of income gaps?

Of course not. We’d demand to see the W-2s, as we know we can trust the dimwit as far as we can spit. We should admit we went for the easy story, one that simply complained about what a dumbass Trump is. THAT may be true. But can we say the same for any of the words that spew from his oddly-pursed lips? SNL' mocked Trump's national emergency and he responded on Twitter ...

To abridge Tom Waits, we went for the free cheddar in the mousetrap, and got snapped.Mouse Trap With Cheese Stock Photo, Picture And Royalty Free Image ...

2. It must be news. This one is trickier, and we often confuse “Fake” with “Non.” Even the word “news” is subjective. One man’s trash, and all that.

But this we can say, unequivocally: The man has tried to peddle at least 13 major products onto Americans, nearly all with some degree of failure. From steaks to board games to universities to vodka, the man doesn’t endorse anything in which he doesn’t have an investment. How much has Trump staked in hydroxy?

Now that’s a news story.

And consider the timing of the “admission.” His Secretary of State, Mike Pompeo, is the president’s un-indicted dealer in arms sales to the Saudis, the flying wedge against allegations of Russian meddling, and the index finger of Trump’s conspiracy claim that China weaponized the virus in a lab. Mike Pompeo Threw Lavish Dinners for Fox Hosts, GOP Megadonors ...

But Mike Pompeo doesn’t sell. Panic porn does.

It’s not too late to get out of the dog house. A presidential election may be arriving in November. We should have enough time  to prove we’ve learned to go poo-poo outside.