Tag Archives: Trump

An Open Letter to The New York Times


Dear The New York Times,

You are the one publication I fancied working for and never did, so these may be sour grapes. They’re most certainly fermented.

However, you did run blurbs from my reviews and covered my last day at USA Today fairly and accurately, so I consider us even.

But you’re dead wrong about Donald Trump’s presidential run, particularly the headline. Another Trump run is EXACTLY what America deserves.

What did you think you were watching the past six years? Downton Flabby? You have always flouted privilege as an option, from real estate to vegan food to theater tickets.

Yet you seem to think the privilege to choose extends to politics. It does not. Politics is like health: You make dumb choices early, you pay for them later. There’s no skirting consequence.

But all America has done in the 21st century is skirt, hem and haw. When it comes to inconvenient facts, the U.S. has proven itself Jim Crow backward. We’re competing with superpowers and oil barons over who can rot fastest.

Did you not watch the January 6th 2021 attempted overthrow of the United States government? It was in all the papers. Half our nation thought that was no big deal. How long does an American sit in the corner for trying to impose white make rule on everyone else in the room?

Under Trump, we became a nation of denial. Deny science. Deny equality.Deny data. Deny counting. Deny choice. Deny assistance.

He sprung a new dunce confederacy on the electorate (though Republicans gave him a mile head start), including Elon Musk, a Trump III mini-dunce. He made surgical masks look like political oppression. Dumbass stares at the sun: Do we even want to know how many yokels now do the same thing while driving?

Probably not. But do we deserve to have that idiot — who represents half of our union — on public display to reveal what we look like as a nation? Hell yes. We broke it, we bought it.

I didn’t deserve diabetes. But I did — and do — deserve every complication that comes from my mismanagement of it. Cleanup, Aisle Me. Try it sometime.

We’ve had political cancer for a while. The chemo may work, but we don’t get to decide when it’s over.

The Argument for Herschel


I’m not usually one for idiots, particularly conservative ones (sorry for the redundancy).

But here, I gotta say: Let dummies reign.

I’m talking, of course, about the runoff between Raphael Warnock and Herschel Walker. For a moment, it looked like the race could decide the balance of power in the Senate, and thus control of the Supreme Court.

But Democratic Senator Catherine Cortez Masto held serve in Nevada, making this race more moot than usual at a time when mootness (and muteness) are the soup of the day at America’s political bistro.

So The HollywoodBowles officially endorses Herschel Walker as Senator from the slack-jawed state of Georgia.

Not because he’s the most-qualified candidate, obviously. But because he is the opposite — and a living Scarlet Letter from the Republican Party.

Make no mistake, Georgians: The GOP lawn-jockeyed you with Walker, a pick of such blatant political blaxploitation that it may as well have nominated Dolemite or Petey Wheatstraw. Just as they ventriliqued Sarah Palin to life, they puppet Walker to action.

Never mind he spent a career taking blows to the head. Never mind that he’s a walking fertility clinic. Never mind that, this weekend at a rally, he exclaimed “America is the greatest country in the United States!” Like Dr. Toto — I mean Oz — he was chosen by the hairpiece behind the curtain, which is qualification plenty for conservatives.

Which is why Walker should win. To put on display yet again what Republicans consider stable genius. Just as a Trump presidency was a necessary constitutional enema, so is Walker’s public service. This is what passes muster among today’s conservatives. Consider it an anal bleach, on the house.

Losing to a wontwit would be an unfair fate for Warnock, an ordained minister whose works over the past two years would impress Samson.

But the universe has always been a brutally indifferent place, particularly for dopes and those who find enlightenment in them. Stupid is as stupid does.

So, by all means, Republicans, hoist your candidate high and mighty. For He is the Chosen One’s ornament, a testimony to the will and wisdom you brought to bear in 2016. And may bring back in 2024.

Give this to the dimwits: They’ll do anything to stay on stage. Even step and fetch.