Tag Archives: Teddy and Esme

When I Was Four-Feet Tall, It Was a Very Good Year

 

HAPPY BIRTHDAY RAFAEL!

To my dear dear nephew,

You are delightfully too young to realize it, but one day you will be delightfully old enough to remember the Olden Days.

One day, when you are ancient like me, a boy who is new like you will ask when you were born. And you’ll say “2010.” And his eyes will widen. He may whistle. And he will say “Wow, you don’t look old.”

And you can smile, and thank him (you have always been gorgeous, and will hear that often). And you can tell him this about the year of your birth:

  • The iPad was invented.
  • J.D. Salinger died.
  • The New Orleans Saints won the Super Bowl (though it coulda been Indy).
  • The average house cost $268,000.
  • A gallon of gas cost $2.73, bread was $2.49 a loaf and a pound of potatoes cost an average of 52 cents.

But that won’t really tell him what the Olden Days were like. That wasn’t really life in The Tens (use that term, just to blow his mind). To do that, you can tell him — as can all generations to the ones that follow — this:

“The Olden Days were wondrous, full of hugs and kisses, dancing and playing, smiles and laughter (so much laughter!).


“Of friends that would fight for you. Of family that would die for you. kidsRafiRomeo

“Why, in the Olden Days, a boy could turn six and lose count of all the creatures who loved him, thought of him, big and small.

“The Olden Days were sparkly, golden days.

“Like today.”

— uncle scott and the Hounds of Love

 

 

Everything That Can Be

 

In 1899, Charles Duell, the Commissioner of the U.S. Patent Office, was famously quoted as saying that the office could be closed because “Everything that can be invented  has been invented.”

Turns out the quote belonged to a clerk at the office. And, despite the hypocrisy (after all, I’d be dead without inventions), I’m beginning to see kid’s point. Inventions of late seem awfully one-tracked: To get ads in front of people. It’s made for a new generation of oxymorons, like personal computers and smartphones.

But Teddy and Esme have shown me the upside of technology. Recently, the HB hit a benchmark; more than 10,000 page views.

Of course, 10,000 people haven’t looked at the website. But thanks to spam emails hoping to inundate the inbox with diet pill and webcam ads, the number spiked. Which is why the site has no inbox. Or feedback forum, Contact Me link, About Us section or anything else that would approach commercial website success. She is the closest thing I can get to paper and real.

But automation, at least, has given the hounds their 15 minutes.

When you Google “Teddy and Esme,” not only are they the first reference to appear on on the Big Brother site; they’re the first two, competing with each other for the top spot. Sometimes it’s Ted. Sometimes it’s Ezzie. Even their movies sit atop Google Videos.

So, while they’re gassy and indifferent to the fame, let me serve as their talent manager in saying:

Thank you, spambots!