I have so many questions.

But first, congratulations, Melanie (Donnie copy edited this)! You turned 49 yesterday. Hope it was everything a woman dreams on the edge of a half century. I hear President Globular is even going to take his socks off during your birthday sex.

Now the questions:

Who the hell runs the White House Twitter feed? Apparently, Donnie was hosting some dignitaries Friday in another room when the shot was taken, but THIS is the pic you chose to officially wish Melania a Happy Birthday? You couldn’t find one of her on the crapper?

And what is she doing there, anyway? It’s your birthday, and hubby talked you into celebrating on a couch with paparazzi?

Finally, what did prez get her? My guess is an unsigned paperback copy of The Art of the Deal.

Now for something less distasteful: FactSlaps.

• The average U.S. gamer is 35 years old.
• China invests more each year in renewable power than any other country on earth.
• Iceland and Finland have the lowest infant mortality rate in the world.
• Macaulay Culkin was the first child actor to earn $1 million for a movie.
• Ta’u island in American Samoa runs on 100% solar energy.
• Of the 56 million abortions that take place worldwide every year, 45% are not considered safe by WHO standards.
• Sharks are older than trees.
• Older fish live longer if fed the feces of younger fish.