Tag Archives: factslaps

‘Perhaps He’s Dead, I’ll Just Make Sure’

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With 2020 barely on the calendar and impeachment barely heated up, it’s already clear 2020 will not be the year of seeing clearly. Despite that unpleasant reality, we want to begin the decade with a few Factslaps to at least get us off on a true start:

  • Google intends to scan all known existing 129 million unique books by the end of  2020.Image result for rare books
  • Finland is the world’s happiest country, according to the 2019 World Happiness Report.Image result for finland happy
  • Abraham Lincoln believed black people should not have the right to vote, serve on juries, or intermarry with whites.Image result for Abraham Lincoln believed black people should not have the right to vote, serve on juries, or intermarry with whites.
  • Mars has the largest dust storms in the Solar System. They can last for months and can cover the entire planet.Image result for mars dust storm
  • 51% of Americans fear snakes, most than any other thing in the world.Image result for fear of snakes
  • New Zealand’s native Maori make up only 15% of the population, but over 50% of the imprisoned population.Image result for maori new zealand
  • Mouse sperm is larger than elephant sperm.Image result for mouse and elephant
  • In the U.S., meat is treated with carbon monoxide to make it look fresh. Image result for meat carbon dioxide
  • Cows moo in accents specific to their region, just like humans.Image result for cows moo with regional accents
  • Thinking in a foreign language leads to better decisions.Image result for thinking in a foreign language leads to better decisions
  • Research shows that if you’re afraid of spiders, you’re more likely to find one in your bedroom.Image result for Research shows that if you're afraid of spiders, you're more likely to find one in your bedroom.

Behind the Boathouse, I’ll Show You My Dark Secret

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I’ve had a marsupial problem of late.

Technically, I guess it’s Esme with the problem. Lately, she’s been bringing baby possums into the house. She’s like a possum hoarder.

Perhaps it’s that the babies look like her fur toys. Maybe it’s her maternal instinct. Whatever the reason, she’s been taking to bringing them into my living room and just leaving the curled rat lookalikes in my living room, curled, apparently dead but not really. So far, she’s ferried three indoors.

Initially, I was horrified by what I thought was a rodent problem. The last thing I need is a rat cousin dropping by with its diseases and inquisitiveness and appetite.Opossum2

But then I began doing a little research, and now I just feel sorry for the little guys, which are most likely young ones who lost their grip on mom. I learned they’re not rodent at all, but pouch-equipped animals much like the kangaroo and koala bear.

What’s more, I learned that ‘playing possum’ is a misnomer. Turns out possums aren’t faking being unconscious; they really slip into mini-comas when they’re stressed or startled. They get what genteel Southern belles used to call ‘the vapors;’ they literally faint, sometimes for hours. And sure enough, after carrying the babies outside with a garden shovel and watching them through my patio door, I’d see them gently rouse from their comas and sluggishly walk into the darkness.

Now I can’t help but like the little guys. I mean, what a short stick they seemingly drew in the Darwin lottery. If your irresistible inclination is to faint when you’re approached by a predator, you’d think you wouldn’t be long for existence. But my assumptions were way off. In that spirit, this week’s Factslaps concern my new favorite marsupial:

  • AN OFFENSIVE ODOR SELLS THE POSSUM’S PERFORMANCE.

When they fall into a coma, a possum lays unconscious with its mouth open, teeth bared and tongue out. But a picture of a possum fainted doesn’t really do it justice. To get the full experience, you need to be standing over to it to smell the putrid odor it emits when pretending to be a corpse. The smelly substance it secretes from its anus is just one more reason for foxes and bobcats to look for their dinner elsewhere.Possum playing dead.

  • THEY SLOW THE SPREAD OF LYME DISEASE.

Even if possums aren’t the cutest creatures in the forest, they should be a welcome addition to your backyard. Unlike other mammals that carry ticks, and therefore spread Lyme Disease, possums gobble up 90 percent of the ticks that attach to them. According to the National Wildlife Federation, a single possum consumes 5,000 of the parasites per tick season. That means the more possums that are in your area, the fewer ticks you’ll encounter.

  • THEIR MEMORIES ARE SURPRISINGLY SHARP.

Possum looking up at table.

Possums have impressive memories—at least when it comes to food. Researchers found that possums are better at remembering which runway led to a tasty treat than rats, cats, dogs, and pigs. They can also recall the smell of toxic substances up to a year after trying them.
  • THEY’RE IMMUNE TO MOST SNAKE VENOM.

While most animals look at a snake and see danger, a possum sees its next meal. The animals are immune to the venom of nearly every type of snake found in their native range, the one exception being the coral snake. Possums take advantage of this adaptation by chowing down on snakes on a regular basis. Researchers have been trying to harvest possums’ antivenom powers for decades. A few years ago, a team of scientists made progress on this front when they recreated a peptide found in possums and and found that mice given the peptide and rattlesnake venom were successfully protected from the venom’s harmful effects.

  • THEY ALMOST NEVER GET RABIES.

While possums aren’t totally immune to rabies (a few cases have been documented), finding a specimen with the disease is extremely unlikely. Marsupials like possums have a lower body temperature than the placental mammals that dominate North America—in other words, their bodies don’t provide a suitable environment for the virus.

  • THEIR TAIL ACTS AS A FIFTH APPENDAGE.

Baby opossum hanging from a tree branch by its tail.

Possums are one of a handful of animals with prehensile tails. These appendages are sometimes used as an extra arm: They can carry grass and leaves for building nests or grip the sides of trees to provide extra stability while climbing. Baby possums can even use their tails to hang from branches upside down as they’re often depicted doing in cartoons. But it’s a myth that possums sleep this way: Their tails are only strong enough to hold them for a short amount of time.
  • THEY’RE CONSTANTLY SELF-GROOMING.

Thanks to their whole acting-and-smelling-like-a-corpse routine, opossums aren’t known as the most sanitary animals in nature. But they take cleanliness seriously: The Washington Department of Fish and Wildlife writes that possums, like house cats, use their tongue and paws to groom themselves frequently and thoroughly. Possums largely lack sweat glands, and this behavior is believed to help them cool down. It also has the added effect of rendering them odorless (when they’re not secreting stinky predator-repellent, that is).Image result for possum grooming

  • THEIR EYES AREN’T TOTALLY BLACK.

Close-up on opossum's face.

One of the opossum’s most recognizable features is its pair of opaque eyes. Opossum eyes do have whites and irises, but because their pupils are so large, their eyes appear completely black from a distance. The exaggerated pupil dilation is thought to help the nocturnal animals see after the sun goes down.

  • THEY’RE SOCIAL CREATURES.

It was long assumed that possums like to keep to themselves, but a study published in the journal Biology Letters suggests they have a social side. Researchers at the Federal University of Pernambuco in Recife, Brazil observed some possums in captivity sharing dens even if they weren’t mates. In one case, 13 white-eared opossums of various age groups were cohabiting the same space. The scientists suspect that male and female possums living in the wild may even build nests together as a way to trigger the female’s reproductive hormones.

All the President’s Molesters

‘I have 28 girls coming. … Donald, this is supposed to be a party with VIPs. You’re telling me it’s you and Epstein?’ — George Houraney, a Florida-based businessman, to Trump back in 1992 about an event he had organized at the future president’s request, according to the New York Times.

The exclusive “calendar girl” party at Trump’s Mar-a-Lago resort, which he’d purchased seven years earlier, was apparently even more exclusive than Houraney had expected when he put it together — Jeffrey Epstein, Trump and the women. That’s it.

“I said, ‘Look, Donald, I know Jeff really well, [and] I can’t have him going after younger girls,’” the party planner recalled. “He said, ‘Look I’m putting my name on this. I wouldn’t put my name on it and have a scandal.’ ”

After the party, Trump spoke with New York Magazine. “I’ve known Jeff for 15 years. Terrific guy,” Trump said. “He’s a lot of fun to be with. It is even said that he likes beautiful women as much as I do, and many of them are on the younger side.”

‘Nuff said about President Pederast. At least until we pivot from ‘alleged victims’ to ‘alleged rapist.’ Instead, let’s find closure in something far less sleazy, Factslaps:

  • Thomas Jefferson believed the Constitution should expire every 19 years and be replaced with a new one more suitable for the current generation.
  • A grizzly bear has to eat almost 20,000 calories a day.Image result for grizzly bear
  • The U.S. joined Syria and Nicaragua as the only nations that aren’t part of the Paris agreement to limit carbon emissions.
  • Pluto never made a full revolution around the sun while it was still considered a planet.Image result for pluto
  • There are only 3 countries in the world that don’t offer paid maternity leave:Suriname, Papua New Guinea and the United States.
  • An Octopus doesn’t have 8 arms, but 6 arms and 2 legs.
  • The last war chief of the Crow Tribe captured 50 horses from the Germans in World War II.Image result for The last war chief of the Crow Tribe captured 50 horses from the Germans in World War II.
  • Cockroaches can make group decisions. When 50 cockroaches are presented with 3 shelters that can only house 40, they’ll split evenly into two groups and leave one shelter empty.
  • The Eiffel Tower was built for the 1889 Paris Exposition and was not intended to be permanent.Image result for eiffel tower
  • The U.S. spends $500 million annually on military marching bands. That’s more than Ethiopia’s total military expenditure in 2015.Image result for military marching band
  • More than $80 of every $100 of wealth created in 2017 went to the richest 1%.Image result for $100 bill