Stop me if you’ve heard this before…

A billionaire with no heartfelt party alliance and no experience in federal government runs for president, seemingly on a whim, leaving pundits muttering and late night comedians laughing all the way to the bank. Give up (you know, in case you didn’t read the headline or look at the picture)?

Meet Michael Bloomberg. We’re going on the record: Keep an eye on Michael Bloomberg.

I know, I know. He’s garnered little more than asterisk-level coverage in his campaign for president. CNN and MSNBC — when they can wrench themselves from impeachment proceedings — prefer to focus on his abysmal poll numbers in Iowa and New Hampshire (one story had him polling in the negative digits, if that’s even possible). Late night hosts have been particularly “woke” about his candidacy, making profitable hay out of a tired lament: “Do we really need another rich dude running for president?” (Side note to the jokesters: They’re all rich.)

And this is in NO way an endorsement for him as president, nor even the Democratic candidate for high office. We gave up forecasting in 2016.

In truth, I don’t think President Fuckface von Shitstick will turn over the keys to the White House, even if he loses the popular and electoral vote in double landslides. The guy denies the legitimacy of the 2016 election — which he won. Can anyone envision a scenario where Trump does not claim the election fraudulent? The real question America may have to answer, however difficult the question, is this: What do we do when the Commander-in-Chief tells one portion of the government to ignore another? What happens when Trump orders the military to act against The Department of Justice? Keep an eye on that, too.

But this piece is meant more as a reminder about those who forget history. And political pundits are doing an awfully good imitation lately of Sammy Jankis, the murderer with short-term amnesia in Memento.

Maybe they haven’t seen the movie, but, spoiler alert, bad things happen when something slips Sammy’s mind.

Bad things (namely, looking inept before national audiences) may await observers who scoff at Bloomberg’s run. Forget polls. Let’s consider a few realities of the race and the political landscape that hosts it:

• We laughed at Donald Trump’s candidacy, too. Enough said.
• We have put the White House up for sale. Contemporary politics have always been modulated by bank balances, but 2016 became the year when celebrity and wealth were the only predicate requirements for president. And Bloomberg is buying up airtime like Monopoly houses. Bloomberg has outspent on television ads more than all the top-polling Democrats combined– a figure that has eclipsed $120 million, already a record for a presidential race. This week, he announced plans to donate $10 million to help shore up vulnerable House Democrats being targeted by allies of  Trump because of the ongoing impeachment inquiry. Think they’ll turn on him?
• Bloomberg remembers the flyover states. Friends from Michigan to Arkansas have reported seeing Bloomberg ads — but not one from any Democratic opponents, who are apparently focused on the state on the day calendar. Hillary Clinton also forgot Michigan.
• Trump is scared of Bloomberg. You can measure Trump’s jealousy with a pretty simple metric: He does something. He’s being impeached because his fear of Biden sent him bribing. Last month, his administration banned Bloomberg News from attending official events because Bloomberg announced he will not run journalism hit pieces on Democratic opponents. You can argue the merits of the policy, but it’s hard to argue that Trump isn’t noticing.

The 24/7’s have spent what little time they dedicate to Bloomberg questioning why he’s running in an already saturated race. My question is: Why wouldn’t he?

Imagine, for a moment, you have $51 in your savings account and run a business. And a political strategist comes to you and says: “For $1, you can run for president. You’ll become a bigger celebrity than you are now. You will hold rallies in front of throngs of people who love you. Your business will inherit more publicity than you could get through prime time ad buys. And you get to get Donald Trump alone in a ring. Oh, and you’d be the most powerful person on Earth.” Would you decline?

That’s essentially the offer made to Bloomberg, whose $51 billion net worth will barely feel the list of  a presidential run (much of which will be funded by donors anyway). Next time you see a Bloomberg ad or listen to a spokesman, see if a through-line doesn’t emerge: The ads and strategy clearly come from a businessman who considers Trump an economic idiot and a shitstain on the reputation of billionaires.

But do his motives even matter? The truth is, the Left would support Anthony Weiner’s ball sac if it out-polled the president.

And think of the theater if Bloomberg won the nomination! Debates would be like simulcast UFC bouts. Unlike the other candidates, Bloomberg is someone Trump envies. We can make a pretty safe bet Trump doesn’t envy homosexuals. Bernie’s too blue collar. And you can bet money Trump would rather pimp out Ivanka than be a minority or female.

Bloomberg, however, is the only candidate who actually is a billionaire. And while Trump was spouting debunked conspiracy theories on the Howard Stern Show during the post 9/11 maelstrom, Bloomberg was leading the city through three terms and becoming a hero in the president’s birth state. Plus, Mikey would have the ultimate debate-clincher if he makes his taxes public. Were he somehow cornered by Trump in a debate, all he need do is produce a photocopy of his W-2 and say: “This is what a billionaire’s tax return looks like. What does yours look like, bitch?”

That last addendum is just a visceral add. But the notion of taking Bloomberg seriously is not. There will be oodles of time to debate policy. But for now, let’s forget about tax reform, healthcare overhauls and economic and foreign strategies. Let’s start with some baby steps toward reason, whoever leads us.

In our last presidential election, we decided to lick the frozen telephone pole and see what it would be like to choose the evil of two lessers. Our first order of business should be to go cold turkey on that disastrous practice.