Tag Archives: bible

The Holy Isms

The Book of Genesis · The Biblical Defense of Slavery · Union to Disunion


“Let the woman learn in silence with all subjection. But I suffer not a woman to teach, nor to usurp authority over the man, but to be in silence. For Adam was first formed, then Eve. And Adam was not deceived, but the woman being deceived was in the transgression.”  Tim. 2:11-14


“Slaves, obey your earthly masters with fear and trembling, with a sincere heart, as you would Christ.” Ephesians 6:5

With the gunfire of Kenosha still ringing in our ears, I am hearing a lot lately about systemic injustice in America. Systemic racism. Systemic sexism.

The question runs so deep it has birthed the only two political movements to find footing in the past decade for Democrats: The #MeToo and Black Lives Matter movements. As we bear down on a presidential election, we find ourselves grappling with just how racist and sexist we are, at almost every level of American society: economically, politically, even constitutionally.

What we seem determined not to examine is the racism and sexism rampant in our core belief system.

After all, it’s verboten to attack someone’s faith. That’s a private matter, we’re told. One of personal conscience (as opposed to, say, your occupation). Religion has always gotten a pass in this area.

But we can afford no more Get Out Of Jail Free cards when it comes to matters of faith. If we are going to honestly reflect on our biases as human beings, how can we not include an examination of the foundational system that underpins all subsystems?

Yet I’ve heard no academic, politician or member of either political movement suggest looking into religion’s role in the glacial political advances for women and people of color in America. Does it really feel like we’ve made more than a half-century’s worth of progress since the Voting Rights Act of 1965?

Consider race relations, arguably as raw and divided as the 60’s. I recently watched Good Trouble, Apple’s terrific documentary about John Lewis.

John Lewis: Good Trouble | A Magnolia Pictures Film | NOW AVAILABLE  EVERYWHERE

The film is full of touching moments, including of Ebenezer Baptist Church, where Lewis and Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. sought guidance from the Bible.

But there’s no acknowledgement of the passages that sit just a few pages away from the beautiful hymns and gospels that inspire the men in the movie. Passages like Exodus 21:20-21:

“When a man strikes his slave, male or female, with a rod and the slave dies under his hand, he shall be avenged. But if the slave survives a day or two, he is not to be avenged, for the slave is his money.”

I wonder how they viewed God’s warranty on slightly-used humans for sale. I wonder if contemporary leaders do at all.

This is from the MeToo Movement website: “To support and activate survivors, The ‘me too’ Movement engages an innovative model of survivor leadership with a ‘whole-self approach’ to healing from sexual violence, that grows out of understanding survival. Pathways to healing must include wrap-around interventions and support mechanisms to best embrace survivors as their whole selves. This includes healing through engagement in community organizing, where survivors are empowered to fight sexual violence with courage and conviction.”

Me Too movement: From Weinstein to Kavanaugh, change for women, LGBTQ?

Does “engagement in community organizing” include engaging with Bible-thumping communities? If so, what if that community of textualists believes Leviticus 12:1-14:

A woman who becomes pregnant and gives birth to a son will be ceremonially unclean for seven days, just as she is unclean during her monthly period.

Can we really move forward with those fallen trees in the path? Just how far can women and minorities expect to go on a trail carved out for a supernatural white patriarchy?

Alternately, consider the two successful political movements over the past decade for Republicans: Trumpism and QAnon. Unlike their Democratic counterparts, the right-wing ideologies do not clash with any of their top-down hierarchies in a religious worldview. If anything, they enforce them.

And look at the difference in reception. Women and minority rights remain a top priority for Democrats, but the left still struggles with the kindling. Trumpism and QAnon, meanwhile, have sparked like a September pine.

If we are really serious about changing the way we see each other, we have to start with the labels sewn into the cloth of religious identity. The patrons of #MeToo and Black Lives would be well-served asking if they really want the Iron Age goat shepherds who authored the Bible writing their playbook as well.

Holy Shit

 

I don’t have a social media account, which not only makes me a dinosaur, but something of a hypocrite. Because I can no more stay away from Trump’s tweets than I can half-off candy.

And this was his latest gumdrop:

Donald J. Trump

The tweet came from, where else, Fox & Friends, the television’s version of Pravda.
The Trumptards had North Dakota Republican Rep. Aaron McWilliams on the program, touting his sponsorship of a bill to support Bible literacy in the classrooms of his state.

In addition, they brayed, five other states are considering similar measures: Missouri, Indiana, West Virginia, Virginia and Florida.That was enough to get Trump’s sausage fingers a flyin.’ Which will, very likely, get his base in other states to demand similar proposals.

Let’s set aside any legal questions, which interest our president as much reading. Let’s also ignore the fact that the U.S. Constitution, in calling for a separation of church and state, does not use the word “God” once in its text.

Instead, let’s frame this proposition from a religious standpoint. Let’s go further: we’ll tackle the issue as believers, giving as much benefit of the doubt as academically feasible. We’ll even accept the good book is not only accurate, but an acceptable role model for our children, just to appease Bible thumpers.

The question, then, is this: which of its literary passages should the kiddos learn? We’ll tackle only the biggest, as the Bible is rife with innumerable inconsistencies, contractions, and historical and scientific inaccuracies within its covers. I guess that’s to be expected, perhaps even accepted, considering it was written by first century illiterate goat shepherds.

First, the ten commandments, namely the one purists love to point to as the moral compass for humanity. Here’s number six:Image result for the ten commandments

Thou shalt not kill.

Seems reasonable enough. But will we redact the chapter where the priestly tribe of the Levites was instructed to punish anyone who insisted on sticking to their pagan idolatry? Image result for tribe of the Levites draw swords

Thus sayeth the Lord God of Israel, Put every man his sword by his side. and slay ever man, his brother, companion, neighbor. — Exodus 32:27

Now onto a common theme of the Bible: rape. The Bible’s rules on rape are laid out clearly in Deuteronomy: pay the father of the violated woman, who must marry her rapist — and who will not be free of him until he croaks:Image result for Deuteronomy rape

The third instruction of that list of golden rules says:

If a man happens to meet a virgin who is not pledged to be married and rapes her and they are discovered, he shall pay her father fifty shekels of silver. He must marry the young woman, for he has violated her. He can never divorce her as long as he lives. — Deuteronomy chapter 22.

A shekel of silver is worth $320 in today’s U.S. currency. That’s $16,000 per rape.

It gets better. Old Deuter (sorry, Lebowski) later tosses out the recompense entirely if the rapist is arrested and victim identified:

If a man happens to meet in a town a virgin pledged to be married and he sleeps with her, you shall take both of them to the gate of that town and stone them to death—the young woman because she was in a town and did not scream for help, and the man because he violated another man’s wife. You must purge the evil from among you. — Deuteronomy verse 29

And I’ll guess we’ll have to omit the 13th Amendment of the Constitution altogether during civics class, because the Bible has a lot to say about slavery, and none of it holy. The Bible describes Timothy as a righteous missionary and good friend friend of the Apostle Paul who warranted his own byline and quote in the good book: 

All who are under the yoke of slavery should consider their masters worthy of full respect, so that God’s name and our teaching may not be slandered. — Timothy 6:1

To make the sure point was not lost on the heathens, Paul and Timmy co-wrote this gem: Image result for apostle paul and timothy

Slaves, obey your earthly masters in everything; and do it, not only when their eye is on you and to curry their favor, but with sincerity of heart and reverence for the Lord. — Colossians 3:22

One of these days I’m going to quit reading Trump’s twit tweets. I swear to god.

Wanted: Converts with a Conscience

 

I was watching an episode of Counting Cars (it’s fascinating, even if I don’t understand half of what they say). This guy was getting a tattoo of the Second Amendment inked over his right shoulder. He mentioned he’d like a tandem car, one with  flags, slogans, Constitutional snippets and a Minuteman, flexing like a Mr. Universe contestant,  sneering over the hood. The guy wanted it to be the muscle of all muscle cars. Up to $120,000. He should have included at least a teeny thank-you to the First Amendment, which gives all Americans the right to be stupid.

Second-Amendment--270x156

Still, should a passing pigeon decide to bless you with a liquid-marshmallow breakfast on your Corvette hood, there’s not a gun in the world that will shoot that holy water from the sky.

But I have a right, as well. And, as an ordained minister (credentialed in Arkansas, for god’s sake; you really haven’t heard of Google, huh?), I herby announce the birth of Aesopism. So I guess our Holy Day will be May 2nd (4:32 p.m., Pacific Coast Time).

Like the bible, torah and koran and tipitaka, there shall be an Aesoptic Sacred Text, The Fable of the Sun and North Wind. Unlike those insomnia-fixers, ours shall be simple.

It is a well-known Aesop fable, but our religion shall also be accurate. The text is below:

The Sun and North Wind had a bet over who was stronger. To settle the wager, they tried to remove a man’s cloak. The Wind blew as hard as it could, trying to whip it, force it off the human. But the harder it blew, the tighter the man clung. The Sun slowly warmed the man until he removed the cloak.

That’s it. The only Aesopian code of conduct.

Should the believer choose (choice underscores all preachings), there is an Optional Dining Grace: “Blessed Whatzit, thank you for today, and please let us chew your bounty with closed mouths.”

We accept all faiths, creeds, colors, sexes, genders, life choices and hairstyles. Animals, too, and all shall be eligible for the Aesopian highest order:  The Sinning-But-Trying.

Being forward-thinking, we shall have a slogan, perfect for bumper stickers: “Like religion, without the dummies.”

There shalt be but One Commandment: Thou shalt not selfie.

Our gospel and chorus are below: