Mirnyy The presidential race is already too crowded, so I’m not going to nominate this woman for that feeding frenzy. But we in the media owe readers more proof that the human race can rise to the cause.
In this case, the ascension occurred last week, at a Kansas City, MO Quick Trip convenience store, where Danielle Reno met her husband for a custody exchange of their daughter. The exchanges were always amicable, but brief. And this was no different.
But in the moments it took for the handoff, Danielle realized her Toyota 4Runner that she left running was gone — along with her purse, cell phone, cash and the beaded necklace her daughter made for her, which she always kept hanging on the rear view mirror.
“I got out of the car for two seconds and grabbed my daughter, turned around, and my car was gone,” Reno told KCTV in Kansas City. “‘Did I park somewhere else? No. I know I parked here.’ And then I’m like, ‘Somebody stole my car.’ It was all downhill from there.”
Reno reported the theft to police, who reacted as police do to most car thefts: opened a case no one was going to waste time investigating.
So Reno, who has no police experience, took an unusual step: She did something. After filing the report, she went home and activated her “Find My Iphone” app on her iPad. It led her to a home belonging to a woman nicknamed “Taco Bell,” for some reason. Maybe Del Taco was taken.
When she got to the house, Reno knew something was amiss. Bell gave her a bullshit answer, claiming she didn’t take the 4Runner, but that she thought she saw it in her neighborhood. When Reno told police, who went to Bell’s home, Bell dropped that detail and claimed no knowledge of the theft whatsoever.
Reno then went to the Quick Trip store where the car was stolen. The cashier said that Bell was a regular there; in fact, he overheard her say she was dining at an Applebee’s that night. Problem was, Kansas City has as many Applebees as huckleberries, and the cashier didn’t know which one the rotund robber was referring to.
So Reno called her friends and her sister, and asked them to help her by dining at the multiple Applebee’s (where you’re “Eatin’ Good in the Neighborhood!”) around the convenience store. All agreed (that, Moscow Mitch, is called cooperation. Say it with me.) 
So Reno and the ladies enjoyed their Riblet Platters, Shrimp Fajitas and Taco Topped Queso and Chips — while doubling as stakeout cops.
Lo and behold, Bell waddled into Reno’s selected restaurant — after exiting Reno’s gray 4Runner. Reno sneaked out of the restaurant and “stole” her car back. While the car was full of beer cans in the backseat, Reno found everything except the cash: the purse, the phone and, most importantly, her daughter’s necklace. She drove about a mile away to alert police, who descended on the restaurant. I mean, where was tubby gonna go? The car was gone, and she couldn’t call an Uber.
Like I said, the presidential election is overcrowded as it is. But maybe local politics are in her future. It just so happens the Missouri governor, Republican Eric Greitens, is a douchebag. In January, he admitted an extramarital affair with a hairdresser, and is now being investigated on claims he threatened to publish nude photos of the woman if she ever went public with the trysts. 
Riblet, anyone?
