I’m loathe the criticize my brethren in the legit .media, given the weeks of late we’ve had: Jamal Khashoggi’s assassination, the CNN mail bomb attempt, Trump’s revocation of press credentials of any reporter who is multi-syllabic.
But I gotta say, press guys, come on. Don’t give into the retardation. Namely: please give us respite from our latest tired cliches: “Words matter” and “constitutional crisis.”
The first is a no-brainer, made popular among the 24/7s with Chris Cuomo’s attempt to make himself a catch phrase phrase. Now his colleagues are citing it, and I even heard an MSNBC anchor use it after a particularly vitriolic Trump speech.
What a bullshit term. That’s like saying “goodness is good.” Of course words matter. They make up your favorite book. Your favorite movie, TV show and song, too. How about something more, perhaps, specific, like “he’s grossly overstating the numbers,” or “that’s not in keeping with a speech he gave yesterday” or even “That’s simply not true.” You know, context. They beat platitudes like a rented mule.
The second nascent trope is “Constitutional crisis.” This is more nuanced, but no less confounding. Worse, not only are journalists dropping it like an 8-year-old with a new curse word; they’re allowing politicians from both parties to use it as an escape hatch from tough questioning. Top GOP leaders, in particular, love to prattle on that, for instance, Trump’s ending of the Mueller probe would pose an unacceptable “Constitutional crisis.”
What the fuck does that mean? That Trump is suffocating the Constitution with a pillow? That he’s holding the only copy, with a lit match inches away? This part is just journalistic laziness. How about an explainer of what the crisis actually constitutes? Possible arrests? Riots? Regime change? Marxism 2.0? Democrats are enjoying the term equally, because it allows them the false impression they would do anything to resolve it, despite their impotence.
Even when reporters do examine the term, they explain little. MSNBC loves to fantasize about possible Republican repercussions, especially impeachment. They must have lost count in the Senate.
But let’s indulge Rachel Maddow for a second, to her heart’s content. Say the House opened an investigation that not only proved collusion, but that he murdered five people to boot. Arrest, conviction, the whole kaboodle. 
Problem is, American judicial convictions are allowed appeal, all the way up to the….wait for it…the Supreme Court. And given Ruth Bader Ginsburg’s frail health and Sandra Day O’Connor’s Alzheimer’s diagnosis, we could be looking at seven of the nine Supreme Court Justices leaning decidedly conservative. Do we really expect rulings against the GOP?
How about a couple simple follow up questions, comrades: “How do you define a Constitutional crisis, and what do you plan to do about it?” Just a thought.
But there’s a brilliant silver lining: you. We saw it in the midterms, along with the Pouter-in-Chief’s panicked firing of Jeff Sessions the day after elections to quash the probe. Trump sees the corner nearing as the paint spreads. And given the tone of a very pissed House, expect investigations as regular as episodes of Celebrity Apprentice.
Forget Constitutional crisis. Let’s keep our eyes peeled for an existential one.
And now for the less crisis-y: Factslaps:
A good lie is better than a bad truth.
Don’t believe it? Your wife buys a dress that looks more like a mumu for a manatee. “Does this make me look fat?” she asks you. The prosecution rests.
Stupidly, I’ve passed that tidbit on to several people, including my mother. Now every time I open my mouth, I can see the suspicion in their eyes, like I’m about to offer them investment opportunities in Nigerian royalty (which is bullshit; New York bridges are my wares of choice).
We won’t need to worry about deception, though, on midterm Tuesday. You see, a bad lie is also better than a bad truth, making this one of the most honest elections America will ever hold.
I know it’s counter-intuitive, but consider: Our president claims he had the largest inauguration crowd in history. That tells us he didn’t. That he knows the best words. That tells us he doesn’t. That he doesn’t collude for profit. We know that’s nyet true. The Washington Post recently reported that Trump “has made 6,420 false or misleading claims over 649 days.”
First, wow. That takes focus.
Second, that’s actually a blessing for us. If you know someone abhors truth, you’re armed with a double-negative knowledge of truth. If, say, Trump claims in his rallies that the South American caravan poses an imminent national security risk, we know that it must not. If Trump says he believes the Saudi crown prince knew nothing of the assassination of Jamal Khashoggi, then we know he ordered the hit. 
Through his habitual lying, we get a crystal clear portrait of the man — and his party.
This election, the divisions are equally clear, the choices similarly stark. How do you feel about the wall? Republicans and Democrats are clear on the issue. Same with #metoo, white nationalism, immigration, abortion, gay rights, and yaddy. Trump’s diarrhea of the mouth has forced Republicans to take a stand, pick a side (the only Republican to challenge the party leader is dead). 
This is how elections should be. Not clouded by mealy-mouthed lackeys hoping not to offend. But offering the electorate a chance to pick a team, suit up and clash on the field — well aware of the other team’s playbook and strategy.
Which leads to the most frightening truth about playing poker with the cards face up: Whatever the outcome, we have it coming.
And now for some good truths, Factslaps:
