Author Archives: Scott Bowles

America has a chip addiction.

And I’m not talking about Pringles. I mean, sure, I love ’em. Who doesn’t? Some even say you can get a fever for the flavor. But it’s social snacking only. I can stop anytime I please. Get off my back about it, ok? Why’d you even bring it up? I don’t need a nap, you need a nap!

I forgot what I was talking about… Oh yeah! I’m talking about the chips that sit on our shoulders. The ones that make for such good drama, inspire athletes, drive the determined to greatness.

It can also make you a frightening asshole.

For years, we’ve abided the assholery, even glorified it. What Hollywood entertainment does not hinge on the little guy being wronged, only to mete out home-cooked vengeance? Charles Bronson, Jackie Chan, Jason Statham and innumerable more discovered that revenge is not a dish best served cold, but with prospects for a sequel.

And now we see politics trying to similarly franchise itself. This time, by posing as a one-size-fits-all costume for the aggrieved.

It’s hard to imagine how a chip addiction occurs across every demographic of the country. But the president made it clear in political rallies this summer for his very pale fanbase: Democrats are stealing your country; Immigrants are stealing your jobs; Black athletes are stealing your flag’s dignity.

You, the Pouter-in-Chief admonishes, should be more pissed about getting screwed. At a recent rally in North Dakota, he employed the tired-but-dependable stratagem of “Pssst, people are talking about you and they think you’re stupid.”

“We got more money,” Trump said, though I’m not sure the median income in North Dakota. “We got more brains, we got better houses and apartments, we got nicer boats, we’re smarter than they are and they say they’re the elite. You’re the elite, we’re the elite. Let’s call ourselves, from now on, the super elite.”

That super-elite status has energized the super-entitled. Frat boys are hitting Pier One for protest tiki torches. Jordan Peterson, a Canadian professor who specializes in neo-psychobabble, has become a bestselling author with a singular message: Whitey needs to man up. Fox News, in particular, has found ratings gold in redefining the GOP as the Grand Old Pariahs. Tucker Carlson actually hosted a segment on the societal assault on American men. Building glass ceilings, you see, is apparently hazardous duty. You could get a nasty shard.

It’s even seeped into sports. Free agency has made the hometown athlete as quaint as a phone booth, except more rare. We prefer pulling against a team than rooting for one. Tony Kornheiser, a talking head on ESPN, insisted in a segment that the New York Yankees needed to be atop the standings, for the good of the sport. “Baseball,” he said, “needs someone to hate.”

Maybe. Personally, I don’t see a shortage of people to resent. Starting with those Pringles critics. How I loathe them.

It Is Not Dying.

To hell with Trump. To hell with Congress. To hell with Supreme Courts.

Time for a reason for tomorrow.

1. Many of the rescued Thai boys did not know how to swim and were given anti-anxiety medications before being helped out by divers.

2. It took 11 hours for a diver to make the five-mile round trip to reach the boys.

3. All the while, hundreds of gallons of water were being pumped out of the cave — the equivalent of 48 Olympic-sized swimming pools in a 75-hour period. In an effort to stop the flooding, authorities also dammed streams that flowed into the caves. Natural shafts that dumped water into the caves were also plugged.

4. Divers used “Heyphones,” a 20-year-old technology, to communicate with the rescue base. The ultra-low frequency transmitters are able to penetrate through rock and send divers’ locations and messages.

5. Approximately 90 divers were involved in the rescue. About 50 were foreigners.

6. Rescuers transferred about 100 oxygen tanks to the cave to help improve the air supply. Thai diver PO Saman Gunan had been helping transfer the tanks when he got into difficulties on the way back and did not have enough air himself. He died after losing consciousness in one of the passageways and his colleagues could not revive him.

When the Sun Hits Your Eye Like a Baked Apple Pie

It was 117 degrees here yesterday.

If I hear one more newscaster, shop keep or friendly passerby say ‘At least it’s a dry heat,’ I’m going to lose what’s left of my unmelted mind. Microwaves cook with a dry heat, too. They’ll still detonate your goddamn corn.

Now for something a little cooler, factslaps:

The only difference between fog and mist is visibility: if you can’t see more than 100 metres ahead, it’s fog, not mist.
Prior to 1868, eating meat from four legged animals had been prohibited in Japan for more than a thousand years.
The Dutch army had only one tank during WWII.
Most Americans can buy an AR-15 rifle before they can legally buy a beer.
Japanese manufacture Toto built a motorcycle that runs on poop.
Al Pacino turned down the role of Han Solo in the Star Wars franchise.
Porsche’s first car, in 1898, was electric.
The Mayor of Bogotá, Colombia, once hired 420 mimes artists to make fun of traffic violators because he believes Colombians fear ridicule more than being fined.
A study says 13.9 million people call in sick or arrive late to work the day after the Super Bowl.
The Nazis are believed to have sterilized 400,000 Germans deemed to have lives not worth living.
Scooby Doo, Where Are You! was originally called Who’s S-S-Scared?
The cities of Jericho, Luxor, Damascus, Byblos and Beirut have been continuously inhabited for more than 5,000 years.
One of the oldest species of animal still with us are the horseshoe crabs who appeared 445 million years ago. They’ve survived for 75% of the entire span of animal life on the planet.
The Nigerian film industry, or Nollywood, is the second largest in the world in terms of numbers of films produced.
In 1996, Australia enacted strict gun laws. It had no mass shooting since.