Author Archives: Scott Bowles

The Royal Nap

Mto wa Mbu How to Take the Perfect Nap - ElementalI’ve seen people doing some crazy shit while in lockdown during the pandemic: salsa lessons in the mirror; workouts with pumpkins; reading.

Ironically, the one thing we aren’t doing seems to be getting rest.

It’s understandable. COVID-19 is a wicked bender. Sundays blend to Mondays, work to weekends, weeks to months, Julys to Novembers (just watch).

In response, I propose we treat a forgotten luxury more luxuriously: the common nap.

We take them for granted. Grab them on the fly. Squeeze one in when we can find the time (which somehow still seems limited).

Instead, how about making a ritual of the routine? After all, there will come a time, COVID or not, when we will not be able to indulge the indulgence. So while we’re at it, how about recognizing the baffling beauty of a sun-dappled nod-off?

Consider the difficulty Americans have with the nation of slumber. We can’t fall asleep. We can’t wake up. Our mattresses suck (if you believe those Sealy pawns). Our sleep numbers are off.How to Fall Asleep: 8 Sleep Hacks for Falling Asleep Faster - Purple

Why, then, are naps so easy? Is it the guilty pleasure, the feeling we’re getting away with something? Is our circadian rhythm naturally set to siestas? Whatever the reason, the time has come to make naps as celebrated a ritual as a formal dinner. So here’s a how-to guide to a fully-experienced drift: (Note, this can only be done with a cooperating child, mate or pet that will allow you 1.5-2 hours of unadulterated dozing):

  • Set the thermostat to 5 degrees below normal.
  • With the lights out, take a warm shower.
  • Don’t soap or shampoo. You can do that another time. Instead, close your eyes and imagine yourself as the granite beneath a cascading waterfall. Hear the rush. Feel the rush.The Most Beautiful Waterfalls in the World | Slideshow | The ...
  • Stay as long as you wish. Indulge the water. This is The Royal Nap.
  • When you’ve felt the tensions largely leave your body, get out, dry and put on your favorite undergarments.
  • Go to the coolest, darkest room in your home. Close the door. Seal out all light.
  • Turn on a fan; generate white noise and a breeze.
  • Lay face down in the bed, even if don’t sleep face down.
  • Close your eyes.
  • Begin the checklist: from your eyelids to your toes, think of every body part as you mentally scan down. Release the tension in every muscle. Relax every joint. Tips for Those Who Sleep on Their Stomach
  • Begin to feel the weight of your limp body. Feel every limb become leaden, loose and heavy as you sink deeper and deeper into the mattress.
  • Think about breathing through your nose, about how you seem to sink a little lower, weigh a little more, with each full breath out.
  • Finally, shift to the side you sleep on. It should be a little effort to even roll over now. 
  • Settle into the covers, into the bed, into the bliss of unconsciousness.
  • Feel the weight of your steady exhalations. Feel the sinking…
  • …and have a good nap…

Don’t Masquerade with the Guy in Shades, Oh No

Super Tuesday: Joe Biden fundraisers see surge in new donor ...

In honor of National Sunglasses Day, which occurred this weekend, we present FactSlaps, the Ray Ban remix. And don’t forget to check out the link below for a word from our sponsored (though we don’t carry shades…yet).

  • The first sunglasses were invented sometime in 12th century China as a crude slab of smoked quartz held against the face to block sunlight. These darkened lenses, made only for the very wealthy, were not vision-corrected, nor did they protect against harmful UV rays. They were also worn by judges in Chinese courts to conceal their facial expressions while questioning witnesses.A Brief History of Sunglasses – Sunglass Museum
  • In 1929, Sam Foster sold the first pair of sunglasses, Foster Grants, at the Woolworth on Atlantic City Boardwalk. He started the Foster Grant Company in 1919 to make combs.Foster Grant Sunglasses - $0.10 each" - Foster Grant
  • In 1936, Edwin H. Land combined his lens making skills with his patented Polaroid filter, creating the first polarized “sunnies.”Polaroid | Harvard Business School: Invention of the Polarizer
  • With the impending World War II in 1936, Ray-Ban designed anti-glare aviator style sunglasses, using polarized lens technology created by Edwin H. Land, founder of the Polaroid Corporation. They also developed a slightly drooping frame perimeter to maximally shield an aviator’s eyes, which repeatedly glanced downward toward a plane’s instrument panel. Fliers were issued the glasses at no charge, and the public in 1937 was able to purchase the model that banned the sun’s rays as Ray-Ban aviator sunglasses.History Of The Ray Ban Aviator Sunglasses | MurrayandHaggerty
  • Ray-Ban sold 10 million units worldwide in 1998. The best-known model, the Wayfarer, has been available since 1953 and is reported to be the best-selling style in history. It was made famous by many celebrities including the Blues Brothers.What Sunglasses Did The Blues Brothers Wear? - Sunglasses and ...
  • With more than 1,000 and counting, Elton John is rumored to have the largest personal collection of sunshades.Elton John glasses: An evolution of the star's most outlandish ...
  • Most characters from the movie The Matrix wore sunglasses. Interestingly, all of the protagonists wear rounded lenses, while the antagonists wear rectangular lenses.The Matrix | Matrix Wiki | Fandom

Shameless self-promotion here.Front-product-preview

 

 

What We Tell Ourselves

The HB Liminal Times editor recently came across this kinda profound psychological test.

The results are a bit stilted, and aimed at a pretty specific demographic.

But the exercise is illuminating nonetheless, and serves as a kind of  omni-directional introspection. A Rorshach 2.0, or a Meyers-Briggs personality test — video edition, if you will. However you word it, it underscores the narrative we tell ourselves.Myers–Briggs Type Indicator - Wikipedia

It begins with a simple question: What do you say to yourself? How would you characterize your shortcomings? What emotions do you lament? What habits do you have that you consider loathsome?

Now look at a photo of your 8-year-old self. What would you say to yourself then? Would those criticisms still apply? Would the assessment change?

The video includes only female respondents — and seems aimed at prospective customers of self-help books, therapy, programs, etc. I’d love to see if men respond differently than women, and, if so, how so.

Regardless, it’s a terrific exercise in how we view ourselves, as it seems inevitable that the cost analysis of how we value our own stock will be modulated by it. I was surprised by the severity of the self-reviews in the video. The editor who found it was not.

But here’s what I’d say to my 8-year-old self:

  • You will face things that, on paper, are pretty scary. Sometimes they will seem unmanageable. They are only scary on paper, and there’s nothing that cannot be managed.
  • You will be loved in ways you cannot imagine.
  • You will still have fun, even as a grown-up, with toys. They’ll just cost more. But never stop playing with them.
  • And don’t be so embarrassed by your first name. One day, you’ll wish you used “Guy” more often, even though kids will tease you for the way teachers pronounce your name: “Gee, Scott Bowles.”