Author Archives: Scott Bowles

My Inventions List

7 Inventions that Changed the World we Live in | DocumentaryTube

Just as everyone should have a list of ransom demands, everyone should have an inventions list.

After all, it’s easy enough to bitch. Quite another to suggest ways to improve the world. I’m always puzzled by those who complain about a system and offer no solutions to improve it. Scientists call it Red State Reasoning.

And it’s not that hard to come up with an invention. You may do it every day. Maybe you use a bowl as an iPhone speaker. Or hang wrinkled clothes in the bathroom while you shower. Or  cut cake with dental floss.Slices of a rainbow layer cake.

The point is, chip in or shut the fuck up.

In that spirit, here are some of my current invention ideas. Patents not pending:

  • The Front Brake LightNew York City Busy Street Scene With Cars And People Along 3rd ...

Picture this: You want to turn right in your car down the busiest street in your town. Cars are flying. Then you see a car that appears to be slowing down, with its right turn signal on — apparently opening a lane for you to merge.

Then — pow! The driver had accidentally left the turn signal on. Why is it that the only angle that a driver, pedestrian or biker CANNOT tell whether a car is slowing down is when it’s headed directly at you? A simple brake light under each turn signal would, literally, save thousands of lives a year.

Similar in theory to the Front Brake Light. Why is it that the only way we discover when a brake or head light burns out is when someone tells us —  particularly a cop? We have a signal that indicates when our tire pressure is low. Surely it wouldn’t be hard to create a sensor when a bulb burns out.

  • SpravyTeddy | The HollywoodBowles - Page 4

Household pets are notoriously finicky eaters. Cats routinely go more than 3 days without eating, sometimes simply from a dietary or mealtime change.

Introducing Spravy, the spray-on gravy that softens and seasons kibble with  chicken-,  beef- or chicken-flavored juices. It could even be vitamin-enriched so pet zealouts can rest assured Mr. Mittens gets his daily recommended dose of iron and riboflavin. (I’m currently making Spravy out of the juice in chicken noodle soup.)

  • EvidentialismFaith and Science | World Science Festival

A secular faith-based system that posits that science is a faith. The premise is based on a single question: Who do you believe will cure COVID-19, science or a god? If the former, you’re either an atheist or Evidentialist.

  • Dead LineLegislative Serial Killers: CA Freelance Law Will Disembowel ...

A novel/movie with this as the premise: A rookie reporter is on his first big-city story. The story: Competing serial killers are taunting and one-upping each other through social and traditional media, tallying followers and granting anonymous interviews for bigger headlines. The twist: The reporter is one of the killers.

  • The Misfortune Cookie86 Of The Funniest Messages Found Inside Fortune Cookies | Bored Panda

We’re used to the astrologically bland futures as seen through the typical fortune cookie: A fresh start will put you on your way; A lifetime friend shall soon be made; A light heart carries you through all the hard times.

Introducing The Misfortune Cookie, perfect for college dorm deliveries, snarky late dinners and general sardonic revelry. Prognostications include: The fortune you seek is in another cookie; A closed mouth gathers no feet; Everyone at the table is judging you; You will die alone and poorly dressed.

Legal disclaimer: All inventions are hereby declared public domain, and may be stolen, pilched and turned-for-profit. The goal is not to stake a claim, but flex constructive brain muscles.

The Spectrum Algorithm

If you happen to be reading this, do yourself a favor: Stop reading this.

Instead, go to Netflix and cue up The Speed Cubers, the streaming service’s new documentary. Don’t read plot synopses, recaps, analyses or first reactions. It’s only 40 minutes long, so carve out the same attentive time you would for your favorite TV show. Then come back here. We can wait.

Did you see it? Liar. Seriously, go see it first.

The reason we’re being so pushy is because Cubers is one of those rare movies that to review it is to lessen it. Reviews require the very synopses and analyses that will to ruin the wondrous surprise the film holds for us. Cubers is not about what it appears, making it one of 2020’s best cinematic revelations.

Cubers begins wordlessly inside the 2017 World Rubik’s Cube Championships in Melbourne. A title sequence informs us that it takes the average person three hours to finish their first Rubik’s Cube.

Cubers do it in 7 seconds.Rubik's Cube: Records broken at UK championships - BBC News

Or, if you’re Max Park and Feliks Zemdegs, less. They are at the center of Cubers, but the film is about so much more than their prodigious talents.  More than their unlikely friendship. Instead, Cubers is ultimately about paying attention and raising kids right. By Hollywood standards, that’s about as rare as a silent film.

The movie briefly addresses the prowess of speedcubers. While most puzzle players memorize a handful of algorithms to solve the square, professional cubers memorize more than 300. Add to that the dexterity of card magicians, and speedcubers see a 7-second solve the way runners view a 4-minute mile: the gold standard.

But director Sue Kim deftly moves from puzzle to portrait, specifically an artful capture of the Park family: father Schwan, mother Miki and 17-year-old Max, who was born with autism. The parents poignantly recall the difficulties connecting with their son and the joy in finding a tool for Max to focus, socialize, excel.max-park-the-speed-cubers-1595535046093.png

The scenes here, of parents grappling with a child “on the spectrum,” make the film. Schwan has the eloquence of a poet, and Miki’s determination to get through to her son is a near-ballet of mirroring, comforting and occasionally consoling. Normally, parents get short shrift in Hollywood. They’re  oblivious (American Pie), absent (Home Alone) or overbearing (Meet the Parents).

Here they’re perfect — on both ends of the spectrum. At the other end sits Zemdegs, an equally astonishing 23-year-old. Feliks is one of the founding fathers of speedcubing, one of the first to measure problem-solving in seconds instead of minutes.

He’s as remarkable as Max. Despite wunderkind talent, Feliks — empowered by mother Rita, who took a Zen-like approach to her son’s obsessive cube fetish — seems profoundly at ease with his diminishing skills. He holds a full-time job, moves within a circle of friends and, most importantly, is proud to be a role model for Max and other cubers who worship his career. Every great athlete in any sport could take a cue from him.The Speed Cubers' Dives Into the Competitive World of Rubik's Cube ...

Speaking of sport, Cubers has a competition build-up that’s as dramatic as any sports showdown.  This is Rocky meets Chasing Bobby Fischer.max-park-the-speed-cubers-2-1595535104236.png

We won’t give anything away in terms of the championships, but the contests really don’t matter in The Speed Cubers. What matters are the relationships that spring from the competition. And, like a solved Rubik’s Cube, The Speed Cubers is a perfect little diversion, on every side.

Deja Viewed: Heart of Darkness

Heart of Darkness eBook by Joseph Conrad - 1230000037584 | Rakuten ...

“Mistah Kurtz — he dead!” — Heart of Darkness, 1899, Joseph Conrad

The 1970’s will forever be inscribed in Hollywood’s epochal calendar as the era of the ingenue: Directors like Coppola, Spielberg and Scorsese would find their early wheelhouses there with films that would permanently alter our definition of a movie hero.

But after a half-century of cultural wave-making, analyses and retrospection, perhaps Apocalypse Now, The Exorcist, Jaws and Taxi Driver had more to do with antagonists than protagonists. At the very least, the films introduced us to a new breed of anti-hero

Specifically, all four films can be seen through the prism of a single story, Joseph Conrad’s Heart of Darkness. More importantly, each iconic film breaks dramatically from the novella’s ending (spoiler alert), in which a frail antagonist withers and dies in evil’s crippling grip. In the films, however, the heart of darkness is a living, almost supernatural thing; an entity that cannot only be possessed, but can possess those who dare face it.

There is even a crucial scene from the book which can be found in each movie and underscores the films’ shared theme: The only way to face a Heart of Darkness is to take it into your own.

The scene, which we’ll call the Bird-Snake Moment, comes early in Conrad’s book, as mariner  Charles Marlow looks at a map of the Congo and is intrigued by the serpentine shape of the river he must take to find insane ivory trader Mr. Kurtz.  The uncoiled river, Conrad writes, holds a macabre fascination for Marlow, “as a snake would a bird.”

Not only do the four seminal works follow Conrad’s story arc (which would prompt enumerable facsimile films), but all contain their own Bird-Snake Moments. And a spoiler warning to all films at sea: Here be monsters.

Apocalypse NowApocalypse Now: A Clash of Cultures - The American Society of ...

This is the most open homage to Conrad’s 1899 book. Though written by John Millius and Coppola, Apocalypse Now proclaimed itself in 1979 to be the previously un-filmable big-screen adaptation of Darkness (Conrad is even given an unofficial writing credit on IMDB).

Apocalypse retains the primary characters of the book: Col. Walter Kurtz (Marlon Brando) sits at the end of a jungle river for his scheduled reckoning. Instead of ivory trader Marlow, we get Capt. Benjamin Willard (Martin Sheen) to render judgement.

Fresh off directing The Godfather, Coppola clearly had just begun his exploration of power’s inescapable corrosion. In Apocalypse, he goes further, intimating that the Heart of Darkness  takes control of a soul’s physical form. Note Willard’s mirror dance in the opening of the film; he’s in a trance, as his arms seem to work independently of the body. Lance, the surfing soldier, performs the same dance on the patrol boat as it snakes upriver; and Lt. Richard Colby, a soldier sent before Willard to kill the colonel, performs the same dance at Kurtz’s jungle lair.

While Conrad’s Kurtz falls ill and dies, Coppola’s Kurtz has to be hacked down by Willard, who is beginning to bear a striking resemblance to the colonel. When Willard steps into shadow, he is a replica of the madman. To confront this Heart of Darkness, the director seems to imply, you must cast aside remorse or humanity; in fact, the only characters who survive the film are those who show no pangs of guilt.

As for the Heart of Darkness, it transfers to Capt. Willard, who himself is uncertain what he’ll do with it. “They were going to make me a Major for this,” he narrates before killing Kurtz, “and I wasn’t even in their fucking Army anymore.”

Bird-Snake Moment: About 24 minutes into Apocalypse, after The Rolling Stones’ Satisfaction. Willard opens the dossier on Kurtz, and thinks the military must have given him the wrong file. But the more Willard reads, the more intrigued he becomes. Halfway through the movie, our narrator admits the driving force of the PBR is not a motor, but Willard’s “desire to confront him.”

The ExorcistThe Exorcist Head Spin - YouTube

William Friedkin’s masterpiece feels a long way from the Congo or Southeast Asia, but hear us out.

The story of a demon-possessed girl in Georgetown seems a straight-up horror flick, and The Exorcist has been rightly hailed as one of the greatest chillers of all-time. Like Jaws and The Godfather, the film became one of the few examples of a movie turning out better than the book. And William Peter Blatty’s book is scary as hell.

But The Exorcist begins with a 10-minute set-up in Iraq that may be the best tangential opening in film history. Not only does the scene establish the unearthing and unleashing of the god Pazuzu from its crypt in Iraq; it also sets up an inevitable showdown between the demon and Father Merrin (the wondrous Max von Sydow). Pay attention to Sydow’s facial expressions in those opening 10 minutes. They paint a man resigned to his fate: to meet the Heart of Darkness — again (he had exorcised Pazuzu once before).

Here, too, the Heart of Darkness is a literal thing, if supernatural. Blatty researched real demon lore, and the novel was inspired by a 1949 case of demonic possession and exorcism that Blatty heard about while he was a student in the class of 1950 at Georgetown.

Like Apocalypse, Exorcist‘s heart can be passed from soul to soul. But here, we’ve got a stronger narrator than Willard or Marlow: Father Damien Karras (the Oscar-nominated Jason Miller), a priest who questions his faith. When The Heart (Pazuzu) leaves the girl and takes possession of Karras’ soul, the priest finds enough belief to cast himself and the demon down the now-iconic Georgetown outdoor stairway.

Bird-Snake Moment: At 12:06 p.m. in the Iraq opening. Merrin and another scholar are discussing the father’s future when Merrin looks deeply into the unearthed Pazuzu statue head. The clock stops ticking. And look again at the scene of Merrin gazing bird-like at Pazuzu. The demon has a snake for an erection.Pazuzu Demon Superstar - Mad Monster

JawsSee 'Jaws' Filming Locations Via Google Earth | Mental Floss

Like The Exorcist, it’s tempting to put Jaws into a category and declare it The Greatest Niche Film of Blank. The scariest movie of the decade. The monster movie of the millennium. Hollywood’s first summer blockbuster.

All true, but all understatements. Jaws was more than all of that. Jaws changed the way Americans interact with the sea. Even Moby Dick, on which the book Jaws is blatantly structured, didn’t strike the fear the 1975 film did. I still dread murky water.

So, too, did millions of moviegoers, who were unprepared to see a man eaten by a shark, as Quint so famously was, in a PG film. I still remember mom bracing a 10-year-old for the gruesomeness ahead. Today, it looks cartoonish, and  even the photo above betrays the monster’s mechanical innards.

But just as Rocky was never about fighting (it has less than 10  minutes of actual boxing in it), Jaws was never about a maniacal shark. It’s actually the story of Marlow, or Willard, or Father Merrin.  Here our protagonist is Marting Brody, the Amity Island Police Chief who can’t swim and is deathly afraid of water.

Brody’s character, portrayed by the inimitable Roy Scheider,  serves as a diving rod for audiences. He alerts us to danger.

When the Orca fishing vessel creaks mysteriously, Brody asks the question aloud: What was that?  When the great fish pulls alongside and dwarfs the boat, Brody fires his handgun in relatable hopelessness. When fisherman Quint and oceanographer Hooper try to kill the beast, Brody watches them fail and fall.

Finally, when the great white takes aim at Brody, our hero must literally submerge into the Heart of Darkness — here, into the murky, blood stained sea — to get off a final shot at the demon-like fish.

By film’s end, as Brody and a somehow-alive Hooper tether a raft to paddle to sea, and Brody ends with these words: “You know, I used to be afraid of the water.” But in taking it in, the film implies, he’s conquered the darkness.

Bird-Snake Moment:

In the first half hour, as Brody is looking at a book on sharks after buying his son Michael a small wooden boat. Though he doesn’t know it yet, he’s about to come face-to-face with the serpentine monster that lurks in the darkness. Take a close look at Brody’s face in the scene: You can almost see Marlow looking at a map where there be monsters.

Taxi DriverLet's Talk About the Ending of 'Taxi Driver'

This is the furthest stretch in the Conrad theory, but perhaps the most profound. Martin Scorsese’s first commercial movie (he had found indie film success with 1973’s Mean Streets) introduces us to Travis Bickle, a Vietnam War vet who emerges from the streets of New York in a crimson vapor as if he emerged from the bowels of the Earth.

During the 1 hour, 54 minutes of Taxi Driver, we slowly learn the uncomfortable truth about Travis; he’s a lonely, angry, racist hypocrite who rails against a world he helped eviscerate, ultimately going on a rampage and slaying every pimp, john and whorehouse manager he can put a gun or knife to.

To this day, critics argue over whether Travis’ massacre was real or a dream; whether Travis lived or died, whether he became the hero he envisioned or another disposable madman. Scorsese has said in interviews that the film is less symbolic than critics suggest, and that he was simply commenting on America’s fixation and idolization of the gun culture. But he concedes the ambiguity was intentional, and that the core intent was to let viewers take away their own message.

Given that…

Bird-Snake moment: The entire movie. Travis Bickle is the snake. We are the bird. The camera actually captures our gaze into Travis’ dark world. 

Consider two iconic scenes in the movie. In the first, Travis calls Betsy (Cybill Shepherd) after a disastrous first date, in which he takes a stunned and offended Betsy to a porno. As Travis asks if shes received the flowers and messages he left for her, the camera slowly pans away from the phone aand focuses down an empty hallway, as if it’s too embarrassing to watch. 

In the second, Travis is talking in the mirror, practicing his handling of pistols and knives. “You talking to me?” he asks himself, responding with his Death Wish pose.

How many times have we had a version of this conversation in a mirror? The retort we would have said? The defiance we would have displayed? The anger or humor or coolness we would have put on display?

Screenwriter Paul Schrader may unintentionally make the strongest case for Taxi Driver’s Conrad-ian theme. Schrader said even Travis Bickle’s name was meant to imply an ugliness in our very nature. He wanted an anti-hero with a poet’s first name and an epithet for a last. 

In an interview, Schrader said he was approached by a moviegoer after the film’s release. “How did you hear about me?” Schrader recalls being asked. He discovered  the man wasn’t asking about cab driving, but about the man’s life specifically. In subsequent fan interactions, Schrader realized the broader  lure of a Travis Bickle — and his amorphous anger that we all sporadically feel toward the loved, the wanted, the paired, the happy.

Can any of us really deny our own Heart of Darkness, or the universal cord it strikes when we see it unleashed? Five years after the film was released, John Hinckley Jr. shot Ronald Reagan outside the Washington Hilton Hotel. Hinckley later told police he was recreating the political assassination scene in Taxi Driver, and was obsessed with Jodie Foster, who played the teenage prostitute in the movie.

For three-quarters of a century, Heart of Darkness was considered the impossible film. In 1939, Orson Welles presented RKO Pictures with a 174-page script adapted from the novella. However, after a few months of debate, RKO’s president George Schaefer decided to pull the project. Welles’ Heart of Darkness was seen as a risk on three fronts: financially, stylistically and politically. So it sat unadapted — until the ingenues.

Perhaps they saw what Hollywood had wrong. Heart of Darkness was never a tale about a frightening, foreign world. It’s about the terrifying internal one.