Apropos of nothing, John Oliver ripped off the HollywoodBowles with his own version of a FactSlap this weekend. To which we say: Let us show you how it’s done. A FactSlap column (Cephalopod Remix):

• An octopus is a mollusk, like clams and shells; however, through evolution, it lost its shell.
• Octopuses have three hearts that pump blue, copper-based blood.
• Octopuses are found in all oceans at every depth.
• All octopuses are venomous. Their venom contains enzymes that help digest their food_]
• Octopuses can remember and recognize individual humans.
• All octopuses have short life spans. The longest living octopus only lives three to four years. Most of the smaller octopuses live for 6 months to a year.
• The venom of a blue-ringed octopus can be fatal to humans.
• Octopuses can change their appearance in less than 30 milliseconds. They change colors by expanding tiny pigment sacs in their skin called chromatophores.
• The blood of octopuses (and other mollusks) is blue because of the oxygen-carrying pigment called hemocyanin.
• Because the octopus’s oxygen-carrying pigment (hemocyanin) isn’t as efficient as hemoglobin, the octopus has evolved two accessory hearts.
• The plural of octopus is not octopi because the word is Greek “octopous,” not Latin. The Greek plural would be octopodes, but scientists refer to them as octopuses.
• An octopus named Otto threw rocks and sprayed water on a light above his aquarium in order to short-circuit it.
• In what is called “autophagy,” bored octopuses will often eat their own arms.
• Like dolphins, crows, and chimpanzees, octopuses are part of a special class of animals that can use tools.

And check out more facts in the podcast!