Monthly Archives: March 2020

Netflix’s ‘Confidential’ Doldrums

(AP)

Netflix must be pretty depressed about the Oscars. After two high-profile, big-budget attempts at a Best Picture Academy Award, Netflix apparently decided to flush its money down the toilet in a petulant rage.

Time was, Netflix put out a healthy dose of dramatic gems, from The Irishman to Roma to The Two Popes to Wedding Story, all of which got Oscar’s attention, if not gold.Image result for roma

In response, we’ve been gift-wrapped turds for 2020 like The Last Thing He Wanted (which was probably this movie. The latest is Spenser Confidential, another film with a big star and a tiny punch. While it’s less fecal-dipped than Ben Affleck’s Wanted, it’s hardly a coil above. Hopefully, the streaming service is jettisoning excess gas before landing this coming award season.

It’s back to Boston for Mark Wahlberg in Spenser, so you know what that inevitably means, right?

There’s eventually going to have to be a fight with dirty cops in an Irish bar — sorry, it’s pronounced “bah” — while the Red Sox are playing on TV. Those are the rules.

Sure enough, the bar brawl arrives 30 minutes into this meandering film that tries to piggyback on the good will created by novelist Robert B. Parker’s wisecracking boxer-turned-private eye Spenser, played on TV by Robert Urich.Image result for spenser robert urich

Spenser Confidential  is a bit of a mess tonally with a plot that keeps attracting new weird layers, like lint on a sweater. It wants to be funnier than it is. It hopes to be deeper than it is.

Wahlberg as Spenser is an ex-con and an ex-police officer who gets out of prison only to stumble into a conspiracy that includes crooked cops, Dominican street gangs armed with machetes and dirty business investors pursuing gentrification and gambling. How high does it go? “High up,” he learns.

If there’s a Spenser, there has to be his buddy Hawk, and this role is filled awkwardly by Winston Duke. He’s a fine actor but screenwriters Sean O’Keefe and Brian Helgeland haven’t really integrated him well, making Hawk into Spenser’s roommate, an oat milk drinking, MMA fighter who adores animals.Image result for spenser Winston Duke

This Spenser is such a good guy that even one of his enemies calls him a “choir boy.” Just ask his ex-girlfriend (Iliza Shlesinger), who has a love-hate relationship with him but admires his “strong moral code” even though she tells him: “You are incapable of real intimacy.” Contradicting herself sometime later, she screams “Go, Sox!” during sex with him, which is the most Boston thing to do.

Spenser was only sent to prison because he beat up his crooked police chief, who was, in turn, beating up his wife. He comes out of prison and immediately the chief is killed gruesomely. Spenser sticks his neck out to clear the name of a cop who has been framed for the murder. “Why are you doing this?” the widow asks Spenser. “Because it’s the right thing to do,” our good guy replies.

Like a stage musical that is propelled by its songs, this film moves thanks to its frequent violent outbursts. Director Peter Berg evenly spaces out the fight scenes so you can tell one is coming every 10 or 15 minutes. “Man, you get beat up a lot,” Hawk tells Spenser. (Everyone in this Boston seems to be a member of a boxing gym.)

In between the fights, Spenser Confidential reaches for film noir, like a Chinatown in Beantown (one character even has a toothpick sticking out of his mouth at all times). Sometimes it tries be a Dirty Harry movie or to ape the dark feel of Gone Baby Gone. Other times it tries to be a buddy comedy but with few actual laughs, unless you consider the line “Did you just kick me, bro?” funny.

Berg and Wahlberg have previously worked together on Lone Survivor, Patriots Day and Deepwater Horizon. Playing a renegade good guy is right up Wahlberg’s alley and to say he sleepwalks down that alley this time isn’t too harsh. On the positive side, some nifty acting turns are offered from Post Malone and Marc Maron.Image result for Lone Survivor, Patriots Day and Deepwater Horizon

But there are some head-scratching moments, including a man-versus-dog fight that serves no purpose and an attempt to reach for a sequel when the first one hasn’t been earned. And why does Spenser sometimes write down all his clues, pointlessly circling and underlining words on a notepad like “Why?”

It’s not even clear why the film is called Spenser Confidential. There’s nothing hush-hush about it except this: Everyone associated with the film might want to keep that to themselves.

 

Hollywood’s Villainy Problem

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Hollywood has always struggled with diarrhea of the mouth. It can’t help but spew forth when it gets excited. Trailers give away the entire movie. Sequels dwarf originals. A comic-book film works? Clone away! A star is trending on social media? Put star in everything. Image result for adam driver

One of its golden rules, however, used to be: Never give away the ending. Remember when people were shocked that Bruce Willis was a ghost in The Sixth Sense? Or that the heroine in The Crying Game was actually the hero? Oh yeah, spoiler warning. Secrets were easier to keep before the internet, but, even now, studios request that reviewers not post spoilers on social media outlets.

But leave it to Tinseltown to burn the tinsel down. Last week, Rian Johnson, the director of the whodunit  Knives Out, recently sat down for an interview with Vanity Fair to break down a scene from the film. During it, he revealed that Apple, a sponsor of the film, doesn’t allow “bad guys” to have an Iphone on screen. As part of Apple’s guidelines, the company confirmed, third parties can only show their products “in the best light” and “in a manner or context that reflects favorably” on the company.Image result for knives out

Well, there goes your whodunnit.

Corporations have always flexed Darwinian dominance on celluloid. Ever seen James Bond in a smashed-to-hell Aston Martin? Or Tom Cruise  in a dented BMW? Or a hero whose Ferrari isn’t spit-polish clean? Exclusive car manufacturers have their own usage guideline, the underpinning one being: “Don’t make our cars look like shit.”Image result for james bond in car

But that didn’t affect a movie’s plot.  We already know James Bond isn’t going to die in any spy installment. That the man’s wheels are as polished as the man is no great stretch.

But Apple’s villainy clause underscores Hollywood’s villainy problem. The Usual Suspects, for instance, would not exist, or require Keiser Soze to use a Tracfone or some other cheap 7-Eleven burner. And you know Kaiser don’t Android. Cell phones played a key role in The Departed. Would  the studio have insisted on those old brick handsets?Image result for keiser soze

While the Apple disclosure isn’t going to send shock waves through the industry (Netflix and Amazon do that), it does underscore a larger problem the film industry faces in portraying bad guys.

Time was, studios would appoint villains the nationalities of any countries we saw on the battlefield. Native Americans. Asians. Germans.

In the 70’s, Hollywood took a bad-guy-bead on nationalities. Black and Hispanic actors, in particular, were easy, disenfranchised foible fodder. Clint Eastwood built his legend on challenging minorities to bullet counts.Image result for dirty harry and criminal

In today’s online, social justice frontier, however, there are fewer choices of folks to vilify. The Hunt, a violent human prey film from Blumhouse pictures, was delayed for months because protesters saw it as a political screed against political correctness. It was quietly re-edited and will be released next week.Image result for the hunt

So who’s left? Pederasts and serial killers are usually a safe bet — just be careful the color and gender you choose for the antagonist. Aliens are a pretty safe bet, as long as you make it clear we’re talking about space aliens.

I’m sure Hollywood will think of something. Who knows? Sometimes, they’re even in your own backyard. Image result for harvey weinstein

 

Why Sports Are Better Than Real Life

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Amid the sound and fury of Super Tuesday and the din of idiots signifying nothing, we can forget real news. Like Thomas Lee.

Lee loves the Jackson State University Tigers. I mean, loves them.

Growing up in Mississippi, Lee used to hang out at the Tigers’ basketball practices, usually with snacks in hand. Skittles were the favorite, hands down. Over the years, Lee became a fixture to the team, a walking concession stand of sorts, earning him the nickname ‘Snacks.’ It’s an apt title. Lee has clearly partaken in some.

Lee was so enchanted by the school he once mentioned to an assistant coach for the Tigers that he wanted to be the school’s team manager someday. The coach told Lee something the boy took deep to heart: Stay on the honor roll throughout high school, the coach said, and when he was admitted to Jackson State, Lee could be team manager.

“I kept my word,” Lee said in a local TV news interview. “And he kept his.”Image result for snacks lee

And for four years, Lee had the college experience of a lifetime. He hung out with players after practice, always willing to feed a shooter who needed extra shots — and take a few himself, of course. He always carried Skittles for, you know, emergencies.

This year marked Lee’s senior year. Throughout the Tigers’ season, kids and their social media avatars had been calling for “Snacks” to make an appearance in a game. Lee admits he did nothing to squelch the rising call.

In fact, Lee must have been feeling pretty cocky. He showed up at the college last week before 6 a.m. on Senior Day  — in uniform, donning the number 35 for his favorite player, Kevin Garnett. Image result for kevin garnnett

Tigers coach Wayne Brent told reporters he was surprised to see the manager suited up, but made a promise to the hopeful. If the Tigers run up the score in a blowout win for the school’s final home game of the year, he could play. Though the Tigers had a mediocre year, Brent had the genius idea to the let the team know of the wager. Image result for coach jackson state basketball

The Tigers kicked Arkansas Pine-Bluff’s ass. Running up a 20-point lead in the fourth quarter, Brent sent Lee out. The auditorium buzzed with his entrance, and collectively gasped — and sighed — when Lee took and missed three shots.

But with 32 seconds remaining, a Tiger on a fast break found Lee open on the right wing, far beyond the three-point arc. But Lee does not lack for guts, and recalled the preposterously long shots he’d take with players after practice. Without hesitating, he turned and arced a shot.

Swish.

By the end of the game, players and students had mobbed him, chanting “Snacks!” “Snacks!” as they led him out of the school.  The Southwestern Athletic Conference named Snacks its Player of the Week. NBA superstar Kevin Durant (who has a great nickname, “The Grim Leaper”) tweeted that Lee should change his nickname from “Snacks”to “Snipe.” Image result for kevin durant leaping

Promises made, promises kept. Sometimes, it matters. Usually, the news isn’t fake. It’s just overlooked.