Monthly Archives: February 2020

Quentin Tarantino’s Long Oscar Con

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Warning: Spoilers loose here!

First, full disclosure: I love Once Upon a Time…in Hollywood. I think it’s one of the best movies of the year, one of Tarantino’s finest in a career of fine films, and as fitting an homage to Los Angeles’ Golden Age of film as any ever rendered. And it’s getting too much praise.

Hollywood has been nominated for 10 Oscars, and has already collected 102 trophies over more than a dozen award ceremonies, including the Golden Globes and the BAFTAs.

Those plaudits for the films aren’t the problem. The problem is the praise heaped on supporting star Brad Pitt. He, like the film, has been showered in praise and gold plating, nabbing a Best Supporting Oscar nomination and taking home supporting acting statuettes from said Globes/BAFTAs. Should Pitt win the Oscar, his first order of business should be to thank Tarantino for pulling off the greatest heist since Ocean’s Eleven. In fact, classic films were part of the heist.Image result for pitt golden globe"

You see, Tarantino is this year’s Oscar’s darling for his love letter to 1960’s Hollywood, when the industry’s  ability to sell a concocted happiness was at its peak. Families were nuclear and daddies knew best. Kids didn’t swear, adults didn’t screw, and cowboys didn’t miss or bleed (unless they were bad). Killers met with unfettered justice — often dealt out by likes of Rick Dalton, Tarantino’s leading man in Hollywood.

Dalton is one of those Bonanza cowboys, at least on the outside. Steady. Steely. Sure-handed. Inside, though, he’s a wreck. He drinks too much, swears up a storm, has a nervous stutter, and is having trouble coming to terms with age and relevance.

Now consider Cliff Booth, Pitt’s likable, buff stunt double to DiCaprio’s Dalton in Hollywood. Cliff is an understated Missouri boy who, in the span of three hours, saves his buddy’s career, kicks Bruce Lee’s ass in a street fight and single-handedly prevents the Manson family murders. He is as stalwart a Hollywood hero as any produced 50 years ago. And like all good 60’s movie cowboys, his acting sucks.Image result for bruce lee cliff booth"

Like, really sucks. I challenge anyone who has seen the film: Name one scene in which Pitt is called upon to act. One scene in which he sheds a tear. Or loses his temper. Or becomes nervous, uncomfortable or caught unawares. He is Shane, mysterious, unflappable and Ivory pure.

This isn’t Pitt’s fault. He’s a solid actor (See Twelve Monkeys, Moneyball, The Curious Case of Benjamin Button). It’s just he’s playing John Wayne without the temper, and is never asked to express anything approximating range. Tarantino must know: DiCaprio acted circles around Pitt, gaining weight, shedding tears, allowing insecurities to surface. But while Pitt won honors, DiCaprio had to settle for honorable mentions among the Globes and BAFTAs.Image result for twelve monkeys"

Not that anyone need shed a tear over Hollywood‘s fortunes. But if Pitt manages to pull off a win, and beat co-nominees Al Pacino, Anthony Hopkins, Joe Pesci and Tom Hanks, he should silently signal to Tarantino Sting-style, with a nod of the head and forefinger gently brushing his nose. Image result for the sting rub nose"

Because that’s a helluva take.

The Wit(ness)less Path

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Evidentialism isn’t much on karma, but it fully embraces the concerto of circumstance. And today’s  was a doozy.

On the same day at the witness-less impeachment of Donald Trump whimpered to its inevitable euthanasia, the Iowa Caucuses kicked off a year of primaries, presidential puffery and, eventually, an actual vote to do something Nov. 3. Oh, and Rush Limbaugh has lung cancer (apparently that 30 years of hot air Rush spewed was carcinogenic). Image result for rush limbaugh"

Now that’s a confluence of events: One party will acquit its leader while another will appoint a new prosecutor. All while the war’s most inaccurate reporter rots from the inside. Say this for the upcoming presidential election: It will be the most honest in modern political history.

Doubt it? Love him or loathe him, does anyone truly feel like they don’t know who Donald Trump is? Are his supporters hard to distinguish? Are there really any on-the-fencers left in America? If so, what the fuck have you been doing for four years? Read something.

The Left, meanwhile, is harder to read; is Bernie a socialist? Will Warren really stick it to the .01%? Could the billionaire sniping between Michael Bloomberg and Trump get any better? (Trump accused Bloomberg of demanding boxes for debates. “The president is lying,” Bloomberg responded in a release. “He is a pathological liar who lies about everything: his fake hair, his obesity, and his spray-on tan.”)Image result for bloomberg trump"

Despite the differences on the Left, they do all share a through-line: All promise to have the spine to bitch-slap Trump. Democratic voters also have a singular though-line: Someone who will bitch-slap Trump.

Which is why Democrats should actually celebrate the vote the Senate took last week to bar any witnesses in the impeachment trial.

Consider, for a moment, the firmament the GOP would have claimed if it had allowed witnesses. Senators could have argued (however speciously) that the trial was a fair proceeding, complete with evidence and witnesses. Neither, however, amounted to enough to warrant removing the president, they would argue. Soak it in enough politispeak, and it may even sound legitimate.

Now, however, Republican Senators have to sell America on the impartiality of a witness-less trial. A much harder stretch, even when playing to dimwits. Like the jurors in the O.J. verdict and the lawmakers who voted to invade Iraq, there are names listed specifically behind these actions. We can decide if there will be a day of reckoning.Image result for oj verdict iraq"

A day after the Senate vote to ban witnesses, a wily hacker, presumably Democrat, massaged the Wikipedia entry on The United States Senate to read this:

The United States Senate was formerly the upper chamber of the United States Congress, which, along with the United States House of Representatives ― the lower chamber ― comprised the legislature of the United States. It died on January 31, 2020, when senators from the Republican Party refused to stand up to a corrupt autocrat calling himself the president of the United States, refusing to hear testimony that said individual blackmailed Ukraine in order to cheat in the 2020 presidential election.

After the hack, Wikipedia quickly took down the entry and restored the original, perhaps one of the first times Wiki has publicly made an entry inaccurate.

But the point was made. For three years, we have lied to ourselves about what would move the political needle: The Muller report? Nope. Ukraine? Next. Political assassinations? You’ll have to do better than that. The only thing that’s going to remove Trump is an overwhelming electoral loss. And even that may be disputed (the guys contested an election he won, for god’s sake).

The results in Iowa will do more than pick a first-round winner. When it and 49 others states have run their preliminary 5ks, they will give us a clearer picture of who we are as Americans. Are half of us flat-Earthers? Anti-vaxers? Half of us believe you’re in a cult. The other half think you’re too hard on the Kool-Aid. We’ll see in less than a year.

If we choose it, impeachment starts now. But make no mistake: We will sleep in beds we made.

 

 

All Hail Concusso, the God of Football!

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In honor of the holiest of all Sundays, a FactSlap Super Bowl edition:

  • The first Super Bowl game was played on January 15, 1967, as a playoff between the AFL and NFL champions. The game was called the “World Championship of Professional Football.” Image result for The first Super Bowl game was played on January 15, 1967,"
  • No network footage exists of Super Bowl I. Apparently it was taped over for a soap opera. Image result for 1967 soap opera"
  • At every Super Bowl, two Lombardi trophies are present in the unfortunate event that one is accidentally destroyed in the celebrations.Image result for two Lombardi trophies"
  • Super Bowl day is the second-largest U.S. food consumption day, following Thanksgiving.
  • Mike Ditka and Tom Flores are the only two men to win a Super Bowl both as a player and a coach.Image result for Mike Ditka and Tom Flores"Image result for Mike Ditka and Tom Flores"
  • Each Super Bowl trophy is handcrafted by Tiffany & Co. master artisans at their workshop in Parsippany, New Jersey, and is valued at $12,500.
  • The lowest amount of points scored in a Super Bowl is 3, scored by the Dolphins in Super Bowl VI.
  • Each Super Bowl trophy takes approximately four months and 72 man-hours to create.
  • The name ‘Super Bowl’ came from AFL founder and Kansas City Chiefs owner Lamar Hunt. He had jokingly referred to the proposed interleague championship as the “Super Bowl” after seeing his daughter playing with a toy called a Super Ball. The ball is now on display at the Pro Football Hall of Fame in Canton, Ohio.Image result for super ball"
  • The original Super Bowl XXXVI logo was re-designed following the September 11, 2001 attacks.Image result for The original Super Bowl XXXVI logo"
  • The Minnesota Vikings have played in four Super Bowls, but has never led a Super Bowl for even a single second.
  • Chuck Howley, the MVP winner from the 1971 Super Bowl, is the only player from a losing team to be named MVP.Image result for Chuck Howley, the MPV winner from the 1971 Super Bowl"
  • The last true day game (one which ended before local sunset) was Super Bowl XI in January 1977.
  • In 1978, both Randy White and Harvey Martin were co-winners of the MPV award.Image result for Randy White and Harvey Martin"
  • The only player to win a Super Bowl ring and an Olympic gold medal was Bob Hayes. He won the 100m at the 1964 Olympic Games, and was part of the winning Dallas Cowboys team of 1972.Image result for Super Bowl ring and an Olympic gold medal was Bob Hayes"
  • The record crowd at a Super Bowl game was 103,985 in 1980 at the Rose Bowl stadium.
  • In what is now known as the Philly Special, during the 2018 Super Bowl Philadelphia Eagles quarterback Nick Foles caught a touchdown pass, and became first player in Super Bowl history to both throw and catch a touchdown.