Monthly Archives: August 2019

Oh the Humanity!

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Stop the presses, hold the phone, and crank up the AC. Hell hath frozen over: Donald Trump was correct about something.

Not the broken-clock kind of correct. God knows Donnie Dimwit couldn’t keep up the blistering pace of being right twice a day. He’s lucky if he’s right twice a month.

But last week, in classic Trump style,  he managed to say something accurate. It was in defense of the (correct) claim that he’s a racist. Just as he did in claiming Bill Clinton had something to do with Jeffrey Epstein’s death, he pointed at someone else as the culprit of an undeniable truth about racism in America. “Liberal Hollywood is Racist at the highest level, and with great Anger and Hate!” he sausage-fingered from his safe haven aboard Air Force One. “They like to call themselves ‘Elite,’ but they are not Elite. In fact, it is often the people that they so strongly oppose that are actually the Elite.”

Well I’ll be damned. I guess I shouldn’t be surprised by his assertion about show biz. After all, it birthed his very presidency.

Still, as usual, the Molester-in-Chief got it only partly right. In truth, Hollywood isn’t liberal, though he and his base would scream to the contrary. But statistical research bears out what he said — and what we all know instinctively to be true. After all, this is an industry that glorifies gun ownership and vilifies environmentalism. How many times have our cinematic heroes solved their problems by being armed to the teeth? Ever seen an electric car in a Fast & Furious installment?

Delve a little deeper, and you’ll see that Hollywood mirrors corporate America in its white male ownership, and not only at the studio-head level. Here are just a few numbers to illustrate:

Women make up 52% of the U.S. population. But on the silver screen, here’s their representation, according to the Center for the Study of Women in Television and Film. Women make up:

  • 4% of directors
  • 15% of writers
  • 3% of cinematographers
  • 18% of producers
  • 18% of executive producers
  • 14% of editors
  • 6% of composers

When it comes to minorities, the numbers are just as bleak. According to a 2019 UCLA study of minorities in film, people of color make up 40% of the nation’s population. But in the movies, they comprise:

  • 19.8% of leading actors
  • 12.6% of directors
  • 7.8% of writers

In television, minorities make up:

  • 21.5% of characters on scripted shows on the networks
  • 21.3% of characters on scripted shows on cable
  • 28.4% of characters on reality shows on networks
  • 22.4% of characters on reality shows on cable

They’re dismal figures, but would we expect anything else from America’s largest exporter? In 2020, the entertainment and media market in the United States is expected to be worth over $720.38 billion, according to the economic research firm Statisa.

Not that we need statistics to prove all this. Remember the outrage when Idris Elba was being considered to be the next 007 in the James Bond series? Image result for idris elba bond

Or when the Star Wars franchise dared incorporate a black stormtrooper? Image result for star wars black stormtrooper

The difference between Hollywood and the rest of America, of course, is that at least showbiz is attempting to appear like they’re doing something about the problem. What was the hottest film of last year? Black Panther. Image result for black pantherWhat was the biggest movie of this year? Avengers: Endgame, with a superhero cast as diverse in race and gender as Up With People.Image result for up with people

Marvel has taken further steps, announcing 10 films to follow Endgame, which include two more Black Panther installments, Natalie Portman and Cate Blanchett anchoring the next Thor movie, and Scarlett Johansson getting her own Black Widow film.Image result for natalie portman thor

Trump’s attack on Hollywood puzzled many, but it’s likely due to him gaining wind of a movie scheduled for release this fall called The Hunt. It was indefinitely shelved because of the mass shootings in El Paso and Dayton, but the premise must have enraged Trump nonetheless. The film, which stars Hilary Swank, Betty Gilpin, and Emma Roberts, does not mention political ideology or Trump in its advertising. But a draft of the script (originally titled Red State Vs. Blue State) centered on hunting human game and featured such lines as “Did anyone see what our ratfucker-in-chief just did” and “nothing better than going out to the Manor and slaughtering a dozen deplorables,” as well as descriptions of its hunted characters having shared racist or pro-life views. Image result for the hunt movie

Maybe Donnie was just pissed that he hasn’t been asked to star in any films lately. And that’s not likely to change soon. After all, the camera adds 10 pounds. And the way he’s scarfing Big Macs and KFC, he’d likely only be considered to play the titular role in a drama about the Hindenburg.

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What’s In YOUR Wallet?

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I have a long and colorful history with the homeless population of any big city I inhabit. There was the woman who hawked a loogie on my apartment front door because she didn’t believe I had no spare change (I really didn’t). There was the guy who broke down crying (leading me to do the same) in front of a 7-Eleven when I gave him $20 on Christmas Day, my unofficial annual tradition. There was the man who routinely coaxed me out of my change in D.C. simply with an ingenious shtick:  He called himself “Blelvis the black Elvis,” and could sing any Elvis tune you asked him. How could you not reward that cleverness? Image result for black elvis

Then there was the event several years ago that cemented my decision to acknowledge the homeless: I had to walk home from a motorcycle repair shop and, not wanting to haul a helmet and heavy jacket, dropped them into an abandoned shopping cart and hoofed it home. I was astounded by how many people would not make eye contact (some even walked on lawns to avoid being on a sidewalk with me), lest they be asked for money. I realized then how we dehumanize that population like human flotsam.

But every once in a while, I come across someone who only reinforces the disdain many people have for them. Like the obnoxious guy in Westwood who would shake his coin cup about an inch from your passing ear to ask for change (how I wanted to slap that cup in the air). And Loogie Lucy was never going to be mistaken for Miss Congeniality.Image result for miss congeniality

Add to those  ranks Capital One Man, who I encountered today.

I was heading home from a doctor’s visit, and stopped at 7-Eleven for my first caffeine of the day. I had a pounding headache from the medical procedure, and the relentless sun made it impossible for me to make eye contact.

But I heard him fine.

“Got any spare change?” he asked. “I need bus fare.”

I couldn’t look him in the eye, couldn’t even make out his face in the orange haze. But I was determined to acknowledge him. “Sorry,” I said. “I only have plastic (that, too, was true).”

He paused a moment, then said, “Cash back?”

I was so thrown off by the response I broke into laughter. Clearly, the guy had been told this before, and had a ready response. Because you can get cash back with an ATM purchase at a 7-Eleven. But the maximum is $10, usually dispensed in a single bill or two $5 bills. Was he expecting a Lincoln or Hamilton?Image result for $5 and $10 bills

I’ll never know, because he was gone when I exited the store. And I felt bad for laughing at the guy.  I know homelessness is no joking matter.

But come on: If you’re that clever, you could at least belt out a couple lines of Love Me Tender.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GSvKkMs2ieo

All the President’s Molesters

‘I have 28 girls coming. … Donald, this is supposed to be a party with VIPs. You’re telling me it’s you and Epstein?’ — George Houraney, a Florida-based businessman, to Trump back in 1992 about an event he had organized at the future president’s request, according to the New York Times.

The exclusive “calendar girl” party at Trump’s Mar-a-Lago resort, which he’d purchased seven years earlier, was apparently even more exclusive than Houraney had expected when he put it together — Jeffrey Epstein, Trump and the women. That’s it.

“I said, ‘Look, Donald, I know Jeff really well, [and] I can’t have him going after younger girls,’” the party planner recalled. “He said, ‘Look I’m putting my name on this. I wouldn’t put my name on it and have a scandal.’ ”

After the party, Trump spoke with New York Magazine. “I’ve known Jeff for 15 years. Terrific guy,” Trump said. “He’s a lot of fun to be with. It is even said that he likes beautiful women as much as I do, and many of them are on the younger side.”

‘Nuff said about President Pederast. At least until we pivot from ‘alleged victims’ to ‘alleged rapist.’ Instead, let’s find closure in something far less sleazy, Factslaps:

  • Thomas Jefferson believed the Constitution should expire every 19 years and be replaced with a new one more suitable for the current generation.
  • A grizzly bear has to eat almost 20,000 calories a day.Image result for grizzly bear
  • The U.S. joined Syria and Nicaragua as the only nations that aren’t part of the Paris agreement to limit carbon emissions.
  • Pluto never made a full revolution around the sun while it was still considered a planet.Image result for pluto
  • There are only 3 countries in the world that don’t offer paid maternity leave:Suriname, Papua New Guinea and the United States.
  • An Octopus doesn’t have 8 arms, but 6 arms and 2 legs.
  • The last war chief of the Crow Tribe captured 50 horses from the Germans in World War II.Image result for The last war chief of the Crow Tribe captured 50 horses from the Germans in World War II.
  • Cockroaches can make group decisions. When 50 cockroaches are presented with 3 shelters that can only house 40, they’ll split evenly into two groups and leave one shelter empty.
  • The Eiffel Tower was built for the 1889 Paris Exposition and was not intended to be permanent.Image result for eiffel tower
  • The U.S. spends $500 million annually on military marching bands. That’s more than Ethiopia’s total military expenditure in 2015.Image result for military marching band
  • More than $80 of every $100 of wealth created in 2017 went to the richest 1%.Image result for $100 bill