Monthly Archives: August 2015

The Knuckler

 

When thrown correctly, the knuckleball is the hardest pitch to hit in baseball.

Apparently, it defies most laws of motion. While every other pitch in the human arsenal — fastball, curve, slider, change up, etc. — relies on spin to give a ball movement, a knuckleball is thrown with none, allowing gravity and physics to make it dip, lift, curve, whatever nature decides. You essentially push it over the plate. Pro catchers hate it; it is so deceptive and dodgy, catchers can look like bigger fools than batters trying to track one.

I learned this in yet another documentary I caught (damn you, ESPN) that, it turns out, really wasn’t about baseball. Or even sports.

The talking heads were lamenting the dearth of knuckleballers, who once dominated the big leagues (my uncle Leonard, a former pro pitcher with the Georgia Crackers, had a good one, I’m told). digitalcollections.library.gsu_.edu_The toss is so difficult that less than a half dozen pitchers still practice it, and requires so much finger dexterity that a split nail can send a pitcher to the Injured Reserve List.

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But it’s ego, not skill, that killed the knuckleball, the analysts said. Today’s sport (if not all modern competition) is defined by force, not finesse, and today’s Little Leaguers want to blaze 98 mph fastballs. A good knuckleball travels about 60 mph and takes, literally, years of practice and patience.

The film interviewed a few famed knucklers, from Phil Niekro to Tim Wakefield, diminutive men who said they turned to the pitch when they realized they didn’t have cannons for arms.

So I looked up their careers. Wakefield pitched for 24 years, Niekro for 23 (until he was 48, an octogenarian in the MLB).

But it was R.A. Dickey’s story that convinced me the knuckleball is The Everyman Pitch, the go-to backup when age and health and hope are on the wane.

Dickey was a flamethrower at the University of Tennessee, a right-hander deigned The Next Big Thing. The Texas Rangers came calling. He insured his whip for $1 million.

But during a routine examination, doctors discovered that Dickey lacked a particular ligament in his arm, a birth defect they said would end his career prematurely. Texas rescinded the contract, replacing it with a one-year deal for the league minimum, $75,000 a year.

Dickey weighed cashing in on the insurance, though it would mean he contractually could never pitch again.

Instead, he decided to rest his fate on the pitch his father taught him in their Nashville backyard (Dickey says his dad threw knuckleballs so that the boy, ever-hyper with a glove, would wear out faster chasing them). He took the contract and bounced around the minor leagues. He slept in a rental car and phoned his wife (his 7th grade sweetheart) and four kids with game updates. For a decade, no team would offer him a multi-year deal, fearing that his health and age would succumb before his abilities.

But in 2010, at age 34, he landed with the New York Mets, where he was to be used for occasional relief duties.

Instead, he won 11 games. Sportswriters noticed. Hitters noticed. And fans — many of them old enough to remember when the Mets didn’t suck — began turning out. metssuckIn droves, with signs and chants and ‘attaboys’ as word of the journeyman’s odyssey spread.

And in 2011, the Mets offered him his first real contract, worth $37 million over five years. He bought the family (now a brood of five) a house in upstate New York. His wife a new car. The kids college trust funds.

The next year, he won 20 games, was elected to his first All-Star Game, won the Sporting News Pitcher of the Year Award, and became the first knuckleballer to ever win the Cy Young Award, the sport’s greatest pitching honor.

He is still hurling today, still relying on fingernails and physics and fate to strike out men bigger, stronger, faster — but never more patient or crafty. Asked about his unlikely success, Dickey gave an answer that, ultimately, was unrelated to stitches and peanuts and Cracker Jack.

“At some point, I had to decide to be true to what I knew inside,” he said. “That’s the thing about knuckleballs. You try to bring your best to the mound. But in the end, all you can do is throw the best pitch you’ve got, and see what it does in the world.”

 

One Comedian, to Rule Them All

 

Jon Stewart exits The Daily Show tonight aloft so many laurels you’d think he was being escorted to the farewell ship of The Lord of the Rings.

But there are three groups whose reaction I await as much as I dread Stewart’s departure.

* The first is Comedy Central. How do you replace a show that was nothing less than a game-changer? Stewart’s 16-year span will be viewed as the 70’s salad days of Saturday Night Live were for scores of ascending stars, including Blues Brothers John Belushi and Dan Akroyd. The Daily Show had something akin in the news brothers, Steve Carrell and Stephen Colbert, who have similarly entered new celebrity orbits. Even the show’s B-list reporters, which included Ed Helms, John Oliver and Rob Corddry, made most primetime network comedies look like funeral wakes.

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* What about the Democratic National Committee? Stewart was the party’s most recognizable (and influential) advocate outside of Barack Obama. A CBS poll found that 21% of Americans aged 21-29 — the new Democratic Party lifeblood — got the bulk of its news from The Daily Show. Producers may have found a young, hip, millennial-friendly replacement in Trevor Noah. But the  show — at least as it skews now, which is D.C.-centric — thrived on a veteran jokester with real political acumen (and razor wire imitation skills).

Who will become the Left’s new beacon? Bill Maher’s ego makes even Progressives wince. Colbert will likely take a more centric tone as he replaces David Letterman on the national late-night front. The Democrats have always benefitted from having a sense of humor (why are the Right’s media spokesdouches — O’Reilly, Limbaugh, Hannity, etc. — such angry, pasty blubberers?) Hillary’s presidency is a lock, but DNC Chairwoman Rep. Debbie Wasserman Schultz would be wise to either champion a new megaphone for younger voters, or convince Stewart to take a more open, direct role with the party.

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* Finally, I wonder about Arby’s. Stewart has always had a special spot in his heart for skewering the alleged meat vendor.

No one really knows why. Even Stwewart isn’t sure, confessing  that the restaurant chain has always taken its ribbing in good humor. “And they really are wonderful folks,” the comedian once said on air.

Perhaps it’s the name. It sounds like a cartoon sound effect. Maybe it’s  a lot easier name to lampoon than Burger King or McDonald’s. The all-time champ, though, is a 24-hour convenience store chain I discovered in Arkansas called Kum & Go. I swear.

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Personally, I think Stewart got the idea from The Simpsons (he admits he’s a fan of the funniest sitcom of all-time). He has quoted Homer, welcomed Simpsons guests aplenty, even dropped the occasional ‘D’oh!’

I think he was inspired by a specific episode years ago, where Marge explains why you can’t trust commercials: “Homer, people do all kinds of crazy things in commercials. Like eat at Arby’s.”

Admittedly, I love the near roast beef and cheddar, which likely contains neither. Regardless, they won my heart with August’s official’s HB Commercial of the Month, on self-deprecation alone.

Fare thee well, Jon. Good luck in The Shire.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cJz3FXjZ3Sc