And Now, A Word From The Contrarian…

http://childpsychiatryassociates.com/treatment-team/maggie-mcgill/maggie_mcgill-600/ How the Democrats actually won the mid-terms

There has been so much braying among conservatives over the proclaimed takeover of government (led by Walrus-In-Chief Rush; seriously, I wish net wizards would do a side-by-side with him and Mr. Ed. If they did, they’d see that they whinny with the same muscular jerks. Of course, the horse pales to the human’s sarcastic skills, though the human lacks Ed’s logic, humor, or the intuitive sense not to shit himself of camera.) that you’d actually think Republicans won.

But The Republican Party is no longer, unless you consider The Tea Party. Let’s not.

Let’s look instead at the GOP freshman who came to office in record numbers, at least for Republicans: women and minorities. Nowhere in the debates were there discussions of gay rights or gender equality laws. That wasn’t the case just a generation ago.

The Republicans have adopted the big-tent strategy of the Democrats. And while it’s fair to question the GOP’s big-tent approach, the fact is a big-tent is a pretty nice place to be. When are we harmed by being more inclusive? Lincoln saw this.

But in the larger picture, history favors the liberal. We once believed the universe revolved around our pebble, and burned those who thought different. We considered (not that long ago) some men 3/5 of another, and women less than that.

Today, we consider those notions prehistoric. Just as we are beginning to view the right of, say, gay marriage. States will hold out simply to be difficult, but they will eventually cede to the fact that we are all related. That they’re no threat, the differences. As embarrassing our lapses, we have still somehow learned there’s less to fear than we thought. Goddamn, you’ll be able to buy weed in a vending machine soon.

So let Rush poop himself. Someone has to play violin on the Titanic.

 

 

 

 

 

Napkin Or No Napkin

Mom and sis went to lunch recently at the Denny’s in Van Nuys, chic dining for this family.

As mom and Caroline took their table, mom noticed a bald man in his mid-40’s enter with a group of other men. The man apparently stared intently at Caroline as they walked to their table. Mom was a little miffed at the rudeness.

As the women ate, mom noticed the man was still staring at Caroline “to the point of rudeness,” mom recalls. It doesn’t take much for mom to express herself, and she shot stares back with a “don’t you ogle my daughter” sternness.

Finally, the man stands up, walks to the Bowles table.

“How is the food?” the man said. “Do you need anything?”

Mom was less pissed; perhaps he was a manager, waiting to go on duty.

“No, we’re fine,” Caroline responded automatically, though pausing slightly because she thought she recognized the guy. “Thank you.”

The man smiled, turned and began to walk away.

Never one to bite her tongue, mom said to Caroline, “I could have used an extra napkin.”

Caroline immediately looked over her shoulder, raised an arm and told the man, “Mom needs an extra napkin.”

The man walks to one of the waiters, says “I got this, Sam,” takes a napkin from his tray and returns to the table.

“Here you go, mom,” Howie Mandell said before walking back to his table.

As Mandell is an avowed germophobe, mom assumed the napkin was clean.

 

The Theory Of One Thing (Or How God Died In The Big Bang)

 

The brutal irony of science is that, in discovering how to measure matter, it discovered that nothing does.

Where once science argued the Big Bang theory, now we have the Multiple Universe debate, which posits that we are more granular than we ever thought. That our macrocosm, the cosmos we once saw as infinite, is actually just a contact lens in a sea of countless infinities. It’s enough to leave you scrambling for a blankie, pacifier and bottle of Jack to forget our insignificance.

But we can’t help but add humanity to our search for worlds without it. For what is atheism, if not faith? We side with science because it has a better track record; you know what? Turns out the world isn’t flat. The sun doesn’t revolve around our planet. Human sacrifice won’t bring rain. Our bad.

Religion, on the other hand, prefers to retrofit theories to explain an ever-empirical world. Hell yes dinosaurs roamed our neighborhood only a few millennia ago; God just has his own daylight savings plan and time zone; He’ll explain when you get there.

But when we hear Stephen Hawking explain so convincingly  the workings of the cosmos — that time had an official beginning like an Olympic starter pistol, that everything sprang from nothing, that there really are bottomless pits (we just call them black holes)  — we must take it with the same faith as a Pentecostal must accept god. How is the Big Bang on a scale any less miraculous than the loaves and fishes? Science is great at explaining the laws of nature. But whence the lawmaker? Give this to faith: It can be a lot less depressing  than quantum physics.

Perhaps the answer lies not in Hawking’s mind, but his body, which continues to fade like a collapsing star. The macro from the micro, as when a split atom alters so many molecules. Hawking embodies our own conflict with existence. He should have been dead 50 years ago, but still fights the darkness that consumes his life.  He has elevated us without movement, illuminated galaxies from a wheelchair and serenaded our choir with a gospel chanted through a Speak n’ Spell.

Maybe he has inadvertently stumbled on the singularity that unites both sides of the pew.

That life, no matter how you define it, finds a way.