Kamyzyak Irony a: the use of words to express something other than and especially the opposite of the literal meaning. b : a usually humorous or sardonic literary style or form characterized by irony. c : an ironic expression or utterance.
Bob Mueller’s Congressional testimony has not yet begun, but I can tell you how it will end:
With Dems walking away with squadoosh.
I should know. I’ve been holding Mueller hearings since high school. Only in my case, god is the investigative target, not Donald Trump.
But what Dems can’t seem to accept is that making a case against Trump is exactly like making a case against the lord (sorry, that mass murderer doesn’t deserve capitalization — just like Trump).
You see, it won’t matter what Bob testifies to, regardless of his investigation’s findings, just as it won’t matter what you tell a “believer.” Sure, the evidence of hoax is overwhelming. But GOPers, like evangelicals, believe what they want to hear, not what empirical facts tell them.
In truth, for Republicans, Trump is god. Don’t believe it? Just YouTube Trump rally videos, particularly as his slackwit crowds chant their version of John 3:16, “Send them back! Send them back!” If that ain’t a contemporary version of speaking in tongues, there ain’t one. And don’t give me this shit that Republicans love to spew — “I’m a Republican, but I don’t like Trump.” That’s as hypocritical as those who belch “I’m socially liberal, but fiscally conservative.” Yeah? Then why do you support candidates who have helped run the federal deficit to $779 billion and counting?
The pussy-grabber-in-chief will likely win reelection on those hypocrisies alone, to the delight of the right, who dare not blaspheme against his atrocities, from caging toddlers to raping women. Ask Bob Corker or Jeff Flake what reasonable skepticism got them. Or John McCain’s wife.
The atheist-versus-believer debate will play out in full bloom following the hearing, as MSNBC runs interminably damning clips and FOX holds up its bible, in this case a teleprompter script that chants “No obstruction, no collusion!” Atheists are going to be taken to the woodshed on the power of faith alone. Coming from a family of churchgoers, I can tell you: The woodshed sucks. But just as I had to accept dismissal and defeat, so too will never Trumpers. The LA Times actually ran an op-ed piece today with the headline “Congress Should Take Mueller’s Testimony as a Call to Action.”
How quaint. As opposed to every other treasonous day in Donnie’s stint on the job?
Instead of fighting low tide, howzabout this: Drop the Mueller questioning, drop impeachment talk and pass bills on the House floor that will surely die in the Senate (if it even appears there), but may resonate with voters? Like paying women as much as men, or punishing big pharma for price gouging, or protecting racial and sexual minorities from the real witch hunts that rot the nation’s core.
Sure, you’re gonna fall on your own sword in the attempt. But we’re all going to die. At least do so with your head held up.
Here’s the recipe for a summer buddy-cop film. One guy, usually the cop, is as big as a house with an inclination to break things: rules, orders, villains’ faces. The other guy is typically much smaller and much funnier and kind of goofy — and he’s driving the other guy nuts, even as circumstances force them to partner up and take on some bad people.
Sure, May-December cop buddy flicks were have been a cliche since 48 Hrs to Midnight Run to Rush Hour to Men in Black to Ride Along to Central Intelligence toThe Heat to the most recent example, Stuber. But given the summer overflow of big-budget sequels, Disney remakes and comic book reboots, this paean to cop films of the 80’s and 90’s seems like a nostalgiac nod to stupidity. And, somehow, most of it works.
It’s hard to overstate how refreshing it is to see a studio movie as silly and self-contained as Michael Dowse’s Stuber. The biggest action scene takes place in a sporting goods store. The Avengers are nowhere to be found. And the hero isn’t fighting to save the planet, just to help pay for the small business he wants to open with his crush (a spinning class geared towards single women called “Spinsters”).
What makes Stuber a fresh approach to a tired genre is that it joins those rare films that are perfectly synced with the American zeitgeist. Just a You’ve Got Mail came during the AOL boom and The Social Network hit shortly after Facebook became omnipresent, Stuber will likely go down as the first big-studio film to take on ride sharing services. It won’t stomp the competition at the multiplex, but Stuber hits all the topical notes for young viewers: overprotective parents, the crippling addiction to cellphones and the roulette wheel roll that is calling a ride share service.
Much of the comedy credit here goes to Kumail Nanjiani (the HBO series Silicon Valley, The Big Sick). Nanjiani’s deadpan expression to people getting rowdy, drunk and nauseas in the back of his leased electric car could likely carry its own film. But that wouldn’t make for a buddy cop flick, so Dowse cannily casts Dave Bautista as Vic (Guardians of the Galaxy) a cop colossus with anger issues, severe myopia and a temper that sends him through walls like a drunken Kool-Aid Man.
It’s a silly pairing, but silly is the point. This movie, after all, is called Stuber because the protagonist is named Stu and he drives for Uber. Get it? Subtle intelligence takes a pronounced backseat to mindless escapism.
Stuber stumbles when it actually tries to break from comedy cliches with some adult-level violence. As the pair close in on drug dealers Vic is chasing, Stu has to face off against the martial marts actor from The Raid. Even for a comedy this goofy, it’s a plot stretch. Not only does the film skewer the tropes of Hollywood cop films, it embraces more than a few.
But they aren’t fatal flaws, and the pairing of Nanjiani and Bautista is inspired, particularly Bautista. He may be built like a Mack truck, but he displays enough tenderness he may escape Hollywood’s villain circuit.
Stuber is intentionally dumb and a little bit clunky, but Nanjiani and Bautista click, the action sequences are well-filmed and the humor is sometimes brutally funny. In a summer of repetitious travels, Stuber makes for a refreshing escapist ride.
