Did Hell just freeze over, or did Fox just say something accurately — and aimed at the president and Trumptards?
Happy Labor Day Weekend, Donnie Boy!
The Roof, The Roof, The Roof is on Fire
Lemme get this straight.
Brazilian President Jair Bolsonaro was offered $20 million in international aid to help battle the Amazon rainforest inferno following the G-7 summit, but is refusing to take the money until French President Emmanuel Macron apologizes for what Macron said about Bolsonaro’s Facebook comment?
That’s it, I’m turning the car around. And your internet privileges are suspended.
Bolsonaro was apparently offended by Macron’s comments related to his handling of the unfolding crisis in the Amazon, and wanted them retracted.
“And then we can speak,” the Brazilian dimwit said.
In truth, though, the dispute isn’t about authority, or expenditures, or detente, but something middle-school-petty. The Brazilian leader’s demand for an apology followed Macron lashing out after a Bolsonaro supporter — a supporter! — mocked Macron’s wife, Brigitte, in a Facebook post, comparing her to Bolsonaro’s wife, Michelle, and suggesting Macron was jealous.
Bolsonaro commented on the post in Portuguese, “don’t humiliate the guy … haha,” leading Macron to respond during the Group of Seven summit on Monday that the comment was “very disrespectful.”
“He said very disrespectful things about my wife. I have great respect for the Brazilian people and can only hope they soon have a president who is up to the job,” Macron said.
What the…? What is going on with our world leaders? This little tiff follows Donald Trump’s umbrage at being turned down in his offer to buy Greenland from Denmark. Danish leaders reminded him that they don’t own Greenland — Greenland does — and called the offer absurd. Blimpie immediately canceled his trip to Denmark, which I’m sure has left the Danes inconsolable. Who will Danish political cartoonists lampoon now?
But apparently, you can spin a globe, cover your eyes, and land on a country led by a buffoon.
Imagine this scenario for a moment, because political leaders certainly haven’t. Imagine you know someone who has run into money trouble and cannot pay the mortgage, or rent, or car note. You open your checkbook and offer him money — with no demand for repayment. But in opening your checkbook, you mumble something that offends the broke sumbitch. And he tells you, “I’m not going to cash this check until your apologize.”
You’d likely tell the loafer to go to hell, close the checkbook and walk away. And that’s what the Gang of Seven should have done collectively. Don’t need the $20 million? I’m sure there are countless hungry and thirsty nations that do. Cross out Brazil’s name and scribble in South Sudan, where residents make an average of $246 a year, according to Reuters.
More importantly, it’s time for our planet’s leaders to start acting like goddamn adults. When did Facebook and Twitter become so vital to their management of nations? You going to nuke a nation that touches your side of the backseat?
To Emmanuel: Come on, Frenchie. You were supposed to be the reasonable one at the G-7, the one who recognized issues like climate change, nuclear proliferation, global terrorism. And you’re acting like someone stole your binky. All over a comment about a comment on Facebook? You don’t need to unfriend Bolsonaro; you need to unplug your computer.
To Jair: I’m not sure what the Portuguese word for douchebag is, but you are one. Maybe you don’t need $20 million in aid. But your people do. They’re choking on ash, and you’re yukking it up with a troll? If your people take a cue from the people of Hong Kong, your ass will fry like your rainforest.
I never thought I’d have to say this to anyone but our globular president, but apparently this message can be translated into innumerable languages, for innumerable heads of state:
Grow the fuck up.
They’re the Ones Who Knock
(Warning: series spoilers ahead)
The last time we saw him, Jesse Pinkman (Aaron Paul) was barreling through a chain-link gate in his El Camino, half-laughing, half-crying after being sprung from his neo-Nazi captors by Walter White (Bryan Cranston) in a drug house bloodbath in the Breaking Bad finale.
But where did Jesse go? Did Walter actually die? Ever since the AMC series concluded six years ago, Internet denizens have speculated wildly — musings fueled by rumors that they were working on a new Breaking Bad project.
Wonder no more: Netflix is expected to announce that a Breaking Bad film will arrive in October. Entitled El Camino: A Breaking Bad Movie, the film has even seen its trailer leaked onto the Internet with a release date, Oct. 11.
The news isn’t official yet, but it was all but confirmed when CNET noticed last week that a placeholder page for the movie popped up on Netflix. The page has since been taken down, but not before exuberant fans got hold of the news. The trailer doesn’t show Pinkman or other Breaking Bad characters; instead, it features only an addict refusing to talk to cops for fear he would be similarly enslaved by drug dealers. “No way I’m helping you people put Jesse Pinkman back inside a cage,” the tweaker says over an ominous score. The synopsis on the now-deleted Netflix page reveals little of the plot: “Fugitive Jesse Pinkman (Aaron Paul) runs from his captors, the law, and his past.”
Rumors of the film were further confirmed in an interview Paul gave to the New York Times, which ran an article Saturday about the series and the show’s legacy. “It’s a chapter of Breaking Bad that I didn’t realize that I wanted,” Paul told the Times about another chapter in the story. “And now that I have it, I’m so happy that it’s here.”
Paul also recalled early conversations with series creator Vince Gilligan, who will direct the film. “I would follow him into a fire,” he said, adding, “I was so happy that Vince wanted to take me on this journey.”
In interviews earlier this month, Bob Odenkirk, star of the Breaking Bad prequel series Better Call Saul, added to the rumor mill. He told /Film that the movie was shot secretly under the guise of an indie film called Greenbrier. In addition, in an interview with The Hollywood Reporter, Odenkirk spoke briefly about the movie. “I’ve heard so many different things about it, but I am excited about the Breaking Bad movie. I can’t wait to see it…I don’t know what people know and don’t know. I find it hard to believe you don’t know it was shot. They did it. You know what I mean? How is that a secret? But it is. They’ve done an amazing job of keeping it a secret.”
No word on whether Cranston will be involved in the movie, though some fans have speculated that he may have survived the fusillade of bullets that ended the series — and, ostensibly, his character. And given Gilligan’s fondness for timelines that leapfrog from past to present, Walter White may again be the one who knocks.
The Netflix announcement is expected Monday.
