The Holy Isms

The Book of Genesis · The Biblical Defense of Slavery · Union to Disunion


“Let the woman learn in silence with all subjection. But I suffer not a woman to teach, nor to usurp authority over the man, but to be in silence. For Adam was first formed, then Eve. And Adam was not deceived, but the woman being deceived was in the transgression.”  Tim. 2:11-14


“Slaves, obey your earthly masters with fear and trembling, with a sincere heart, as you would Christ.” Ephesians 6:5

With the gunfire of Kenosha still ringing in our ears, I am hearing a lot lately about systemic injustice in America. Systemic racism. Systemic sexism.

The question runs so deep it has birthed the only two political movements to find footing in the past decade for Democrats: The #MeToo and Black Lives Matter movements. As we bear down on a presidential election, we find ourselves grappling with just how racist and sexist we are, at almost every level of American society: economically, politically, even constitutionally.

What we seem determined not to examine is the racism and sexism rampant in our core belief system.

After all, it’s verboten to attack someone’s faith. That’s a private matter, we’re told. One of personal conscience (as opposed to, say, your occupation). Religion has always gotten a pass in this area.

But we can afford no more Get Out Of Jail Free cards when it comes to matters of faith. If we are going to honestly reflect on our biases as human beings, how can we not include an examination of the foundational system that underpins all subsystems?

Yet I’ve heard no academic, politician or member of either political movement suggest looking into religion’s role in the glacial political advances for women and people of color in America. Does it really feel like we’ve made more than a half-century’s worth of progress since the Voting Rights Act of 1965?

Consider race relations, arguably as raw and divided as the 60’s. I recently watched Good Trouble, Apple’s terrific documentary about John Lewis.

John Lewis: Good Trouble | A Magnolia Pictures Film | NOW AVAILABLE  EVERYWHERE

The film is full of touching moments, including of Ebenezer Baptist Church, where Lewis and Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. sought guidance from the Bible.

But there’s no acknowledgement of the passages that sit just a few pages away from the beautiful hymns and gospels that inspire the men in the movie. Passages like Exodus 21:20-21:

“When a man strikes his slave, male or female, with a rod and the slave dies under his hand, he shall be avenged. But if the slave survives a day or two, he is not to be avenged, for the slave is his money.”

I wonder how they viewed God’s warranty on slightly-used humans for sale. I wonder if contemporary leaders do at all.

This is from the MeToo Movement website: “To support and activate survivors, The ‘me too’ Movement engages an innovative model of survivor leadership with a ‘whole-self approach’ to healing from sexual violence, that grows out of understanding survival. Pathways to healing must include wrap-around interventions and support mechanisms to best embrace survivors as their whole selves. This includes healing through engagement in community organizing, where survivors are empowered to fight sexual violence with courage and conviction.”

Me Too movement: From Weinstein to Kavanaugh, change for women, LGBTQ?

Does “engagement in community organizing” include engaging with Bible-thumping communities? If so, what if that community of textualists believes Leviticus 12:1-14:

“A woman who becomes pregnant and gives birth to a son will be ceremonially unclean for seven days, just as she is unclean during her monthly period.“

Can we really move forward with those fallen trees in the path? Just how far can women and minorities expect to go on a trail carved out for a supernatural white patriarchy?

Alternately, consider the two successful political movements over the past decade for Republicans: Trumpism and QAnon. Unlike their Democratic counterparts, the right-wing ideologies do not clash with any of their top-down hierarchies in a religious worldview. If anything, they enforce them.

And look at the difference in reception. Women and minority rights remain a top priority for Democrats, but the left still struggles with the kindling. Trumpism and QAnon, meanwhile, have sparked like a September pine.

If we are really serious about changing the way we see each other, we have to start with the labels sewn into the cloth of religious identity. The patrons of #MeToo and Black Lives would be well-served asking if they really want the Iron Age goat shepherds who authored the Bible writing their playbook as well.

Why Don’t You Make Like a Banana?

In honor of National Banana Split Day, our FactSlaps are a celebration of Tarzan’s favorite to-go food:

  • Bananas are slightly radioactive.
  • There are more than 1,000 species of banana. We eat only one of them.
Bananas: Health Benefits, Risks & Nutrition Facts | Live Science
  • A strawberry isn’t an actual berry, but a banana is.
  • Bananas are the most popular fruits in the U.S.
Bananas: Health benefits, tips, and risks
  • Bananas are the best-selling items at Walmart.
Walmart: Free Bananas
  • Iceland has Europe’s largest banana plantation.
Does Iceland really have Europe's largest banana plantation ...
  • Humans share 50% of their DNA with bananas.
Myth Or Fact: Humans Share 50% DNA With A Banana — Steemit
  • The term “Banana republic” was coined in 1904 to describe Honduras.
The New Banana Republic: Welcome to America | by Hector Vila | The ...

My Inventions List

7 Inventions that Changed the World we Live in | DocumentaryTube

Just as everyone should have a list of ransom demands, everyone should have an inventions list.

After all, it’s easy enough to bitch. Quite another to suggest ways to improve the world. I’m always puzzled by those who complain about a system and offer no solutions to improve it. Scientists call it Red State Reasoning.

And it’s not that hard to come up with an invention. You may do it every day. Maybe you use a bowl as an iPhone speaker. Or hang wrinkled clothes in the bathroom while you shower. Or  cut cake with dental floss.Slices of a rainbow layer cake.

The point is, chip in or shut the fuck up.

In that spirit, here are some of my current invention ideas. Patents not pending:

Picture this: You want to turn right in your car down the busiest street in your town. Cars are flying. Then you see a car that appears to be slowing down, with its right turn signal on — apparently opening a lane for you to merge.

Then — pow! The driver had accidentally left the turn signal on. Why is it that the only angle that a driver, pedestrian or biker CANNOT tell whether a car is slowing down is when it’s headed directly at you? A simple brake light under each turn signal would, literally, save thousands of lives a year.

  • The “Bulb Out” BulbTire Pressure Warning Light On: What To Do | Car Bibles

Similar in theory to the Front Brake Light. Why is it that the only way we discover when a brake or head light burns out is when someone tells us —  particularly a cop? We have a signal that indicates when our tire pressure is low. Surely it wouldn’t be hard to create a sensor when a bulb burns out.

  • SpravyTeddy | The HollywoodBowles - Page 4

Household pets are notoriously finicky eaters. Cats routinely go more than 3 days without eating, sometimes simply from a dietary or mealtime change.

Introducing Spravy, the spray-on gravy that softens and seasons kibble with  chicken-,  beef- or chicken-flavored juices. It could even be vitamin-enriched so pet zealouts can rest assured Mr. Mittens gets his daily recommended dose of iron and riboflavin. (I’m currently making Spravy out of the juice in chicken noodle soup.)

  • EvidentialismFaith and Science | World Science Festival

A secular faith-based system that posits that science is a faith. The premise is based on a single question: Who do you believe will cure COVID-19, science or a god? If the former, you’re either an atheist or Evidentialist.

  • Dead LineLegislative Serial Killers: CA Freelance Law Will Disembowel ...

A novel/movie with this as the premise: A rookie reporter is on his first big-city story. The story: Competing serial killers are taunting and one-upping each other through social and traditional media, tallying followers and granting anonymous interviews for bigger headlines. The twist: The reporter is one of the killers.

  • The Misfortune Cookie86 Of The Funniest Messages Found Inside Fortune Cookies | Bored Panda

We’re used to the astrologically bland futures as seen through the typical fortune cookie: A fresh start will put you on your way; A lifetime friend shall soon be made; A light heart carries you through all the hard times.

Introducing The Misfortune Cookie, perfect for college dorm deliveries, snarky late dinners and general sardonic revelry. Prognostications include: The fortune you seek is in another cookie; A closed mouth gathers no feet; Everyone at the table is judging you; You will die alone and poorly dressed.

Legal disclaimer: All inventions are hereby declared public domain, and may be stolen, pilched and turned-for-profit. The goal is not to stake a claim, but flex constructive brain muscles.