Tag Archives: nonymous

Dear Mirriam (or Webster)


Dear dictionary people,

First off, thank you. You’re not like those punk bitches at Oxford Dictionary, who succumb to pressure annually to add new official words, which is like giving someone who can’t ride a bike your car keys; you’re over-arming.

Particularly now, when the world’s last remaining superpower is led by a man with a fourth-grade reading level (and I challenge him to a word-off with my first grade nephew). Last year, Oxford officially recognized “hangry,” an ad idea for Snickers candy bars.

So kudos for being selective. New words are necessary; annual publicity stunts are not. Thank you for being as fluid with language as it is with us.

In that spirit, I’d like to suggest some words that are not in your dictionary, but perhaps should be. Here are the words and their suggested definitions. And I swear, not one of them was inspired by a candy bar.

Philosophize (verb): To expound on a philosophy.

We have proselytize, theorize, realize. Why not for deeper thinking? And it’s much shorter than the accepted alternative.

Nonymous (adjective): To attribute a media story to a named source.

If anonymous is a word, like amoral, apolitical, asexual, etc., why is there no opposite?

Embering (verb): To burn red-hot after a flame dies down.

Example: “He may not have released new music recently, but he embered to the end.”

Fuckery (noun): A bureaucratic mess.

Self explanatory. When you’re asked for the fifth time to fill out a duplicate at the DMV, you’re experiencing governmental fuckery.

Kramer (verb): To barge in without knocking.

Example: “Did you see that video of the professor with the wild daughter? She Kramered the whole TV interview!”



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