The Glow of Being New


My sister recently rescued a puppy she found injured and barking outside a McDonald’s in Atlanta. I suggested she name him Big Mac. But then I realized: I didn’t know if he was a he.

And after seeing the video, I’m thinking I should have suggested Hamburglar. He bounces with the same mischievous energy. That near-criminal curiosity.

And then there’s that bound, as distinctive as a chromosome. What is it that puppies have? That little leap that seems to come from simply having so much energy the only solution is to jump UPWARD. Regardless of what you call the dance, it’s a step that celebrates life. Perhaps one we should emulate. Perhaps, especially, now.

So, look out, unwitting Ralph’s shoppers. A middle aged man infected by a dog’s exuberance at existing may suddenly bound in the cereal aisle.

No need to call security.

A snausage should do just find.

Now, factslap, bitches:

  • Wealthy ancient Egyptians slept with neck supports rather than pillows to preserve their hairstyles. 
  • The average inmate in Alcatraz read 75-100 books a year.
  • The most disproportionately common physical injury diagnosis in New York is “knee injury.”
  • During the American Civil War, free black woman Mary Bowser took a job as a servant in the Confederate White House and served as a Union spy.
  • Vatican City is one of six countries worldwide that ban abortion completely, even if the mother’s life is in danger.
  • Saint Drogo is the Catholic Church’s patron saint of those whom others find repulsive, unattractive people, cattle, coffee house owners and deaf people.
  • The British Standards Institution has a 5,000 word report on the correct way to make a cup of tea.
  • In Slovakia, using the names Britain or Great Britain instead of the United Kingdom can land you with a €6,600 fine.



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