I don’t have anything against New Year’s Resolutions per se. What more noble a cause, to open a new chapter in your life? Where would any of us be were it not for second chances?
Perhaps it’s scope of the oaths: Drastically alter the way you look, think or behave. Perhaps that’s why only 8% of Americans follow through on resolutions, according to a Gallup survey.
Which is why it’s time to make resolutions more reasonable — and, more importantly, feasible. Here then, are a handful of my (attainable) New Year’s Resolutions:
- Pick up smoking.
- Try meth.
- Get even with that hobo.
- Look up the meaning of “resolution.”
- Stop making lists.